Published on 12, July, 2020
Last week my son told me he was transgender and wanted to be a girl. I am a very easy going person so accept that this is his choice. Obviously it is a shock to hear it when there have only been the tiniest of signs dropped by him over the last few weeks. So I am still having to let the information and everything it means sink in.
The history with my husband is a long and complicated one where I have almost ended in a refuge for the abused. He has never hit me but the mental abuse has been awful. I decided to stay in the end as I didn't want to break up the family and I couldn't figure out if he was actually meaning to be abusive or if it was his autism. Alot of his issues are around control and I just can't decide if this is something connected to autism or his childhood experiences (or both). In my mind if he isn't trying to hurt me on purpose then I should be there for him and not walk out. With this in mind I decided to go to CBT. This really helped me to become stronger and I started to stand up to him. His behaviour has improved but I still have to 'walk on egg shells' around him.
When my son told me he was transgender he insisted that he wanted to go privately as NHS waiting times are too long. We discussed the costs and I told him if he wanted me to pay we would have to tell his dad as it would be unfair on my relationship with his father to ask me to keep this from him when paying for treatment. I understood my sons reluctance to tell him as his dad has no understanding of gay men or of transgender people. My son asked if I would tell him, so last night I sat next to him and told him. He said 'that's all I need!' Then went on to be verbally abusive towards me. He didn't mention my son. He just started picking at me and what I am always doing that is wrong.
I understand that he is upset and he is using me to vent his emotions but I am also having to get my head around what my son has told me. We have not spoken since last night and I have hardly slept and feel so anxious and tearful.
I have so many wonderful and close friends around me but I can't talk to them about it because I promised my son I would not tell anyone. I feel so alone having nobody to talk to and want help but don't know where to turn. Should it be an autism helpline, a transgender helpline or an abuse victim helpline?
Plastic said:Not true. Messing around with hormones at critical times does have real consequences
I've heard this claim before but never seen any evidence to back it up. Given that there is a wide range of ages when non-trans children go through puberty without it causing problems, I'm skeptical that trans children going through puberty later would suddenly cause a problem. Particularly as the same medications have been used for non-trans children for other conditions.
The times when trans children get puberty blockers are where they are more certain about their gender identity and they've experienced gender dysphoria for a long period of time (even longer once you add in the time spent on waiting lists). Given the distress and mental health issues caused by going through a puberty that doesn't match their gender, it would seem that prescribing blockers does less harm than not prescribing them.
pegasus said:puberty blockers
Puberty Blockers sound like something from a horror story. There simply cannot be anything good that comes from blocking the natural maturation process. Nature doesn't make mistakes. We tamper with it at our peril.
'Nature doesn't make mistakes,' is a fallacy. We are nature, things we make and do is an extension of human nature. We can't not tamper with nature when we have to interact with nature simply by existing and being part of nature itself.
Certain feminists are big on calling for equal rights until its equal rights to step into a boxing ring and smash someones brains out or go to war and shoot or get shot at. I didn't hear many of them protesting for women's right to join the sas. No then women are delicate little flowers that must be protected. It's one of the worst kinds of hypocrisy.
One or two stories I know about trans women beating biological women have been spread with some...lies and some truths but out of context. For example, a photograph of an injured female MMA fighter was being spread by anti-trans activists, and they were claiming that was the image of someone who had lost to a trans woman called Fallon Fox. The problem is, that photograph wasn't even taken after that fight and was a picture of her opponent after a completely different fight! Another one I can't remember what sport exactly, I'm fairly certain it was a fighting sport though, anti-trans activists were going mad about it, all sorts of lies were being spread. But guess what it turns out? She'd never competed professionally since transitioning! My point is, there is a pro-trans movement out there that maybe goes too far... But there is also an anti-trans movement that spreads lies about trans people too. Even if it's correct that pro-trans movements have some...shady areas within it, that doesn't justify an anti-trans movement spreading lies and hate.
