I am currently working on a suicide prevention/crisis plan. One of the questions are 'what are your reasons for living', I really have no idea and can't think of any and have said this to my worker.
I wondered what other ASD/AS people's answer would be to this.
If you can, a sentence or two written would be welcome.
I have no reason to not die if I dont do it deliberately as I will die when I die. But the only reason I haven’t done it deliberately is because of the statistics of successful suicides in the only ways I have the opportunity to do it with are not good either in terms of achieving anything other than ending up being locked up on a ward or ending up not dying but with a life of even more misery and disability from something like brain damage.
Same here. I wanted to find something painless. I cared about success rate, not who I left behind (not many people and no kids). But you know what happened? When I tried to carry out the final act, my own body, my vitality, my life force took over and fought back. I discovered I was too healthy to snuff out. Even when I was unconscious... my own body saved itself. My heart pumped hard and adrenaline was flowing. That was the message I guess.
My reasons for living:
My 3 daughters, they need me because I’m their mummy, even my eldest who has my first grandchild on it’s way (Eek!)
My husband, we drive each other round the bend most of the time but he’d be lost without me
My friends, Autistic people can and do have friends, I have a number of friends who mean a lot to me and who I support in various ways, 1 or 2 of whom I think are a bit short on the friends front and I wouldn’t want to think of them being lonely
My group for Autistic women that I run locally, I think it’s fair to say that both the monthly meetings and the online group provide a source of support for members, I wouldn’t like to think of them going without that support
The Beaver Scout Group that I run, where would they be without Fox to prepare activities for them to enjoy and to get them all out at dodgeball very quickly
I could think of more but ultimately, I enjoy life and I’ve always had the mind set that no matter how bad things get (and believe me there have been times when things have been very bad) they will always get better, and they always have done!
Sorry if I’m coming across as overly positive BUT in a round about way I’m trying to point out that there is always a reason to live! I am Autistic, I also have an acquired brain injury too after nearly getting killed by a recycling truck 12 1/2 years ago, I ended up in a psych hospital for a bit after that as my depression got so bad and at that time I couldn’t think of a reason to live. But my life got better, so will yours! What do you need to give you a reason to live?
1) The feeling will pass
I think, like Kitsune says, the feeling will pass. I've gone through periods of feeling suicidal, including planning how, when and where to the point I ensured that my fiancé wouldn't be the one who found me, but it passed. You just have to keep going one more day, and one more day after that etc., until you start feeling a little better again.
2) You will devastate at least some of those left behind
I have a brother, whom I know would never understand and never forgive me, and parents who would be left with sadness and guilt in their old age, which they don't deserve. My nieces would be too young to remember me, and my fiancé is amazing and would easily find someone else so I wasn't worried about them. I don't have any pets but, if I did, I think that might keep me going too.
3) The world needs you to live
My ongoing suicide prevention strategy is to keep creating purpose in my life, no matter how small. I joined a local litter-picking group and also started a campaign for tree-planting. The other thing is to keep finding people (or animals) who need you. The combination of the two is quite a powerful motivator to live and helps me keep things in perspective a bit to prevent me spiralling down the suicide avenue.
4) You're not alone in feeling this
It is really common for autistic people to feel suicidal, and just acknowledging that might make you feel less alone with it all too. There are lots of us out here who do completely understand what you're feeling and going through.
Hope some of that helps a little?
There are many positive things about life, but I know first hand that "count your blessings" is rarely helpful advice. At the moment I'm often finding myself saying "I'm happy, or at least content, but I rarely *feel* happy". Anyway, I'll list the positives that come to my mind:
Curry, thumbs up for that :-)
Yes, that is a problem and needs a lot of research and planning to get it right.
I'll never get what I need, isn't that what's at the core of it all....
1) been a while, building, it's torturous to feel this way and yet be trapped in a having to get it right for the reasons flint said. There is a dark autistic ironicy in that.
2) No I'm afraid there won't be.
3) The very first time I saw the psychiatrist they said, "If I could, I would prescribe a dog to everyone who came to see me". I like dogs, have always wanted one but because of OCD traits I could not cope with all the horrible stuff like ticks and fleas and worms and all the dirt then it's toys all over the house after being in its mouth and the ultimate horror of them licking thier bottoms then you. I am sure I would totally stress it out with my behaviour around that. And a lot of dogs I see look up to thier owners every few seconds for what I'm not sure but I think I'd struggle with that going on all the time. Maybe another dark autistic ironicy. It's a bit sad because I do like them.
So, when I am really low I convince myself that there are no reasons for living. No one will miss me, I'm a pain in the butt for the few that know me.
At those times it's literally about getting to the next day. So my hard times list is:
When I'm really on the edge, apart from the weetabix I literally have to appreciate life based on physics and biology when I can start to wonder about it and eventually the next day comes.