My son is obese and I am so responsible

Don't blame yourself, it's not late to lead a healthy lifestyle

Hi, I'm sorry- I just saw the post is 9 years old!! I didn't realise as it was showing up on the recent posts due to a recent reply to it. 

Hi Kim, I am autistic myself and I struggle with food and eating too. It can be very hard to make a change. Making very small changes and substitutions might work best. There a few things that came to mind that might be worth considering- Texture, taste, colour etc can play a big role in determining what food we like- so maybe when you are trying to make substitutions or adding new foods you could consider trying to pick something similar in texture/colour/taste etc. - I'm trying to think of some ideas right now... for the crisps, could you try something else that is crunchy and/or salty- some type of crackers maybe? or veggie chips? (not sure it's healthier but it would at least be something new and could build confidence trying new foods) It could also be worth looking into resources for ARFID (Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder) - I think there should be quite a lot of ARFID books/resources for children- I have a great book which is for adults and it gives lots of tips on how to deal with sensory sensitivities and offers strategies to add in new foods etc. 

Many autistic people do struggle to interpret hunger and fullness cues- you mentioned that you think your son struggles to tell whether he is full- so this is very likely. I don't really have a solution to this but it's probably just good to be aware that he struggles to identify fullness cues and that he cannot rely on these cues at the moment. I struggle with identifying hunger and fullness cues too (and even more so when stressed)- i like routine a lot so I tend to just figure out my portion size over time and just go based on past experience most of the time- it's not ideal but I often just cannot tell easily- with time you do get better at figuring it out or can use other info like (how long ago did I last eat? do I feel faint etc?)- but at his age your son will be unable to really figure this out so you probably need to guide and teach him about appropriate portions for him so that he gets used to it. Also hunger and overfullness/nausea for me can feel the same a lot of the time- this can be very confusing because once I overeat, instead of wanting to stop I just want to eat more. 

You mention routine/ liking things to be the same and I think this is another big consideration. I think it's quite common too. It's not necessarily a bad thing if you are in a 'good routine' but making changes can be difficult and it can be stressful when the routine is disrupted. 

You also mention getting comfort from food- hopefully with time he will develop other self-soothing skills. The other consideration is that sometimes food/eating can be a way of stimming, which can also help release stress (for example i used to have this bad habit of licking chocolate butter or peanut butter- i then realised I was very drawn to the texture/ smoothness and the sensory experience of it and I mainly did it when stressed to soothe- once I realised this it was easier to stop). But you could consider getting him some alternative things to stim with- I've never tried this but I know there is chewelry etc. It could be worth a try to attempt to replace the eating with another sort of stimming to self-soothe. 

Finally, I have a very good dietitian who has a lot of autistic patients and has been of great help- I am not sure if she works with children but if you want I am happy to pass on her contact details. She might also be able to recommend someone else. Hopefully you will get some good support from the paediatrician and the NHS team. 

I hope you manage to make some progress- small baby steps. I can tell that you are doing all you can to help your son. 

If you changed the age to 10 years old you would be describing my son, he doesn't pig out or eat oversized potions. It's just the only food he will selective eat are limited and not the most nutritional foods to eat consistently.

I feel exactly how you do, but when it comes to getting any help and advice. It's like banging your head against a wall. 

My son is my world and kids can be cruel it breaks my heart to see my son look in the mirror and he doesn't like himself because of his weight,. He can't wear clothes for children his age as only adult mens clothes fit him but not well. I want to help prevent any further wieght how I do this when my son doesn't eat a part from meal times and he doesn't eat large portions either so it just feel helpless to help my child , selective eating limits massively by way of cutting certain things out because then he would starve

It shouldn't be this hard to get help for your child, I mean even the most basic things you gota practically beg for it. Life's  hard enough without trying to get help from anywhere/anyone for your childs wellbeing, health and happiness overall quality of life feeling like a constant uphill battle.nit just health wise either the education side is even worse , at present I'm fighting to get my son help he needs in school he has the right to be taught in a way in which he understands otherwise isn't learning if he doesn't understand, they agree he is struggling they agree he needs support but it's not that simple to get it. You have a 100 meetings you have to have agreement from a panel strangers whom dnt know me or my son but they get to decide if they think he needs extra help

lukes mummy,

Firstly, one thing stood out in your second post - you say he eats lots of fruit - this could be your key - try reducing the 'bad' foods and replacing them with more fruit - one can get almost all the nutrients we need from fruit and veg.

