Im 31 and have just been diagnosed with aspergers and I’m living with the in laws(saving for a mortgage). I’ve made the mistake of telling them of my diagnosis, I was explains to the mother in law about my lack of compassion and that I don’t consiously feel love(but obviously do as I’m still with my wife, care about her and got help so I could try and better myself for her) to which she replied if she knew this before we go married she wouldn’t of aloud it.
Well I told my wife straight after this happened, she text her dad who then got hold of the mom which resulted in everyone getting pissed off.
We were supposed to have sat down that evening to talk about it(of which I was dreading as you can prob understand) it never happened.
So I text mothe in law the next day to ask if we could just forget about as it was too much on an already full plate for my wife and to just be civil.
Well 3 days later, no one is speaking to each other, my insecurities are going haywire and I feel as isolated as ever, I haven’t felt like this since I went to do my gcse’s In a year of 500+ people of which not one spoke to or aknoleged me!
Anyway I just wanted to vent and any advice would be appreciated or just someone to talk to, to know I’m not alone would be very helpful. And if someone could by me a house that would help to lol.
Been there.. Every time, I make the mistake of talking to someone, opening up or making myself vulnerable in any way, I always end up being misunderstood, things getting blown out of proportion, no one being willing to have a civil, logical conversation, etc. Withdrawal has been my safe place since teenage. At 31 now, I haven't found any better or safer strategies. Occasionally I try lashing out as well. Not realy because I am angry. I am all equilibrium inside. I do that simply because I have seen that drama gets their attention. DO NOT CONSIDER THIS ADVISE. I'm in no position to advise anyone else on people skills. Lol. Just sharing my experience.. hoping to convey that you're not alone. On a different note, I'm certain that not feeling compassion is not an asperger's trait. If you don't feel it, I'm sure you can develop it. If you do and can't express it, well, that's you being an aspie. I don't know what to advise you. Maybe a couples counsellor can help. Wish everything gets ok with you. Remember. This too shall pass.
Every time I try to join in a conversation I either say the wrong thing or they block me out totally and then people wonder why I don’t join in.They think I’m sulking
Why is it that whenever you tell people about your diagnosis it totally backfires on you? :-(
I stopped telling people anything.
Yep I know how that feels.
I’ve realised some people are open to it, even if they don’t understand they are willing to learn. Then other are just ignorant and insensitive ie mother in law lol
Because I’ve had so much wrong with me since I was born with two hole in the heart and other problems later on none of my family want to know,every time I’ve seen my mother we’ve always end up arguing she asks the question is everything okay I tell her what’s been going on and she just well not laugh but more of a snigger,that gets me wound up even more,then she goes on to say about have you seen brother or sister and I say no,and I say they don’t come and see me and they only live round the corner,she says oh but they’ve got to work in morning and I say well so do I then she shuts up and walks out of house,so I’ve said I don’t want to know them anymore because she always takes their side.I feel beater off without family.
Whats-His-Face said:I’ve realised some people are open to it, even if they don’t understand they are willing to learn. Then other are just ignorant and insensitive ie mother in law lol
Yes, I've had everything from complete acceptance and genuine interest in wanting to know more, through to thinking I'm just an excuse-maker with a "trendy" fictional diagnosis who's desperate to avoid responsibility or pass the buck. I'd give my right arm for a radar that could tell me which was which; every once in a while I get a bad reaction from someone I would never have expected it from.
I wish I had some advice for you, but I've always kept people so much at arms length that the consequences could never be so upsetting (I had a girlfriend for a few weeks once!) I'm not recommending that's what you do, of course. Where mother-in-law is concerned, you can never be sure whether she always thought you were "not good enough for her baby" and is just looking for a peg to hang it on; in which case she'd have found something in the end anyway. I really hope you can get things sorted out, especially with your wife.
That sucks mate and I know how you feel, certain things have happened to me lately where I feel the fam and I are drifting apart and the hardest thing bout it is I think the way my brain sees *** has contributed to this
Agree with everything you've said. I've met some beautiful NT's as well.. They didn't know why I wanted to be alone, but they didn't mind. They're still friends when I wanted to talk. Beautiful people.
I've been very fortunate that way with the group of friends that I've had, and it's actually led to me getting to know my first autistic friends in real life. When I disclosed my formal diagnosis, two others in our group revealed that they'd been diagnosed in middle age too, and the openness about it since then has led one other to seek a diagnosis. We'd all known each other for well over a decade by the time of my diagnosis, and none of us had the slightest inkling about either ourselves or any of the others for all those years.
I thought at first it was an odd coincidence to have so many autistic people in such a small group of friends. But then I realised that the beautiful NTs had inadvertently brought us together by being people among whom we all felt so accepted (my eyes seem to have started leaking.)