Feelings after diagnosis

random said:

I guess for me the aspergers is like opening a door, and I am faced with another bigger door to challenge and get through. Having said that, I don't think this is typical experience 

I think that is a good description, we open a door and find the next one, life is a mysterious journey and we are continually choosing which door to open and which path to follow. Getting a diagnosis does transport one into a new world with so much to learn and so much to think about - it isn't easy by any means.

Hi Ransom. Sorry to hear you had a good experience. It sounds like you have a lot of things to deal with other than  the diagnosis. Can't possibly imagine what that's like but good luck with it  

Hi,

Just a quick comment, after my diagnosis last year one of the autism team brought up the subject of "do you feel a fraud", I said yes. She said she commonly hears that. 

I was also asked just when receiving the diagnosis, how I felt. I said my feelings were mixed, but basically angry at how I was treated when I had a mental breakdown in my early adult life. I am angry that I reached out for help, and if they had supported me I could have received the diagnosis much earlier in life and would have made a bigger difference.

They said most people feel it is a releif, but I didn't really feel like that. I had also blocked out for many years problems with a abusive and difficult childhood, which are now surfacing after the diagnosis.

Hadn't really worked out well for me, but I do wonder what future path I would have taken not having the diagnosis. Its good to know behaviours and aspects of my life is down to aspergers, and to have an insight in to that.

Although very difficult at the moment, if I can get the support I need to deal with problems and issues from my childhood, will be better for me in long run. I hope I will have a more fuffilled life in my latter years.

I guess for me the aspergers is like opening a door, and I am faced with another bigger door to challenge and get through. Having said that, I don't think this is typical experience 

Random

Thanks for all the replies. I think the first thing I need to do is get the anxiety and social anxiety under control. They are making it hard to focus on anything else. 

Thanks again. 

Hi Chuckalicious 

You were wondering where to go with your diagnosis in your original post. I would suggest that you think about what you want for the future. You are looking after your children at the moment, but what about when they are older? Do you want to learn or update skills that will help you get a job? Do you have any friends apart from your spouse and would you like to make new friends or improve your current relationships?

I get what you say about not identifying with some of the traits described in some of the literature - that applies to me too. But it could be seen as a good thing if you don't have the full range of difficulties that some autistic people have - you have less challenges to deal with. We're all individuals. 

Once you've identified some goals, think about your strengths and how it might be possible to deal with any obstacles (talking to your partner or a therapist might help with this). For example if you want to study part time, distance learning may suit you better than going to a college as it may reduce social anxiety and distractions in the classroom, and allow you to fit studying around your family commitments.

Understanding how my mind works differently to the minds of NTs has helped me understand myself better. I would recommend "A field guide to earthlings - an autistic / asperger view of neurological behaviour". This may help you with your relationships with NT's. 

I also read "Sane new world"  by Ruby Wax when I was suffering with depression and anxiety. She recommends the "mindfulness" approach,  which I adapted to suit me. Instead of identifying my emotions, which can be difficult, I make sure I am aware of the "feeling bad" state of mind which can lead to a meltdown. 

Good luck 

I started with this book. www.amazon.co.uk/.../1606236342 I read this before I got diagnosed and it did two things for me.

1) I recognised myself in the descriptions at the start of the book

2) Valerie Gaus promotes a positive attitide and she provides some tactics and strategies for doing practical things that can help. I have recommended the book a number of times on the forum and people have re-recommended after they have read it. I can't guarantee that it will work for you but it worked for me and might help you.

Later on, after diagnosis, I read Tony Attwoods complete guide which is a much more academic and dense reference that provides a real expert view. It is stronger on examples and description than it is on practical steps but it is recommended if you really want to know the subject.

I expect that you are likely to benefit from counselling to unpick the social anxiety etc - this is an issue that can be unravelled and you will regain more and more confidence with time (it takes a while to untangle these issues. you will never get rid of the underlying communication issues but I suspect you will struggle to figure out what is autism and what is a consequence at this point. It is a journey that takes time!

Totally get what you are saying there R. I think I am going to have to work with myself and not just rely on drugs. 

As for the missing manual, I find it hard to read information about autism/Aspergers because so much of what is written is from experiences of people with the disorder or from people with no actual medical background and so many of the articles talk about problems people woth Aspergers HAVE to have and I just don't have them. Then I wonder if I am on the spectrum. It isn't helpful. 

