Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I'm new to this community and just recently joined NAS as a member after thinking about doing so for the last few months.
I am a woman in my late 20s and was diagnosed with autism in my early 20s. I was only referred for a diagnosis after I had developed an eating disorder, anorexia, which greatly impacted my ability to work and live normally.
During childhood I had been referred to many counsellors and therapist's because of a delay in development, selective mutism and my difficulties in making or maintaining friendships. I believe the lack of help in childhood did lead into the 5/6 years I struggled with an ED. It has only been very recently that I managed to get into work and lead a somewhat regular life, though I find myself struggling again (I currently work as a carer/support worker but I feel like that was an awful decision so I've had to quit and look for work elsewhere).
Finding work that suits me has been a challenge and I'm still looking. With the current increase in cost of living it has left me feeling really stressed. I am sure I am not the only person who feels this way.
I hope to gather advice and hopefully provide some advice whilst in this community. From what I have seen there are many discussions on topics that affect me, so I am glad that there is advice and guidance put there.
In my opinion it happens one over the moon [link removed]
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I did very well in university but the work enviroment is so diffrent from study, it can be a big shock when you move from study to a professional role. I also have not found work in the area I studied, which was Animal Science and Welfare. I was origonally thinking about becoming a vet nurse but I feared that I would struggle to much with the human side of the job.
We can only try our best and ask for reasonable adjustments at the end of the day.
Yes, a lot of things are difficult at first but it does get easier over time. It can just feel like taking that first step is so challenging that it feels almost impossible.
Hello there. Like many have said so far, I’m fairly new here too- but welcome nonetheless. I agree, there are many useful discussions on this forum and lots of good advice too.
Hi, I'm new here too. I definitely agree with you. Learning a lot of skills is important. It's always going to be tough at first, but it'll all be fine as we get used to it and learn more - Krunker
I think this is so often the case.
Hi, I'm also fairly new here. I also struggle with work, despite doing well academically. Work depends on so many other skills. I'm fortunate that I have a job, albeit part-time (I can't cope with more) and not in the sector I am qualified to work in. The work should be easy for me, given my qualifications, but I still struggle with it much of the time.
Selective Mutism is the hardest thing for my son. Lots of people don’t really understand it - which doesn’t help. My son hates to be the centre of attention and I think that’s how it started (when gphe was only 4 years old). He’s an adult now - the SM has massively impacted on his education and social skills. He’s a wonderful person and it makes me sad that most people don’t get to hear him speak as he is very intelligent and wise and has a great sense of humour, but people don’t get to see that and they underestimate him I think. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with selective mutism too. It’s great you’ve found a job that you’re happy with. It’s not easy for autistic people to find a good ‘fit’ with employment. My eldest (who is also autistic) has really struggled to find a job he enjoys (or Dan even bear) despite having done really well at Uni. Hope things go well at your new job :)
Yes, selective mutisum made many things almost impossible for me. It still happens now but I have somewhat improved. I used to get what felt like a physical lump in my throat which made me unable to speak in highschool when teachers asked me questions in front of the class. Having to stand up and speak in front of so many people was terrifying to me. Even now I sometimes go silent and many people see that as me being rude when it really isn't.
I've already had an offer for another job, which I have taken. It's only three nights a week but is during a quiet time and focuses on routine tasks, most of which are cleaning. I also did really well acdemicly - I have a degree in animal science and welfare - but it is the social skill and ability to cope in certain enviroments with so many stimuli that stops me from making the most of my knowledge and skills. I won't let it get me down but sometimes it can feel like going back to square one again.
Thank you for the luck. :)
Thank you for suggesting the CEN woman to me. I shall have a look when I next have free time.
To answer your question about family at home; yes, I have a reasonably good relationship with most of my family members. My sisters (one of which lives at home with me and my parents, along with her huband and children) don't get on that well, we mostly just co-exsist or tolorate eachother - they never took the time to read about or consider my autisum. My older sister is the most critical of me..
My relationship with my parents on the other hand is quite good. I do have to say, it was after my diagnosis that my relationship with my Mother became better. She took the time to learn about autisum, which really helped me. Before that, however, I do remeber my Mother being very confused and even struggling with me. The memories are somewhat vauge now but I do remember that a common answer to my meltdowns, shutdowns and difficulties was shouting and being told off - of course, this was all because I was never disgnosed and given support earlier. Further to that my Mother and Father where never provided with the information and support to help them help me, or themselves cope with the difficulties I faced. I try not to dwell on the past to much because there is nothing I can do to change it, but maybe looking back at those expiriences with more knowledge would help uncover something.
My son has Selective Mutism too - it’s such a difficult thing to cope with. I think finding a job that is tolerable is very often difficult for autistic people. My eldest has struggled with this even though they did incredibly well in education - because so many workplaces have a lot of aspects that relate to social skills etc. I hope you find something that suits you better soon. The financial side of things is so stressful - especially at the moment. Good luck :)
Hello again Amedeo,
Coincidence, but i've just received a latest email from that CEN woman. As i said i feel she may try to sell you her latest book, but see if any of the things she has to say remind you about your time growing up.
If you want to google ....CEN: Janice Webb PhD she says, "False notions have a profound effect on how you feel about yourself"
Hi Amedeo,
I've not long ago found and joined this community, so don't suppose i'm in a position to give any decent advice, but hope to find it, it helps to be able to chat.
Have you got anyone at home, who do you live with ? You talk about the difficulty making friends, but how are things with your family ? It's funny you should mention some of your problems going back to childhood. I found someting on the internet about CEN (chilhood emotional neglect). I'd necer heard of it, but so many of the things this woman was saying seemed ro make me see things in my life as a grew up. I'm still reading up on it. Is it an American fad by someone trying to sell a book ?..... I'm not sure. But i'm sure lots of my autism traits go back to childhood.
Hope being helps you, and answers the questions spinning around inside your head.
Bill.
Hi there,
I'm new myself so have no advice to give but just wanted to say hello.
Daz