Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi. My son is 18 (just!) and only received his formal diagnosis last year. It has been a battle. We have no support from anyone. His school are trying their best to do what they can but he has been refused an EHCP and I am so worried about how he will get on in life. His A Levels are approaching and he is struggling to revise. He has meltdowns most days and can’t face the world. I don’t know what I am doing. Please can someone help? My mental health is non existent at the moment
It seems like the treadmill of GCSEs, A levels, university is inevitable, and that to stumble or fall off is the end of all hope for a rewarding future life. My elder child dropped out of A levels in the lower 6th, then took a year out doing nothing, but recovering from the stress of the A level courses she took. She then went to a further education college to take fine art courses, got into a university art school, but then changed courses in her first semester and ended up with a first class BSc in acoustics and sound engineering. If you can convince your son that his A levels are not the be all and end all, it may take some of the self-imposed stress off him and allow him to prepare for and take his exams in a more relaxed frame of mind.
Firstly make sure that you are looking after yourself. Your son isn’t the only person on his journey. Finding out he’s autistic at 18 is a lot to process and he is coping with becoming an adult as well. We had a similar experience when our eldest failed his 11+, we appealed and got no help. He in the end breezed through secondary school and got a first from Oxford. When he did A levels, we found it better to give him space and just the odd question of “how’s it going “. If your son does decide on University then he can ask for certain accommodations for autism, he will get extra time for exams and a quiet place he can go to. The law requires the Uni to offer these things. Oxford was only about an hour on the bus, our son was able to come home when he needed to, that helped him. He doesn’t have to share his diagnosis with other students either. We found out after uni that he had been under their mental health team, they were brilliant. He had actually driven to a railway bridge one night with the intention of jumping. Thankfully he didn’t and help was available, these were things that he wouldn’t share with a parent. I read some of the reports from Uni, I know I shouldn’t have but it’s because we care, the teams at Uni do watch over them. Some nights, say to your son” come on, no revision tonight, fancy a takeaway?” Let him eat it in his room if he wants to, I found it was worse to make an issue of something, teens will always push against you. Revision is best done in bite size pieces. Sorry I can’t offer no more help.
Believe me, qualifications aren’t worth it if it is causing this sort of stress. I pushed through the stress and anxiety and now my mental health has suffered. I wish I hadn’t bothered because my anxiety is so bad now. I can’t even use the qualification that I struggled to achieve.
im sorry to hear that your mental Health is also suffering. Do you receive any help for it? It sounds like you both need some professional support.
From my own experience, A'Levels weren't the best route; for me. So much intense study proved detrimental; in the long term. If he's having constant meltdowns, then the school environment isn't for him.