Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
So on Monday this week I was given the news that I “satisfy the criteria for a diagnosis of ASD”. I’ve always felt “on the outside” in life, and took the decision to look into a diagnosis last year after becoming so overwhelmed at a family wedding that I felt like I needed to run out of the building.
I spoke with my GP, who was really understanding. I completed an AQ50 test and on the GP’s advice went through the Right to Choose ASD process with Psychiatry UK. I was sent some forms to complete, and then had a few months to wait before my assessment appointment.
By the time my appointment came around, I was feeling in a much better place than when I first started seeking a diagnosis. I’d basically convinced myself that I would just be wasting the psychiatrist’s time, and would be sent away with my tail between my legs for wasting their time.
So I was pretty taken aback when I got the news that I did in fact meet the criteria.
It’s been a bit of a mad week since the diagnosis. I’ve alternated between feeling like I’m imagining things and they’ve got it wrong, and re-examining my entire life through this whole new lens.
I’m just curious as to whether this is a common reaction amongst the recently diagnosed or not?
Exactly this
rustyb said:like I’m somehow “more autistic” than I wa
Oh, I definitely get that too. I was actually diagnosed during the pandemic, and I'm not sure whether I'm less tolerant of certain things now because diagnosis made me realise that I struggle with them and that it's OK to want to avoid them, or whether it's because the lockdowns made me realise that the world could be quiet, less intensive and generally more autism-friendly.
I was diagnosed nearly 6 months ago, I felt I must be wasting everyones time pre-diagnosis and when it was confirmed I replayed my entire life in my mind. A whole host of emotions and not knowing what to do. The hardest one was denial. I had lived a life trying so hard to “fit in”.
Be gentle with yourself, you can’t change the past, this is like getting to know yourself all over again. Take time out when you need to, prioritise yourself and do what makes you feel happy. X
Luftmentsch said:It's a very common reaction. I think it's pretty much universal on this forum!
Having dug abut deeper into the forum, I’m beginning to see that now!
Great to have a community like this to lean on. It’s been a strange week: one minute it’s the imposter syndrome; the next I’m getting bothered by things that hadn’t previously affected me pre-diagnosis - like I’m somehow “more autistic” than I was.
It's a very common reaction. I think it's pretty much universal on this forum! Be gentle with yourself, it will take a while for the diagnosis to sink in.
I haven't been diagnosed yet but had the big moment of realization back in December when all my struggles seemed to make sense. And yes i re-examined / reflected on my whole life with the new lens.
Something came to me the other day actually. It was either the last time i stimmed in front of anyone, or one of the last times. I got in my dads car when it was parked outside our house and rubbed my hands together.....he laughed and said "have you come into lots of money or something?" and i don't think i've ever done it again in front of anyone
I'm also planning on getting assessed through Psychiatry UK. Just waiting to hear back from a local medical charity who might be able to help fund the initial £900 consultation fee