Recently diagnosed - looking for support

My name isn't incorrectly spelled, I promise. Its a play on Aspie, and Aspiring. As I am aspiring to be a better, well informed autistic person

I am 31 - Male and from West Midlands. I was diagnosed with autism (Aspergers) about 4 months ago.

For 13 months I haven't been able to leave my house willingly (only if it was required / hospital / doctors etc) I had a massive amount of personal loss prior to this period of time, my health, a career and a fiance / step children. I reacted the way I always have in my life but luckily from that relationship, it led me to checking for autism.

Since being diagnosed a while back, I have relived every moment in my life, and every loss, issue, problem, misunderstanding, all the stress, anger, anxiety throughout my entire life to try and make sense of why things happened. I am involved with Autism West Midlands and I am learning a lot

My main problem is loneliness, I have no social life, and any chances of working, making friends or a relationship of any kind are very low for me right now, so I thought I would take the plunge and try to talk online about things

I struggle, every day, but I eventually want to give back, once I have a better understanding, and the right support. I will talk to anyone about anything :D especially if you are around my age, or recently diagnosed and also having trouble adjusting.

I'm sorry if this seems so formal, it was hard for me to write.

Thanks!

Parents
  • Hello and welcome - great name by the way! 

    I am quite a bit older than you, and female. I'm still in the process of trying to get a diagnosis. Like you the decision to get assessed came after several significant losses. 

    I can really relate to your description of reliving every moment in life, and all the complicated emotions, to try and make sense of things. It is exhausting but I am sure it is an important part of coming to terms with being autistic. 

    My only real social life at the moment is on this forum. It's made an incredible difference having like-minded people to talk to and share ideas with. We have discussions about music, films, machinery and virtually anything else you can think of! I'm sure you will find it a positive experience too. 

  • I believe its an important part of it too, that is why I allowed myself to go through it, it was helpful but it was painful. I have a lot less confidence but more answers. I don't know how to turn that into focus, which is what I need. I want to socialise, I want to have a relationship again, I want to get a job but its just all horribly challenging to even think about right now. I feel like I have already lost most of my life without knowing why. I am anxious because I don't want to lose anymore.

    I also don't know what I want to do or what to focus on, its a very confusing time and I just want one positive thing to happen so I might have a chance of having hope again.

  • You are still in the very early stages of coming to terms with everything as it is only a few months since your diagnosis. And there is all the grief to cope with too.

    Like Binary says strong interests can be very calming. My main focus is the dog I adopted recently. I'm off work with an injured ankle and she never leaves my side. She drags me out of bed in the morning and forces me to take her for a short walk. Without her there'd be days when I wouldn't even bother to get dressed.

    Watching the world go by and playing video games might be exactly what you need to do right now. One of the adjustments I am trying to make is thinking about how much energy I use doing things, and how I can give myself time and space to recover. 

    I am sure in time that being part of this online community will help to give you hope again. And you will be able to give back to others here too, which I know is one of your aspirations - or should that be 'aspierations'!

  • There are several schemes where you look after a dog for a short period while the owner  is in hospital or a women's refuge - it's good because you get expenses, don't have to pay vet bills and there's no long-term commitment. Animal rescue centres sometimes need dog walkers too. I think dogs are amazing for mental health. My dog certainly rescued me from the depths of despair after my last dog died at 12.5 years old. 

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  • There are several schemes where you look after a dog for a short period while the owner  is in hospital or a women's refuge - it's good because you get expenses, don't have to pay vet bills and there's no long-term commitment. Animal rescue centres sometimes need dog walkers too. I think dogs are amazing for mental health. My dog certainly rescued me from the depths of despair after my last dog died at 12.5 years old. 

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