Published on 12, July, 2020
I have been learning alot about autism and the traits but it's hard to tell someone you love that they have traits of autism, how do you deal with someone who thinks they are not autistic? Do I carry on treating them that they are and how do I get help for this?
I was in a relationship with an undiagnosed autistic man for a couple of years.
We remain good friends.
We both sought a diagnosis for him and after about 20 years got it.
However, he never recognised autism in me as I didn't recognise it in myself.
A couple of years ago I 1st suggested to him that I thought I was autistic but he didn't see it.
Actually, I am autistic and my life has been very impacted by it.
'Hindsight is a wonderful thing'.
As others have said - good two way communication is important in any relationship and it becomes vital when there are issues like this - even though that can be really difficult and I suspect there are a few people on here that wished people close to them had said something.
There are plenty of online resources and tests your partner could access to see if anything resonates with them but ultimately no-one is obliged to get diagnosed and there are people who resist getting diagnosed or who deny their diagnosis.
Many people come to forums like this with problems but I would also suggest you try and find some positives in this - hopefully there are some things about your partner's personality that might be affected by autism that you love that you can discuss alongside the things you're struggling with.
FWIW/IMHO - any neurotypical person putting work in to a relationship with a neurodiverse person deserves a little extra helping of respect!
You say he thinks he isn't. Have you broached the subject at all?
If not, I think Roy's suggestion is a good one. I've seen that program too. It's very good. You never know, the penny might just drop for him and then he might take the initiative.
If you are mentioning it for the first time, it's important that it comes with an attitude of acceptance; hey we're all a bit different and it's just that when you understand those things life gets easier.
That said, this isn't an experience I've had because I figured it out for myself. But whatever happens, all you can do is suggest the possibility and let him mull it over. Some people prefer not to explore the possibility even thought they suspect they might be. And that's ok. In the end, it's about how they feel. You are simply flagging up he has that option, if he feels it would help him. He might be grateful you did or he might ignore it.
Hi, it’s not an easy subject but you do need to have a chat with your partner. I really wish that someone had noticed me earlier. There is a program on channel 4 called,’ Am I Autistic’ perhaps watch it together one night on catch-up and see if he sees anything in it that relates to him. Online there is an AQ50 test and a RADDS-R test both are used as a part of the assessment process.
I think you just need to have a discussion with him.
It's not an insult.
We are all different in different ways.
The ability to be honest with kindness is important in a relationship I think.
Acknowledging the possibility of autism is unfortunately though just the 1st of many hurdles to diagnosis.
There are useful online tests he could do.
All the best.
My ex convinced me with help of her friend to go to GP and ask for referral
she was misguided, and she thought I'll be cured, well she is still misguided, and we're no longer together