My name isn't incorrectly spelled, I promise. Its a play on Aspie, and Aspiring. As I am aspiring to be a better, well informed autistic person
I am 31 - Male and from West Midlands. I was diagnosed with autism (Aspergers) about 4 months ago.
For 13 months I haven't been able to leave my house willingly (only if it was required / hospital / doctors etc) I had a massive amount of personal loss prior to this period of time, my health, a career and a fiance / step children. I reacted the way I always have in my life but luckily from that relationship, it led me to checking for autism.
Since being diagnosed a while back, I have relived every moment in my life, and every loss, issue, problem, misunderstanding, all the stress, anger, anxiety throughout my entire life to try and make sense of why things happened. I am involved with Autism West Midlands and I am learning a lot
My main problem is loneliness, I have no social life, and any chances of working, making friends or a relationship of any kind are very low for me right now, so I thought I would take the plunge and try to talk online about things
I struggle, every day, but I eventually want to give back, once I have a better understanding, and the right support. I will talk to anyone about anything :D especially if you are around my age, or recently diagnosed and also having trouble adjusting.
I'm sorry if this seems so formal, it was hard for me to write.
I have very recently been diagnosed too (only a few weeks ago). I'm a couple of years younger than you. I had suspected for a long while that I was on the spectrum so I haven't had trouble adjusting to that. I have struggled a little with not being bitter that I wasn't diagnosed when I was younger. I also haven't told anyone this yet (well apart from on here).
I'm sorry you've had such a hard time. I hope you find the help you need to move forward. It sounds like a very difficult time but I hope you are glad that you got your diagnosis.
I also struggle socially and with loneliness. I do have some friends but they're not close ones. I don't see or speak to them very often. I have a bit of a mental battle about social situations. On the one hand I do feel lonely and I get bored very easily and so want to socialise but then when I'm asked to I find myself very anxious and not wanting to go. I do also like my own space.
I have found it easier to share thoughts on here. No one tells you what you have said is weird on here. I hope you find it helpful too.
Hello and welcome - great name by the way!
I am quite a bit older than you, and female. I'm still in the process of trying to get a diagnosis. Like you the decision to get assessed came after several significant losses.
I can really relate to your description of reliving every moment in life, and all the complicated emotions, to try and make sense of things. It is exhausting but I am sure it is an important part of coming to terms with being autistic.
My only real social life at the moment is on this forum. It's made an incredible difference having like-minded people to talk to and share ideas with. We have discussions about music, films, machinery and virtually anything else you can think of! I'm sure you will find it a positive experience too.
I always knew something was "wrong" with me, I am glad I have some answers for it, but its been a long, difficult year trying to deal with my losses, and a very stressful few months since the diagnosis. I am trying to find focus and a way forward but it seems to be a lot more challenging than I thought it would. I to want to do things, but get anxious at the thought of doing it. It is incredibly frustrating and I don't see a way through it. It sucks badly. All I can do it play video games and watch life pass by at the moment :/
I believe its an important part of it too, that is why I allowed myself to go through it, it was helpful but it was painful. I have a lot less confidence but more answers. I don't know how to turn that into focus, which is what I need. I want to socialise, I want to have a relationship again, I want to get a job but its just all horribly challenging to even think about right now. I feel like I have already lost most of my life without knowing why. I am anxious because I don't want to lose anymore.
I also don't know what I want to do or what to focus on, its a very confusing time and I just want one positive thing to happen so I might have a chance of having hope again.
I like to watch films and read a lot. I go through phases where I feel quite down about my social life but I am also starting to have times where I can go "Do you know what this is who I am and I'm just gonna be ok with that". I also like to have little projects to do with stuff that I'm interested in. I find this really helps me. I do have a job so I do interact with people through that. I think I would find it really difficult without my job (even though it gets me stressed sometimes).
Loss is always a difficult thing to deal with. I think it takes a lot of time.
Do you have any strong interests you could try to pursue? I find my interests calming and they also stop me from feeling so bored and lonely.
You are still in the very early stages of coming to terms with everything as it is only a few months since your diagnosis. And there is all the grief to cope with too.
Like Binary says strong interests can be very calming. My main focus is the dog I adopted recently. I'm off work with an injured ankle and she never leaves my side. She drags me out of bed in the morning and forces me to take her for a short walk. Without her there'd be days when I wouldn't even bother to get dressed.
Watching the world go by and playing video games might be exactly what you need to do right now. One of the adjustments I am trying to make is thinking about how much energy I use doing things, and how I can give myself time and space to recover.
I am sure in time that being part of this online community will help to give you hope again. And you will be able to give back to others here too, which I know is one of your aspirations - or should that be 'aspierations'!
I would love to have a dog! I want a lab, but I live with my parents, and my dad doesn't want one. Plus with expenses of a dog I don't see me being able to get one! I think a dog would be really helpful to me for exercise too. I love video games and I have enjoyed losing myself in a few games, but it is incredibly unhealthy for me now. I just wish I had opportunities to not rely on them right now!
What dog do you have?
I don't really have any major special interests, other than gaming, it was my career aswell as my hobby. Its incredible unhealthy for me right now, always in the house not exercising, but it helps to a certain extent. I want to be at the stage of saying I am ok with who I am, and I think I am. I just don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to miss out on things in life. I want a family, kids and stuff like that. I don't know how to get from here to there though, its hard enough for family to understand and accept who I am, let alone new people / potential relationships! It sucks!
My only other interests are solo kind of interests, and expensive (collecting things) which I can't afford at the moment because I don't work!
I have a Border Terrier - she is six years old and had a pretty miserable life up until we adopted her. It's a big commitment and can be expensive owning a dog - she had a blood test yesterday which was £100!
I dare not do any gaming these days - I got hopelessly addicted to Lemmings years ago and ended up staying up nearly all night.
I keep trying to upload a photo of my dog, but then the message deletes itself, so I will send it separately.
Maybe you could walk someone else's dog sometime? When I hurt my ankle I was very grateful to people who,took her out for me.
That is a brilliant idea, I might have to look into it!
Yeah those kind of expenses are impossible for me to afford right now, if I could I would love to have a dog!