Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
I am currently working on a suicide prevention/crisis plan. One of the questions are 'what are your reasons for living', I really have no idea and can't think of any and have said this to my worker.
I wondered what other ASD/AS people's answer would be to this.
If you can, a sentence or two written would be welcome.
Thanks
1) The feeling will pass
I think, like Kitsune says, the feeling will pass. I've gone through periods of feeling suicidal, including planning how, when and where to the point I ensured that my fiancé wouldn't be the one who found me, but it passed. You just have to keep going one more day, and one more day after that etc., until you start feeling a little better again.
2) You will devastate at least some of those left behind
I have a brother, whom I know would never understand and never forgive me, and parents who would be left with sadness and guilt in their old age, which they don't deserve. My nieces would be too young to remember me, and my fiancé is amazing and would easily find someone else so I wasn't worried about them. I don't have any pets but, if I did, I think that might keep me going too.
3) The world needs you to live
My ongoing suicide prevention strategy is to keep creating purpose in my life, no matter how small. I joined a local litter-picking group and also started a campaign for tree-planting. The other thing is to keep finding people (or animals) who need you. The combination of the two is quite a powerful motivator to live and helps me keep things in perspective a bit to prevent me spiralling down the suicide avenue.
4) You're not alone in feeling this
It is really common for autistic people to feel suicidal, and just acknowledging that might make you feel less alone with it all too. There are lots of us out here who do completely understand what you're feeling and going through.
Hope some of that helps a little?
1) been a while, building, it's torturous to feel this way and yet be trapped in a having to get it right for the reasons flint said. There is a dark autistic ironicy in that.
2) No I'm afraid there won't be.
3) The very first time I saw the psychiatrist they said, "If I could, I would prescribe a dog to everyone who came to see me". I like dogs, have always wanted one but because of OCD traits I could not cope with all the horrible stuff like ticks and fleas and worms and all the dirt then it's toys all over the house after being in its mouth and the ultimate horror of them licking thier bottoms then you. I am sure I would totally stress it out with my behaviour around that. And a lot of dogs I see look up to thier owners every few seconds for what I'm not sure but I think I'd struggle with that going on all the time. Maybe another dark autistic ironicy. It's a bit sad because I do like them.