Are people with ASDs more tollerant of other autisic people than NTs are?

Hi excuse a late response since the last post i made alot of real life stuff as i'm sure you all know. Payed Tax and NI the last ten years need a neet of support now and the hastle makes me wonder why i ever bothered working.

Excuse the rant. As far as the question i personally can't say that i'd be more undersanding of someone on the spectum as ive not met anyone, or anyone thats informed of them being on the spectrum.

I too wonder why people get to close while speaking to you then proceed to follow you, though might i please suggest Marjorie195 instead of ending up in the road i normally end up going in circles instead.

And mags66 caps are fine for me to read and look abit different. I remember watching an old Top gear years ago and it was mentioned that the reason road signs were in upper and lower case was because this was most easly identifided by the Humen eye which is important when travelling at speed..

Hi i also think that your "NT social ritual behaviour" will be a good read outraged.

I'll read its soon havnt had chace to be on here for a bit but i must add that i enjoy reading everyones comments and posts and no one should be put off posting or responding as i like reading everything thats posted..

IKR? But "Heroes and Generals" is distracting me grieviously.

Outraged, 

I think the piece you are writing will be really interesting to read.

mags66 said:

Oh and rant all you like....."they" do very strange things 

Dont they just? Im currently writing "NT social ritual behaviour" for http://isnt.autistics.org/

The crowded pavement is where all the caspoints i know are and I always get really anxious when I have to use one.

Invasion of personal space ranges feelings from extreme discomfort to absolute terror at times. It's horrible isn't it?

Re: stick on coldsore - people say I have no sense of humour but "that" was funny!

I don't understand why on earth a complete stranger even want to touch someone else.

That kiss thing - ' don't get it at all. I've watched them and they either kiss each side of the face or they "pretend" to and get millimeters close and then kiss the air!

The people i've seen do this seem absolutely fine. I would be like "what the hell are you doing" That pretend cheek kiss thing is so offensive. I look and think "you pretended to kiss both sides of their face but didn't, why? What was the point?" They are so Fake to each other but they don't find it offensive for some reason. I have actually stretched out my arm before to stop someone getting closer to me when talking and have caused deep offense.

By contrast I have had occasion as a child where I felt some rare connection and felt like I wanted to put my head near their chest so they could touch my head but have learned, since that isn't acceptable either!

Seriously.....Patent that coldsore idea.....It could catch on 

Oh and rant all you like....."they" do very strange things 

I was not offended Maggs, no worries.

Re cashpoints, it is an issue. You need to stand close enough to be seen as in the queue, but not to be so close as to be suspected of shoulder surfing. I stand close ish, but turn away from the cash machine and look into the distance. I leave a gap perhaps big enough to get a largish person in, without touching either party. We have one cashpoint which has a line to stand behind. The trouble is that on crowded pavements, it becomes confused. I often opt for the indoor cashpoint, less problems.

The invasion of personal space, which upsets me, is when someone who is speaking to me, stands within say 6 inches of me. To me it is as though we are magnets, turned to the polarity which pushes one away from the other, rather than attracting. I am pushed backwards, before we actually get to the point of making contact. I cannot control it, it just happens. Someone once said angrily to me, "do I have bad breath or something" as I edged away. It is not a conscious act, more involluntary. I also hate being touched/hugged/kissed by anyone but close family. I find it deeply offensive and yet these are all behaviours of nt people. Why do they say it is an autistic trait to get too close to other people, for me, it is the reverse.

This is something I rant on about from time to time. I am thinking of inventing the "stick on cold sore" , for all those occasions when other people think it is somehow pleasant hug an kiss each other. urghgh

I dont like it when people get too close either infact i hate it but for some strange reason when it comes to the cash point machine i worked out (after many years!) that i did stand too close but only really to stop any confusion whether or not i was queing or not. 

I just wish people could have politely told me instead of looking at me like, well I don't know really but not nice.

though, now I look back I did overcompensate!

the capital letters....oh dear! does "that" get me taken the wrong way? oh yes!

I love words,poems, creative writing, word origins etc and i have always loved them written boldly.Capital letters have a straighter and stronger form.

I really hoped that this would be the one place i would be able to write in my own way, no rules. then i read the community notes after my first post and thought..........oh no!

Oooppps

i find that i forget to use both lower and upper case letters and it makes writing far less pleasurable. so if it's one or the other i choose capitals.