Secondly, if one does enough exercise one can eat any amount of anything - as long as one burns off excess calories one will maintain a steady weight (and if one burns more calories than one takes in one will lose weight) - so try to encourage him to do more exercise - this may not need to be a great deal, just 30minutes walking everyday to start with, for example - and, to help with this, you could use his favourite foods as motivation (just make sure you do make it reward-based ("If you do X you'll get Y") not punishment-based ("If you don't do X you won't get Y")).

Thirdly, make an appointment with a nutritionist.

Has he been checked for metabolic issues? Some people put on more weight than others, or crave unhealthy amounts of food, and this could be genetic.

Remember that young people on the spectrum, because of social skills and coordination issues, won't get picked for the football team. That is to say they wont get the opportunity to participate in the energy burn off activities of their peers, and may indeed, for reasons like sensory issues or bullying, not want to. So they have less chance of being physically active.

With meltdowns, don't just look at potential immediate causes. There may be multiple factors causing anxiety on top of which small additional crises can trigger a meltdown. These longer term factors may be a reason for comfort eating.

Is he being bullied at school, and particularly are they making an issue of his size, which could become self fulfilling? But girth versus ridicule for being ASC-odd may be preferable, so living up to the fat boy image huurts less than being ridiculed for the disability.

Check for really bad fat content foods, of which digestives, hobnobs etc, chocolate or otherwise, are very high, worse than crisps.

Just one thing to add. Eating disorders and autism go together A LOT. 

People think eating disorders are just anorexia and bulimia, but there are lots of others including a binge eating disorder and comfort eating.

I was taken with the part where you said your littel boy took the sausage out of the sausage roll. It is most common for comfort eating to involve startchy foods like pastry, bread, chips, rice, pasta, crisps etc. with a fatty savoury addition like butter, cheese etc. The body gets a "comforting" feeling from these type of food, a true physiological response, and the more this response is achieved, by eating more of these, the stronger the addiction to the foods.

I fully realise that because your son is so young it will be very difficult to change things, however, using more protein can help (it willl take the body about a week to start to lose the craving for the feeling). Also, bear in mind that many people with autism are super tasters and vegetables, especially for children can have way too strong a flavour. If he can eat one or two of the milder vegetables that's enough for now.

I hope this reply is of some help. Maybe you can find out if it is some sort of comfort eating.

Lastly, remember that physical exercise is for health and fun not for weight loss. No-one will lose weight from physical exercise unless you are training as a professional athlete would do (physiologists are always trying to impress this fact on doctors and weight loss peddlars). Only reducing food intake will reduce weight.

Balance is key, and avoid over-eating. Easier said than done, I know.

I don't think it is about excluding the food he loves, just ensuring that he eats far less of it. How about one bag of crisps a week , so that it becomes a routine he looks forward to?

stranger said:

Surely, you shouldn't add sugar to food, full stop?

There are all sorts of foods that you would add sugar (or another sweetener) to.  For instance, home-baked cakes, cookies, biscuits, puddings etc.  It's also sometimes used in moderation to balance the savoury ingredients in dishes that contain stronger, saltier flavours.  I agree that it's better not to eat sugar if you can avoid it, but some foods would be ruined without sweetening.  What about adults drinking tea or coffee that like a spoon of sugar in it?  When someone is in shock, they recommend a cup of hot, sweet tea.  Like all things, it should be done in moderation and this is the key to OP changing her son's diet.  It would be very difficult for him to change his food preferences, having been used to junk foods, to have sugar cut totally out of his diet in one fell swoop and she would likely face more resistance to the changes than she otherwise would.  Sometimes a gradual approach is needed.

Brooke66 said:

I would not hide veg its like lying.

That get's my vote for the silliest comment of the day!  Omission of information is not lying.  And when you are acting in the interests of your child's health even less so.  As an adult with Asperger's (as well as being parent of two children with autism), who is scrupulously honest in true Aspie-style, I find that ridiculous.

And when you consider, that if e.g. you bought a jar of pasta sauce it contains hidden ingredients in the sauce already.  Are manufacturers of all foods containing ingredients you weren't aware of lying to their customers!  I don't like celery, can't abide it, but I have found out that it's an ingredient in many sauces, soups that I have eaten.  Whoops, I have been so lied to...