If you are depressed then almost any news will be seen in a more negative light and this may have contributed to you not feeling great when told of the diagnosis.

My understanding of this is that a lot of the anxiety and depression is generated by our inability to interact successfully with the world at large. The result of clattering about in the world accumulates and we end up in anxious and depressed states. Many people with autism find that drugs are of limited benefit and the recommended treatment is to have CBT. I have had depression and more latterly anxiety attacks in the past and can look back on what I was like before I started to work things out and try and work with a knowledge of the autism rather than in ignorance of the impact it was having. I always avoided drugs as I had seen that my father was on them for so long and it never really resolved anything for him. In hindsight, he had autism too and would have benefited from the insight that can be gained from a diagnosis.

Look forwards, the diagnosis should be the start of a new chapter in your life. I felt it was like discovering a missing manual to 'me' and suddenly I could figure out what had been going wrong for years.

Yes, I do need to accept myself for me. Hard to do that at the  

I received some info in the post this morning from the person I saw to help with anxiety and clearly I have quite bad social anxiety. I would imagine this is, at least in part, down to the autism. 

Woukd be AMAZING to not feel so anxious all the time. I was hoping the fluoxetine would have done that, but sadly they not. They have however lifted the horrible depression so I'm not complaining!

Different people do take diagnosis differently. Some people find it a relief and find it explains a lot and it is liberating. Some people take it as confirmation that they are broken or defective in some way. I think LMY is on the right track in accepting yourself for what you are and accepting others for their differences. A lot of wasted effort goes on trying to change people's spots.

One thing that might not be clear is exactly what is due to autism and what is an unwanted consequence of autism. Autism can lead to bad habits and behaviours and thought patterns and, if you want to make your life better you can try and untangle the autism from its consequences and work on those consequences whilst accepting the underlying autism.

Well, I think I want to add one more thing and that is to accept who you are and who others are. Easy to say that, I know, but I think that is the only way to be at peace with yourself. At the end of the day we are all conscious, thinking beings and have the ability to set our life course. I just think that AS is something you have to work with.

Lost - that is for the comment. What you are saying is essentially what I was expecting, but haven't actually found. 

Recombinant - thanks for the reassurance. I will take a look at the thread you posted. I must say I have been quite.impressed with the services offered and the speed, so I will take them up. 

Thanks again. 

If you have got to this point then you are not a fraud. They do not diagnose people easily and a lot of people are denied a diagnosis even though they are clearly on the spectrum. It is actually common to have this fear - autistic people often have had a lot of confidence knocked out of them over the years so they are typically unsure of themselves in a lot of ways.

Edit: Have a look at these threads from previous posters. The fear of being a fraud comes up regularly community.autism.org.uk/.../"a fraud"

I was diagnosed two years ago but have just managed to get on a post-diagnosis course. I would strongly recommend that you go along with whatever they are offering - you will then have the option to ignore or accept their advice and help. If you don't go along then you might always wonder whether it might have helped you. Again, it is common for people to be reticent and anxious about attending such things - it won't hurt and it is likely to be good for you.

You should go easy on yourself, it is easy to blame oneself or others for the situations we find ourselves in. Actually this is a thing that just happens to people and noone is to blame. I'm sure you actually a nice honest person who just wants to do their best - I'm not just saying that, these are the normal traits of people with autism - we are honest folk - too honest for our own good sometimes!

I'm a newbie so maybe I'm being a bit cheeky in replying to this (I'm not even sure I have AS) however, I would have thought that the self-knowledge you have gained is invaluable inasmuch as it allows you to pursue a course that will give you the most benefit. I'm not saying that you should feel you have to 'give up' on making social connections because human beings are always capable of change since we are good at learning but I guess it comes down to knowing where your strengths and weaknesses lie. Also, doesn't receiving a diagnosis relieve you of any guilt you might have felt surrounding your behaviour? I'm in the position currently of pondering about whether my life has been all down to me or due to some kind of condition such as AS, which is pretty frustrating because I still feel I don't really know who I am and if I were in your position it would (I hope) give me some closure about why I am like I am and where I am. People say that being an aspie isn't so much a disability as it is a different kind of brain and as such should be celebrated. It's been suggested that some famous aspies in history were Einstein, Newton, Mozart, Beethoven, Steve Jobs, etc! What more can I add?