Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
my recently diagnosed teenage boy (17) is always curt, unpleasant and rude to his younger brother (13). Their relationship is and has always been non existent which is heartbreaking to see. The younger one has only ever wanted a sibling he could play with, get on with, confide in, and trust. This has just never been there.
there is always way too much shouting, arguing, accusing and just general unpleasantness in the house. My Wife pushed hard to get our older boy assessed as she thought something amiss and he was diagnosed a few months ago.
He knows about his diagnosis but we have never broached this as with him or even as a couple much. He wasn’t particularly bothered by his diagnosis. He is high functioning but has always had problems making and keeping friends. He can deal with one person at a time and expects full loyalty and is not flexible at all.
his younger brother tried for years but has now given up trying to be friends with him. It’s so sad to see.
what practical advice can anyone give on any of this? What techniques are there for helping anyone in the family?
Let me give you some advice from an older brother who had a turbulent relationship with his younger brother and now is on good terms with him. Don't try and push them together. Don't try and force him to entertain his brother or let his younger brother pester him and invade his space. In time with out pressure they may find areas of common interest but if you try and force it you'll just make your son feel anxious and persecuted. In fact the more forcefully his younger brother seeks his attention the less likely it is to be given.
If on the other hand his younger brother was to pick one of his older brothers favourite activities, maybe a video games he really likes, and just start doing it a lot around the house his brother might join in.
There is no magical younger / older brother dynamic that comes through birth. They'll need to develop a rapport as equals with common interests.