 I have come to the conclusion that,apart from my dad, I am alone with this feeling 

I absolutely do not understand why anybody would think i am shouting, just don't get it. I will write in lower so I dont offend anyone in this community but that is out of respect and not agreeance that I am shouting at all 

mind you i will probably forget and offend at some off gaurd moment.

Thankyou for commenting on this though, you have helped me.

I will try and remember so as not to upset anyone.

Hi mags, I can relate to what you are saying. I love watching people and eves dropping conversations. I think we do it to try and understand people more.

I do not likeit when people come too close. I was talking with someone recently, in town, and found myself gradually edging into the road, being persued by the lady I was talking too. It is not just people on the spectrum who get this wrong. I find nt people come into my personal space.

Re the capital letters, I do not readit as shouting, but it is harder to read. I'm not sure why, unless it is just an unfamiliar form of writing.

Louise82 said:

Why do you suppose people with Aspergers etc are drawn particularly to IT and Maths?

absence of ambiguity

I JUST WROTE MY FIRST POST REPLY AND EVEN MANAGED TO GET THAT WRONG. I ENDED UP REPLYING TO SOMEONE ELSE AND PROBABLY NOT MAKING ALOT OF SENSE. NOW I CAN'T FIND HOW TO GET TO MY REPLY TO POST IT WHERE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN. I WILL FIND IT NOW

EDITED, THIS ALSO ENDED UP IN THE WRONG PLACE. I WAS TRYING TO REPLY TO STEVEN.  

YES I HAVE ALWAYS HAD THIS PROBLEM. PLEASE EXCUSE CAPS LOCK, I AM NOT SHOUTING, I JUST LOVE LETTERS IN CAPITALS.

 I NATURALLY DON'T GET EYE CONTACT AT ALL BECAUSE I AM FAR MORE COMFORTABLE LIKE THAT BUT I HAVE TRIED HARD TO LOOK AT PEOPLE WHEN THEY SPEAK BECAUSE I WORRY THAT THEY MIGHT THINK I AM NOT LISTENING BUT THEN THEY THINK I AM STARING. I WATCH PEOPLE ALL THE TIME TRYING TO SEE HOW THEY BEHAVE AND I PRACTICE IT BUT I JUST CAN'T GET IT RIGHT AT ALL. 

I ALSO STAND TOO CLOSE TO PEOPLE SOMETIMES WHICH I NEVER REALISED I DID UNTIL I WAS DIAGNOSED AND LOOKED INTO THE TRAITS AND BEHAVIOUR DUE TO ASD. I USED TO GET REALLY UPSET OR EXTREMELY ANNOYED WHEN SOMEONE LOOKED AT ME AT THESE TIMES. THE WORST TIMES WERE AT THE BANKS CASHPOINT MACHINES. MY ANGER WAS VERY QUICK BECAUSE I THOUGHT THEY WERE JUDGING ME AND JUST BEING NASTY THEN I WOULD BE DEVASTATED BY THEIR REACTION TO ME. IT WAS ONLY AFTER DIAGNOSIS THAT I TOOK MORE NOTICE OF HOW FAR AWAY FROM SOMEONE YOU "SHOULD" STAND WHEN THEY ARE USING THE CASH MACHINE. IT NEVER CROSSED MY MIND THAT MAYBE THEY WERE PERHAPS INTIMIDATED BECAUSE THEY WERE GETTING MONEY OUT. NO-ONE EVER TOLD ME THAT. I WISH PEOPLE WOULD JUST KINDLY TELL ME WHEN I DO SOMETHING WRONG.

I ALSO TRY TO STUDY BODY LANGUAGE, FACIAL EXPRESSIONS BUT NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY I CAN'T GET IT RIGHT BECAUSE I GET CONFUSED BY OTHER THINGS LIKE A COMMENT THAT'S ACTUALLY COMPLETELY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN SAYING. IT'S SO CONFUSING AND DISTRESSING. A SMILE = FRIENDLY IN MY SIMPLE THOUGHT SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SEE A SMILE, HEAR THEM SAY SOMETHING THAT I THOUGHT WAS NICE TO BE TOLD AFTERWARDS THAT THEY WERE BEING SARCASTIC AND THEY ACTUALLY MEAN'T THE OPPOSITE? WHAT TELLS OTHER PEOPLE WHEN SOMEONE IS BEING NICE OR NOT BECAUSE I CAN'T TRUST WHAT THEY ARE SAYING AT ALL.