Athletes didn't take us to the stars. Scientists did. Sporting prowess is effectively useless to society at this point. Wars are no longer won by physical strength or endurance, food no longer gathered by hunters.
Plastic said:I'm talking about biological females getting the snot smashed out of them in competitive sports with physically male competitors. Happened a few times already - female MMA with smashed skull in the US.
So what. Male competitors in full contact sports regularly get injured why not women?
Plastic said:Soon, no team wanting to win will be able to field a genetically female competitor - they will just lose.
Soon no team wanting to win will field a genetically unmodified competitor. The difference between gold or bronze at the top level is either the genetic lottery or doping. Performance enhancing gene therapy can't be far behind.
Peter said:How many young women in hospital? Can we just stop with the rather sexist assumption that all men, and by extension trans women, are inherently a threat to women already?
How many young women in hospital?
Can we just stop with the rather sexist assumption that all men, and by extension trans women, are inherently a threat to women already?
I'm talking about biological females getting the snot smashed out of them in competitive sports with physically male competitors. Happened a few times already - female MMA with smashed skull in the US.
My facts are neither sexist or biased - just facts.
Soon, no team wanting to win will be able to field a genetically female competitor - they will just lose.
Be interesting to see how long Wimbledon lasts.
Peter said:How many sports scholarships will young girls win in future? In my perfect world 0 ... because I'd probably abolish all such scholarships.
How many sports scholarships will young girls win in future?
In my perfect world 0 ... because I'd probably abolish all such scholarships.
Wow, way to reach for the stars.......!
Do you really think that's gonna be a common thing? A man with a beard going into women's toilets? I know one person you have been listening to, but probably others too; they've distorted your view. Do you think men who want to commit sexual crimes would want to make themselves stand out like that? From what I know about the sports stuff, there would be requirements a trans woman would have to meet before she would be able to participate in such sports. It's still open for debate on how to include trans people in sport, and many trans people accept that research may come out one day suggesting we can never have an inclusion of trans women in Combative sport. Listen to what you're saying. What you're saying is from people who want to dehumanise trans women. And it does this by pointing fingers and essentially equating them with sexual offenders!
Plastic said:Because most lesser things that would have got them locked up are now legal or such a muddy grey or hot-potato area that conviction is unlikely.
The solution there is to exclude grey areas and sex based bias from our legal system. But anyway what are the grey areas and hot potatoes to which you refer?
Plastic said:If a 6' well-built bloke with a beard with jeans and jumper can legally barge into the lady's because today he's calling himself 'Mary', where have women's right gone?
I wasn't aware that being able to urinate beyond the hearing of a member of the opposite sex, or indeed any person, was now a human right? cubicles offer adequate privacy from the prying eyes of all genders when properly installed and maintained.
Plastic said:If he can then join the Olympic female Judo team, how many Golds will he win?
I don't know. And honestly I don't care. elite competitive sport is more about genes than talent now anyway.
Plastic said:How many young women in hospital?
Plastic said:How many sports scholarships will young girls win in future?
Peter said:Sounds very strange to me. Get out of jail free? Female sex offenders exist, we still put them in jail? How'd you work that one out?
Because most lesser things that would have got them locked up are now legal or such a muddy grey or hot-potato area that conviction is unlikely.
If a 6' well-built bloke with a beard with jeans and jumper can legally barge into the lady's because today he's calling himself 'Mary', where have women's right gone? If he can then join the Olympic female Judo team, how many Golds will he win? How many young women in hospital? How many sports scholarships will young girls win in future? I could go on pointing out the new laws but most people don't want to think about the implications - and I'm a 'wing nut'.
/wing nut.
Sounds very strange to me. Get out of jail free? Female sex offenders exist, we still put them in jail? How'd you work that one out?
I do tend to agree that endless arguing about sensitive language only detracts from the genuine needs of trans people. The fact that the average wait to be seen by a specialist is 18 months. A big fuss about ordinary citizens refusing to use changed names but companies are largely able to be very difficult about new names on documentation and hide behind security concerns if called out on it.