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Feelings after diagnosis

chuckalicious

I, I've posted here before but since my last post I have had my asd assessment amd have all but been formally diagnosed as being on the spectrum and specifically aspergic. I have one more form to complete for my next apappointment but the person who did the assess!sent said she was certain but still needed that questionnaire done. 

Now, I've always known that I was different and that I was pretty sure I was going to be told I was on the spectrum. 

However, I had always imagined the diagnos would be a relief, allowing me to go a bit easier on myself. 

But now that I am at that point, I don't feel that at all. If anything I'm now questioning if the diagnosis is right, am I a fraud etc. My anxiety just will not give me a break. 

She also asked where I wanted to go from here. She gave me the contact details for a service which specifically helps adults with autism with things like social skills training to finding a job. And now I'm asking myself, where do I want to go with this? Do I want to get better at making lasting friendships or do I want to allow myself to be happy with how things are and not chasing somethin that inevitably won't be good for me. 

Has anyone else gone through anything like this?

I should add I'm male, 35 and married with 2 kids, who I look after full time at home. 

Thank you

Parents

  • Hi Chuckalicious 

    You were wondering where to go with your diagnosis in your original post. I would suggest that you think about what you want for the future. You are looking after your children at the moment, but what about when they are older? Do you want to learn or update skills that will help you get a job? Do you have any friends apart from your spouse and would you like to make new friends or improve your current relationships?

    I get what you say about not identifying with some of the traits described in some of the literature - that applies to me too. But it could be seen as a good thing if you don't have the full range of difficulties that some autistic people have - you have less challenges to deal with. We're all individuals. 

    Once you've identified some goals, think about your strengths and how it might be possible to deal with any obstacles (talking to your partner or a therapist might help with this). For example if you want to study part time, distance learning may suit you better than going to a college as it may reduce social anxiety and distractions in the classroom, and allow you to fit studying around your family commitments.

    Understanding how my mind works differently to the minds of NTs has helped me understand myself better. I would recommend "A field guide to earthlings - an autistic / asperger view of neurological behaviour". This may help you with your relationships with NT's. 

    I also read "Sane new world"  by Ruby Wax when I was suffering with depression and anxiety. She recommends the "mindfulness" approach,  which I adapted to suit me. Instead of identifying my emotions, which can be difficult, I make sure I am aware of the "feeling bad" state of mind which can lead to a meltdown. 

    Good luck 

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  • Hi Chuckalicious 

    You were wondering where to go with your diagnosis in your original post. I would suggest that you think about what you want for the future. You are looking after your children at the moment, but what about when they are older? Do you want to learn or update skills that will help you get a job? Do you have any friends apart from your spouse and would you like to make new friends or improve your current relationships?

    I get what you say about not identifying with some of the traits described in some of the literature - that applies to me too. But it could be seen as a good thing if you don't have the full range of difficulties that some autistic people have - you have less challenges to deal with. We're all individuals. 

    Once you've identified some goals, think about your strengths and how it might be possible to deal with any obstacles (talking to your partner or a therapist might help with this). For example if you want to study part time, distance learning may suit you better than going to a college as it may reduce social anxiety and distractions in the classroom, and allow you to fit studying around your family commitments.

    Understanding how my mind works differently to the minds of NTs has helped me understand myself better. I would recommend "A field guide to earthlings - an autistic / asperger view of neurological behaviour". This may help you with your relationships with NT's. 

    I also read "Sane new world"  by Ruby Wax when I was suffering with depression and anxiety. She recommends the "mindfulness" approach,  which I adapted to suit me. Instead of identifying my emotions, which can be difficult, I make sure I am aware of the "feeling bad" state of mind which can lead to a meltdown. 

    Good luck 

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