My son is obese and I am so responsible

Hi and Thankyou for the replies, here goes , these are the things he will eat toast for breakfast , we changed to 50/50 bread and low fat flora and he stopped eating it , he said it was horrible. So I changed back to white and can't believe it's not butter. He won't eat cereals. He eats cheese spread sandwiches , sausage rolls but not the sausage, I have to take the sausage out . Cheese spread can only be dairy lea but get the lighter version. He won't eat vegetables but will eat lots of different fruit . Yogurt without bits ,cheese and tomato pizza only if it has no real tomatoes and no herbs . And skinny chips. Oh and crisps he loves crisps and chocolate digestives . Diet caffiene free cola and skimmed milk ,That's about it , he will not try new things  , I have tried and tried. I just give in all the time and I know I have to stop. If he could he would eat packet after packet , I don't think he knows when he's full, need to talk to paed about that I think.

I have spoken to his swimming teacher today and she is going to do private lessons with him so that's a start. But take this afternoon , I've hidden the crisps and when he asked for them I told him we didn't have any so he said "can I have toast" and like a soft touch I made it for him. 

We have just got involved with the local autism team so we now have support there .

i would love to see him eat ordinary food on a plate like the rest of us .

all sorts of things tend to cause meltdowns and we can avoid most but I think he gets a lot of comfort from food so when we say no he gets so upset, it's heartbreaking.hes very sensitive to noise, busy places, overly bright lights, change of any sort , there's probably a lot more I'm not thinking of.

thankyou again for your replies.

kim

Hi Kim, I am autistic myself and I struggle with food and eating too. It can be very hard to make a change. Making very small changes and substitutions might work best. There a few things that came to mind that might be worth considering- Texture, taste, colour etc can play a big role in determining what food we like- so maybe when you are trying to make substitutions or adding new foods you could consider trying to pick something similar in texture/colour/taste etc. - I'm trying to think of some ideas right now... for the crisps, could you try something else that is crunchy and/or salty- some type of crackers maybe? or veggie chips? (not sure it's healthier but it would at least be something new and could build confidence trying new foods) It could also be worth looking into resources for ARFID (Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder) - I think there should be quite a lot of ARFID books/resources for children- I have a great book which is for adults and it gives lots of tips on how to deal with sensory sensitivities and offers strategies to add in new foods etc. 

Many autistic people do struggle to interpret hunger and fullness cues- you mentioned that you think your son struggles to tell whether he is full- so this is very likely. I don't really have a solution to this but it's probably just good to be aware that he struggles to identify fullness cues and that he cannot rely on these cues at the moment. I struggle with identifying hunger and fullness cues too (and even more so when stressed)- i like routine a lot so I tend to just figure out my portion size over time and just go based on past experience most of the time- it's not ideal but I often just cannot tell easily- with time you do get better at figuring it out or can use other info like (how long ago did I last eat? do I feel faint etc?)- but at his age your son will be unable to really figure this out so you probably need to guide and teach him about appropriate portions for him so that he gets used to it. Also hunger and overfullness/nausea for me can feel the same a lot of the time- this can be very confusing because once I overeat, instead of wanting to stop I just want to eat more. 

You mention routine/ liking things to be the same and I think this is another big consideration. I think it's quite common too. It's not necessarily a bad thing if you are in a 'good routine' but making changes can be difficult and it can be stressful when the routine is disrupted. 

You also mention getting comfort from food- hopefully with time he will develop other self-soothing skills. The other consideration is that sometimes food/eating can be a way of stimming, which can also help release stress (for example i used to have this bad habit of licking chocolate butter or peanut butter- i then realised I was very drawn to the texture/ smoothness and the sensory experience of it and I mainly did it when stressed to soothe- once I realised this it was easier to stop). But you could consider getting him some alternative things to stim with- I've never tried this but I know there is chewelry etc. It could be worth a try to attempt to replace the eating with another sort of stimming to self-soothe. 

Finally, I have a very good dietitian who has a lot of autistic patients and has been of great help- I am not sure if she works with children but if you want I am happy to pass on her contact details. She might also be able to recommend someone else. Hopefully you will get some good support from the paediatrician and the NHS team. 

I hope you manage to make some progress- small baby steps. I can tell that you are doing all you can to help your son. 

Hi Kim, I am autistic myself and I struggle with food and eating too. It can be very hard to make a change. Making very small changes and substitutions might work best. There a few things that came to mind that might be worth considering- Texture, taste, colour etc can play a big role in determining what food we like- so maybe when you are trying to make substitutions or adding new foods you could consider trying to pick something similar in texture/colour/taste etc. - I'm trying to think of some ideas right now... for the crisps, could you try something else that is crunchy and/or salty- some type of crackers maybe? or veggie chips? (not sure it's healthier but it would at least be something new and could build confidence trying new foods) It could also be worth looking into resources for ARFID (Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder) - I think there should be quite a lot of ARFID books/resources for children- I have a great book which is for adults and it gives lots of tips on how to deal with sensory sensitivities and offers strategies to add in new foods etc. 

Many autistic people do struggle to interpret hunger and fullness cues- you mentioned that you think your son struggles to tell whether he is full- so this is very likely. I don't really have a solution to this but it's probably just good to be aware that he struggles to identify fullness cues and that he cannot rely on these cues at the moment. I struggle with identifying hunger and fullness cues too (and even more so when stressed)- i like routine a lot so I tend to just figure out my portion size over time and just go based on past experience most of the time- it's not ideal but I often just cannot tell easily- with time you do get better at figuring it out or can use other info like (how long ago did I last eat? do I feel faint etc?)- but at his age your son will be unable to really figure this out so you probably need to guide and teach him about appropriate portions for him so that he gets used to it. Also hunger and overfullness/nausea for me can feel the same a lot of the time- this can be very confusing because once I overeat, instead of wanting to stop I just want to eat more. 

You mention routine/ liking things to be the same and I think this is another big consideration. I think it's quite common too. It's not necessarily a bad thing if you are in a 'good routine' but making changes can be difficult and it can be stressful when the routine is disrupted. 

You also mention getting comfort from food- hopefully with time he will develop other self-soothing skills. The other consideration is that sometimes food/eating can be a way of stimming, which can also help release stress (for example i used to have this bad habit of licking chocolate butter or peanut butter- i then realised I was very drawn to the texture/ smoothness and the sensory experience of it and I mainly did it when stressed to soothe- once I realised this it was easier to stop). But you could consider getting him some alternative things to stim with- I've never tried this but I know there is chewelry etc. It could be worth a try to attempt to replace the eating with another sort of stimming to self-soothe. 

Finally, I have a very good dietitian who has a lot of autistic patients and has been of great help- I am not sure if she works with children but if you want I am happy to pass on her contact details. She might also be able to recommend someone else. Hopefully you will get some good support from the paediatrician and the NHS team. 

I hope you manage to make some progress- small baby steps. I can tell that you are doing all you can to help your son. 

Hi, I'm sorry- I just saw the post is 9 years old!! I didn't realise as it was showing up on the recent posts due to a recent reply to it.