Surely, you shouldn't add sugar to food, full stop?

I have found involving my boy with growing easy things like chillies peppers herbs toatoes etc then trying new recipes and cooking together has increased the variety in his diet.I would not hide veg its like lying.Make a simple soup and blend it if he dosent like "bits".May not always work for every child but for my boy it was fun activiies that we shared.

PickyEater said:

You can also hide cooked vegetables in pasta sauces by blending them up if he's not eating enough vegetables.

Instead of using sugar, use Stevia granules in anything you would have with sugar.

Use low-fat milk or milk alternatives such as rice milk. soya milk etc.

Unless you know why he doesn't want to eat certain foods, I really wouldn't do this. If he doesn't like certain foods because of the way they taste, then he's still going to be able to taste them if you hide them in other foods, and there's a risk he'll refuse to eat the "carrier food" again because he associates it with the unpleasant taste. Swapping in different types of milk or sweetners to food he is already familiar with and expecting him not to know the difference is also risky. Even if he doesn't actively dislike it, the fact that it just tastes WRONG may mean he refuses it anyway, whereas if you introduce it as new special thing, he may like it once you've convinced him to try it.

Well, that's you, no-one knows whether OP's son will feel differently until it's tried.  If you take that attitude then you are keeping the doors closed to all possibilities.  Every person with ASC is different.  I personally feel they are good suggestions and I find it unwise to discourage OP from trying them out.  It's important her son gets all the nutrients he can and is as healthy as possible.  It's having a closed-minded approach that helps children along (ASC or not) to developing resistance to particular foods and a parent of an ASC child needs to be more inventive than normal to overcome the issues the child may have with food.  Pasta sauces usually have a distinct enough flavour to easily mask liquidised vegetables anyway.  No-one should rule out new ways of trying things, it can only be beneficial.  Many times, an autistic child needs repetition to learn to accept something.  I read somewhere once that an average child needs to try something new up to 17 times before they learn to like it.

You can also hide cooked vegetables in pasta sauces by blending them up if he's not eating enough vegetables.

Instead of using sugar, use Stevia granules in anything you would have with sugar.

Use low-fat milk or milk alternatives such as rice milk. soya milk etc.

Unless you know why he doesn't want to eat certain foods, I really wouldn't do this. If he doesn't like certain foods because of the way they taste, then he's still going to be able to taste them if you hide them in other foods, and there's a risk he'll refuse to eat the "carrier food" again because he associates it with the unpleasant taste. Swapping in different types of milk or sweetners to food he is already familiar with and expecting him not to know the difference is also risky. Even if he doesn't actively dislike it, the fact that it just tastes WRONG may mean he refuses it anyway, whereas if you introduce it as new special thing, he may like it once you've convinced him to try it.

Hi - it's so difficult.  My son used to like a certain type of food but only from 1 maker!  Approach things step by little step so expectations are achievable.  He must be eating quite a lot of these items to be putting on weight so, despite all the emphasis on healthy living, try to cut a few things down a bit such as less cheese spread in the sandwiches, pizza a bit smaller, 1 slice of toast instead of 2, or 2 smaller slices.  Spread spread more thinly (sorry about typing "spread, spread!).  Substitute fruit for other treats.  Have certain things as a treat for when he's achieved something.  "Treat time".  I know it won't be at all easy as you've both got in a way with things.  It's absolutely so easy to give in.  I've done it many times over the yrs.  Does he eat the same things at school as he does at home?  Just a thought but some children vary their eating habits depending on location!

Hi and Thankyou for the replies, here goes , these are the things he will eat toast for breakfast , we changed to 50/50 bread and low fat flora and he stopped eating it , he said it was horrible. So I changed back to white and can't believe it's not butter. He won't eat cereals. He eats cheese spread sandwiches , sausage rolls but not the sausage, I have to take the sausage out . Cheese spread can only be dairy lea but get the lighter version. He won't eat vegetables but will eat lots of different fruit . Yogurt without bits ,cheese and tomato pizza only if it has no real tomatoes and no herbs . And skinny chips. Oh and crisps he loves crisps and chocolate digestives . Diet caffiene free cola and skimmed milk ,That's about it , he will not try new things  , I have tried and tried. I just give in all the time and I know I have to stop. If he could he would eat packet after packet , I don't think he knows when he's full, need to talk to paed about that I think.

