Autistic teenager is always unpleasant to younger brother

He is autistic and it may not occur to him what an acceptable way to say 'leave me alone' sounds like. It might help to talk to him about the where's, what and whyfores of his little brother's annoyances and then equip him with some phrases that can convey the fact he just wants his space etc, without snapping at him. Meanwhile, have a word with the little one and let him know his brother is just frustrated and probably doesn't mean to be nasty, he's just can't express his frustrations very well.

Maybe, even if they don't get on, at least they won't get upset with eachother.

Thank you. 

Hi, I can only tell you how I felt at the time and obviously can’t say if your son feels the same. I felt very jealous of my younger brother, he always had friends and was always able to have girlfriends. He would be popular at school while I just tried to survive it all. I took it out on him as he was the only one who was there. I suppose as the bullied, I wanted to bully someone smaller than me. You are right to start by having a word with him. Autistic people often do struggle with any relationships plus his diagnosis is still very fresh to him.

Thanks. This is helpful. What is hard for us as parents and also for his younger brother, is that the only time he says anything at all to his younger brother is to criticise or snipe. It’s been going on so long now that’s how they talk to each other. They have no patience with each other now and it’s very hard. 

I have just said to the older one, please consider what you are going to say and how you say it before saying anything to him. Any other suggestions?

Hi, I am the older brother and had exactly the same relationship with my younger brother. As adults now we get on fine. We didn’t become friends until I left home. I found communication and understanding how someone else may feel impossible to navigate. Your eldest is at one of the hardest stages of his life. Hormones and the transition from boy to man is not easy to navigate. Most boys of his age most probably don’t tell everything that happens with his peers. There is no solution, only time. He hasn’t said much about his diagnosis but be sure he is trying to process it all. I would suggest therapy but I know at his age that I would have refused it as I was so full of self loathing and trying to make sense of being different.

Try to understand that I could be struggling to come to terms with his diagnosis and he may feel frustrated i'm autistic and I understand how hard it can be so my advice would have to be ask what he's interested in and calmly talk to him and ask also try and put yourself in his shoes he might not have social skills but he's good at other things 

My younger brother and I never got on. He was always in my room bothering me when I wanted him to just leave me alone. It always ended up with me screaming at him to get out and go away.

Years later he confessed he wanted my attention. God knows why? God knows why he thought annoying me continually was going to get my attention.

It was just a case of Aspie lass wanting to be left in her own space whilst NT sibling wanted sibling relationship that was unnecessary to me, I think.

My parents probably felt much as you do. Your sons might find common ground later, or they might not. But sadly, there's not much you can do about that. They will or they won't. We don't always like our relatives and there's no law which says we must.

I would however ask your older son to not be so rude when he wants to be left alone. There's no need for that. And tell the younger that sadly, he'll have to just respect his brother's space and focus on his own friends.

Let me give you some advice from an older brother who had a turbulent relationship with his younger brother and now is on good terms with him. Don't try and push them together. Don't try and force him to entertain his brother or let his younger brother pester him and invade his space. In time with out pressure they may find areas of common interest but if you try and force it you'll just make your son feel anxious and persecuted. In fact the more forcefully his younger brother seeks his attention the less likely it is to be given.

If on the other hand his younger brother was to pick one of his older brothers favourite activities, maybe a video games he really likes, and just start doing it a lot around the house his brother might join in.

There is no magical younger / older brother dynamic that comes through birth. They'll need to develop a rapport as equals with common interests.