Antidepressants

At work/uni, I often get to the point of almost crying in front of people, and I have suicidal thoughts. I've refused antidepressants in the past, in case they affect my uni performance and/or I become dependent on them. I know my depression isn't purely biological, it's because of my inability to fit in in the world. I'm interested to hear the experiences of other autistic individuals with antidepressants. Did they help you, or did your low mood persist because of your autism? How difficult were the side effects, did they affect your ability to work/study? Did you become dependent on them?

Thanks for your responses :)