I have spoken to his swimming teacher today and she is going to do private lessons with him so that's a start. But take this afternoon , I've hidden the crisps and when he asked for them I told him we didn't have any so he said "can I have toast" and like a soft touch I made it for him. 

We have just got involved with the local autism team so we now have support there .

i would love to see him eat ordinary food on a plate like the rest of us .

all sorts of things tend to cause meltdowns and we can avoid most but I think he gets a lot of comfort from food so when we say no he gets so upset, it's heartbreaking.hes very sensitive to noise, busy places, overly bright lights, change of any sort , there's probably a lot more I'm not thinking of.

thankyou again for your replies.

kim

Hi,

You're not a failure. He needs to eat, and I imagine if your child will only eat fattening things you'd feel there isn't much you can do. Food issues are common with children on the spectrum, I had them myself. Apparently, and I didn't know this until quite recently, I started refusing to eat a lot of things when we all went away to celebrate my grandparents' golden wedding anniversary. I was too young to remember that, but I do remember not wanting to eat anything I was given when I was a little older.

For a long time I'd only eat the outsides of things, and I think as long as I'd eaten something my mum was happy. But she started encouraging me to eat the insides of things too. I remember her cutting up sausages into tiny pieces, and I think I took to that well.

I'm still a very fussy eater at 18. Annoyingly, most of the things the rest of my family enjoys make my stomach turn just looking at them, but at least I eat now. Don't worry. You'll get through it.

I applaud your honesty, as well as your wish to rectify the situation.

You should replace unhealthy treats with healthy/healthier ones instead.  Nuts (if he doesn't have an allergy to them) such as mixed nuts, dried fruit, fresh fruit (fruit salad might look appealing), low-fat cheese sticks, cucumber/pepper/raw carrot sticks with a low-fat houmous dip, change your bread and rolls to granary, always use half-fat or low fat cheese.  Health shops and maybe some supermarkets also do crisps made of beetroot and other sliced dried veggies.  If you get him involved in preparation he will probably show more interest in eating them than he otherwise would.  The bright colours of mixed fruit salads and the houmous and veg sticks should appeal to him.

You can also hide cooked vegetables in pasta sauces by blending them up if he's not eating enough vegetables.

Instead of using sugar, use Stevia granules in anything you would have with sugar.

Use low-fat milk or milk alternatives such as rice milk. soya milk etc. Cut all the fat off meat.

If he is using an adult sized plate cut down to a side-plate size so he doesn't notice his plate has smaller portions.  Don't cut portion size if they are already age appropriate though, in that case it's the content that needs to change.  This isn't about a diet it's about changing what he eats, unless medically advised by a health professional you shouldn't put him on a diet.

If he is boredom eating, ensure he is kept as occupied as possible.  As you have realised, if you don't buy the unhealthy foods/treats then no matter how much he wants them he can't have them.  He may meltdown at first, but he will get used to knowing what is available.  You could also try explaining to his logical mind, that unhealthy food is bad and there are nice-tasting things that are good for him.

Good luck.

Hi - you are not a complete failure as a mum.  It can be very difficult with food issues and it's tempting to give in for a quiet life, especially if you're worn out with the holidays.  You're right that you need to reverse the trend of increasing weight so it's how best to do it.  I don't know from your post what he eats and how much so can't comment there, but I think it's a matter of subtley cutting it down so there aren't any major blowouts.  My son who's an adult now, loves his food and there are only several things he doesn't like.  His weight has to be watched so it's meant putting more veg on his plate so he gets a big enough dinner.  Buying smaller treats such as ice lollies that aren't high in calories, little ice cream tubes, snack size choc etc.  Low cal drinks.  So his diet hasn't changed dramatically, he doesn't feel he's missing out etc.  Do you know why he has meltdowns?  Changes to routine, sensory issues?  It's not easy to discover why sometime,s but if you can find out and then change things then his meltdowns may lessen and you'll feel a bit better.  Do you think exercise such as swimming is something he enjoys?  If so it can be part of his weekly routine to help with his weight/fitness.  Also, do you get enough support from his school, other agencies so you can have a break?  Try to help him lose weight little by little.  It'll take longer but should involve less upset.  It'll make you feel better as well.