You sound just like me. I wish people would just tell me when I get things wrong. Some people I meet, most weeks, I explained to them that I sometimes say the wrong things but don't mean to be unkind, and would they just tell me. I said this would give me the chance to apologise, or explain, but they never do. I know that I still upset people sometimes, by seeing their reaction, but they still don't tell me, so I don't know until I work it out, much later, what I did wrong, and then I don't feel able to raise the issue, in case it is just me assuming they are upset with me but really it is something else.  If I ever ask people if I have done something to upset them, they always say no and I suspect they are lying.

It 's a crazy, difficult world we live in.

it was other peoples reactions that made me realise that i was prehaps looking too long or staring, it took me a long time to realise that it was perhaps not socially acceptible, along with when i seen these people next time they seemed to try to avoid me.

I just curious to see if anyone else had this problem before too?

No offence taken its makes perfect sence.

This was mainly at work context that i done this, when i was trying to understand their responses and see and gather more information based upon facial expressions and i thought mabe i could learn more about what they really thought. I never stood to close to anyone male or female as i was always comfortable when people where in or near my personal space.

One thing thats always anoyed me about people is that they never seem to say what they really think, just give a respone that suits the mood or say something would keep the peace.

I oftern found that i'd have to be one honest and would say what had to be said which would make me disliked at work, but i didnt mind.

steven said:

I use to find that when i looked at people and was tring to work them out they would look away and had strange body language.

After a time it seems clear that the think i'm flirting with them of intend something dishounrable which i don't. 

Does this mean anything to anyone? i use to try and read there eyes, seemed to be more honest than what they said..

It makes women feel threatened if a man they do not know looks at them for too long. Women are taught not to make eye contact with men they do not know, unless meeting at a social venue. Women are at risk from some men, and we do not know who is safe and who is not. It is also intimidating to walk too close behind a woman, especially at night or in quiet places. Men can over power women and it does happen and they need to be cautious.  This also applies to men we do not know well.

The best defence we have is to show dislike to discourage further attention. This should not be taken personally, but if you want to get to know someone better, keep your looking to fleeting glances, and approach via a mutual friend, or in a place which can be seen as safe.

I am sorry that this sounds so critical. You sound like a lovely gentle guy. I don't want you to be upset, just to realise that you may frighten people a little, because they do not know that you are a nice guy.

I am drawn to all things logical. I never really worked at maths, it just came naturally. I also enjoyed sciences and physical geography, the latter became something of a passion. I seek out the physically beautiful and unspoilt parts of the planet. I love puzzles too.

I found school work boring until 6th form. For O levels, instead of, or before revising, I worked out the statistical chances of each question being on the exam paper, from the old papers we looked at for practice purposes. I learned the five most likely topics in detail and ignored the rest. I got 6 out of 7 exactly right. I blew it on history, only being able to answer one question  and failing badly.

Re looking at people, I used to look at people who spoke to me, not their eyes, quite intently, to show interest. I realised that some would shrivel up under my gaze and blush and feel really uncomfortable. I was staring too hard, perhaps. I have to find other places to look so that they feel more at ease. It is difficult not to look at the person I am speaking to. I wonder if these people have asd. I used to feel uncomfortable like they do at one time, but I overcame it as I got older. I never look at the faces of the oposite sex unless I have to speak to them. I believe it is thought to express attraction, and is therefore potentially hazardous.  To look at the same sex without smiling or speaking is either challenging or critical. I love to watch people, but it has to be discrete. I generally look away if they look in my direction.

I use to find that when i looked at people and was tring to work them out they would look away and had strange body language.

After a time it seems clear that the think i'm flirting with them of intend something dishounrable which i don't. 

Does this mean anything to anyone? i use to try and read there eyes, seemed to be more honest than what they said..

Persoally i'm drawn to enginnering, perhaps Maths, ICT there is a Logic or an understanding of mehanism that can explain it?

I will have to do higher Mathes for Enginnering which doesn't worry me though i understand that i need to learn alot of phrases and calculations that are alien to me, please excuse if this is to slimplistic but from what i invisage maths is a process of being able to undersand the problem and being able to understand the wright formular to work it out??

Poor spelling due to predictive text on iPad! Sorry!