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Autistic teenager is always unpleasant to younger brother

NAS79775
over 2 years ago

Hi

my recently diagnosed teenage boy (17) is always curt, unpleasant and rude to his younger brother (13). Their relationship is and has always been non existent which is heartbreaking to see. The younger one has only ever wanted a sibling he could play with, get on with, confide in, and trust. This has just never been there. 

there is always way too much shouting, arguing, accusing and just general unpleasantness in the house. My Wife pushed hard to get  our older boy assessed as she thought something amiss and he was diagnosed a few months ago.

He knows about his diagnosis but we have never broached this as with him or even as a couple much. He wasn’t particularly bothered by his diagnosis. He is high functioning but has always had problems making and keeping friends. He can deal with one person at a time and expects full loyalty and is not flexible at all.

his younger brother tried for years but has now given up trying to be friends with him. It’s so sad to see. 

what practical advice can anyone give on any of this? What techniques are there for helping anyone in the family? 

Parents
  • over 2 years ago

    My younger brother and I never got on. He was always in my room bothering me when I wanted him to just leave me alone. It always ended up with me screaming at him to get out and go away.

    Years later he confessed he wanted my attention. God knows why? God knows why he thought annoying me continually was going to get my attention.

    It was just a case of Aspie lass wanting to be left in her own space whilst NT sibling wanted sibling relationship that was unnecessary to me, I think.

    My parents probably felt much as you do. Your sons might find common ground later, or they might not. But sadly, there's not much you can do about that. They will or they won't. We don't always like our relatives and there's no law which says we must.

    I would however ask your older son to not be so rude when he wants to be left alone. There's no need for that. And tell the younger that sadly, he'll have to just respect his brother's space and focus on his own friends.

Reply
  • over 2 years ago

    My younger brother and I never got on. He was always in my room bothering me when I wanted him to just leave me alone. It always ended up with me screaming at him to get out and go away.

    Years later he confessed he wanted my attention. God knows why? God knows why he thought annoying me continually was going to get my attention.

    It was just a case of Aspie lass wanting to be left in her own space whilst NT sibling wanted sibling relationship that was unnecessary to me, I think.

    My parents probably felt much as you do. Your sons might find common ground later, or they might not. But sadly, there's not much you can do about that. They will or they won't. We don't always like our relatives and there's no law which says we must.

    I would however ask your older son to not be so rude when he wants to be left alone. There's no need for that. And tell the younger that sadly, he'll have to just respect his brother's space and focus on his own friends.

Children
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