Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello.. I'm new to the group and have suspected for a while that I am on the spectrum after working as an Autism Support Worker. I also have mental health problems and trying to get my voice heard is a challenge. Some of you have mentioned being passed pillar to post. My GP surgery doesn't seem to know who deals with Autism! But i finally (I think) have a referral.
I have lost jobs very quickly due to overwhelm and emotional breakdowns. I cry a lot. I struggle to cope with day to day life. Noise, bustle, people's tone of voice, thinking people are angry when they aren't, my mind going blank, not being able to multitask. I avoid people even at home with my parents. Yet I can come across as cheerful and articulate a lot of the time.
I feel my future is bleak and I will not be able to hold down a job. I am capable of much more but this thing is getting in the way.
I'm so worried i will lose my current job as a Health Care Assistant. My manager thinks because i am often upset i am not coping. She doesn't understand. The in-house trainer politely asked me if i had considered if i was autistic. I said yes and thought it was highly likely. So I put the wheels in motion.
I feel so broken and weird and frightened and confused and misunderstood. So I came here!
No problem! I didn't always know that my uncontrollable crying episodes were meltdowns. I try to be a bit kinder to myself now and give myself time to recover afterwards.
No problem Glad you've been made to feel welcome here.
Hi Adria .. welcome from me too
.. I'm 15 years into knowing that I'm ASD/AS .. it was a self-diagnosis but I'm 100% certain (ASQ:49,EQ:4) .. and reading the stories on here confirms that
.. I've never 'come out' with work folk or even my network of acquaintances (only 3 people including my daughter)
.. It's been a long haul and still there are down days, but now I can happily say that I'm on top of it .. I laugh at events and situations more then ever I did .. I've 'learned the rules' of the NT world sufficiently well that I can function just fine (well I reckon so :-) )
.. I tell jokes a lot (one way connection you see) .. I'm happy giving public talks and even 1:1 teaching (I'm in control of the interaction you see)
.. and very happily for me I've built a self-employed career out of my special interest - I so I get to be in control of my own time and am largely in control of any conversations I have with others
.. it's a continuing process of course but I can really say that right now I'm content with my lot
.. Hang in there .. it gets easier .. and keep chatting on here .. already I'm feeling part of a like minded community .. :-)
It's really nice to meet you and thanks so much for your comment.
Yes! Uncontrollable crying! That's the same problem I have! Thanks for telling me that because I'm feeling less weird now! I will definitely check out those videos.
It is actually fantastic to know that other people are having the same struggle I am. It's really isolating and makes me feel worse about myself. Thanks for sharing with me. i hope everything goes well for you.
Thank you very much! I'll definitely check her out.
I've had a warm welcome so far and I don't feel too nervous about posting, which is a good sign. This seems like a really lovely community to be part of.
Hi! Welcome to the group. I'm really sorry you're having a tough time at the moment.
I'm also awaiting diagnosis. I find it really difficult to hold it together at work; I have a lot of meltdowns (often in the form of uncontrollable crying, for me) and they zap my energy. I then struggle to focus, but I feel I can't explain that to anyone since they don't know that I'm probably autistic.
I hope you don't have to wait too long for your assessment. In the meantime, Purple Ella's YouTube videos have been incredibly helpful for me - I'd definitely recommend taking a look. They really helped me to understand myself better and feel less alone.
I only just began my journey into getting a diagnosis after thinking about my being autistic for a few years.
I dropped out of college, I've lost jobs, and my recent uni year has been a huge struggle to keep up with. I share your anxiety - I'm terrified that this pattern of not being able to cope will follow me my whole life. It's terrifying. I wish I had some good advice for you, but I at least hope that knowing you aren't alone offers some comfort!
That was my plan starting in health care. Hope fully they will be more understanding and supportive. Thanks for your reply. I'm starting to feel less alone!
Hi Adria, I’m also waiting for a diagnosis. I’m currently 45 years old, so it’s a bit weird. As you say I have previously been told it was depression, anxiety and had every therapy known to man. While the depression and anxiety are real, I am beginning to understand that they are Co-morbid not the cause. I have had many jobs, pretty much left them all before I was pushed, or at least convinced myself I was going to be. I’m now self employed, which is easier.
I would think in Health Care you would be pretty safe. There is a huge duty of care bit, and for Health Care organisation to fail someone’s health would be pretty damaging to them I imagine.
Keep engaging with folk on here, the more you learn about others helps teach you about yourself so you feel less weird if not normal.
Good luck.
I think I will talk to my trainer again. Not sure about break times as they are short but I will think of something to relax and try to squeeze it in. Thanks!
I wear earplugs a lot at home. I could maybe wear one in one ear at work. It's funny you've said that about sensory items, I like to carry a small soft toy when I go through a hard time!
Hi
Welcome to the forum.
Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. I was diagnosed in my 30s, I found the wait for diagnosis really tough with lots of self-analysis most of which was pretty critical and focused on my deficits rather than my abilities. This had a massive impact on my self-esteem. If I could offer any advice it would be to try and keep a balanced perspective we all have our strengths as well as those things we find tricky.
I understand completely when you say that when you cry people perceive you as not coping.....I have the same problem when the reality is that it is when I go quiet that I am more likely to be struggling!
You house trainer sounds as if they might get it.....could you have another conversation with them and perhaps think about how to help your manager understand?
What are the things that help you relax.....can you do these regularly can you build some aspect of them into break-times at work?
Take good care and I hope you find the help and support you are looking for on this forum. I have found it comforting at times just to know I am not the only one!
hey girl,
you sound like my twin!!!!
maybe follow up with the GP.
maybe in busy environments, you can use noise-cancelling headphones. below in the link is what I use. it is tight o the ears.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Edz-Kidz-Ear-Defenders-Blue/dp/B001D0YI7M/ref=sr_1_7?dchild=1&keywords=ear+defenders&qid=1591803923&sr=8-7
maybe use sensory items like stress balls or teddies