Looking for advice please

Firstly make sure that you are looking after yourself. Your son isn’t the only person on his journey. Finding out he’s autistic at 18 is a lot to process and he is coping with becoming an adult as well. We had a similar experience when our eldest failed his 11+, we appealed and got no help. He in the end breezed through secondary school and got a first from Oxford. When he did A levels, we found it better to give him space and just the odd question of “how’s it going “.  If your son does decide on University then he can ask for certain accommodations for autism, he will get extra time for exams and a quiet place he can go to. The law requires the Uni to offer these things. Oxford was only about an hour on the bus, our son was able to come home when he needed to, that helped him. He doesn’t have to share his diagnosis with other students either. We found out after uni that he had been under their mental health team, they were brilliant. He had actually driven to a railway bridge one night with the intention of jumping. Thankfully he didn’t and help was available, these were things that he wouldn’t share with a parent. I read some of the reports from Uni, I know I shouldn’t have but it’s because we care, the teams at Uni do watch over them. Some nights, say to your son” come on, no revision tonight, fancy a takeaway?” Let him eat it in his room if he wants to, I found it was worse to make an issue of something, teens will always push against you. Revision is best done in bite size pieces. Sorry I can’t offer no more help.

Firstly make sure that you are looking after yourself. Your son isn’t the only person on his journey. Finding out he’s autistic at 18 is a lot to process and he is coping with becoming an adult as well. We had a similar experience when our eldest failed his 11+, we appealed and got no help. He in the end breezed through secondary school and got a first from Oxford. When he did A levels, we found it better to give him space and just the odd question of “how’s it going “.  If your son does decide on University then he can ask for certain accommodations for autism, he will get extra time for exams and a quiet place he can go to. The law requires the Uni to offer these things. Oxford was only about an hour on the bus, our son was able to come home when he needed to, that helped him. He doesn’t have to share his diagnosis with other students either. We found out after uni that he had been under their mental health team, they were brilliant. He had actually driven to a railway bridge one night with the intention of jumping. Thankfully he didn’t and help was available, these were things that he wouldn’t share with a parent. I read some of the reports from Uni, I know I shouldn’t have but it’s because we care, the teams at Uni do watch over them. Some nights, say to your son” come on, no revision tonight, fancy a takeaway?” Let him eat it in his room if he wants to, I found it was worse to make an issue of something, teens will always push against you. Revision is best done in bite size pieces. Sorry I can’t offer no more help.