Learning to drive with ASD

Hello,

I was exactly the same when I was learning at the age of 18. Just thinking about lessons made me nauseus. Failed twice because of anxiety. 
Now 8 years later, I drive everywhere, on every dirt road, highway or country. I'm still anxious, but uncomparably more confident. It took me years to get rid of that dreadful feeling. But it will go away!

Now, at the time I didn't know I was autistic and I was under a lot of pressure to get the license. I think it would be wiser to get it later, but since you need it now, definitely take more lessons (if you can afford). I regret I didn't. And once you get the license, drive only with people you are comfortable with. You don't need additional stress, believe me.
And don't be hard on yourself no matter what anybody (including instructor) tells you. They can't understand the level of stress you are at. It's ok

Hello,

I was lucky as my Great-grandfather taught me how to drive on a private industrial estate when I was ten. Not sure you could do that now! It allowed me to take my test and pass the first time but I did this before 1997 so did not have to do all the extras like hazard test  plus I can drive a 7.5 truck. I live in a rural area and fully understand your need for transport. Are your local roads quiet? If so, then they are idea for driving along and helping you gain confidence. Driving is something you have to keep improving on. I drive a manual classic and still get confused from time to time on gear changes as I have two gear sticks. Comparing yourself with your sister is unfair. Driving is such a strange task at first but it will get better the more you do as you will develop confidence and expereince. I wish you all success.    

Also, I was utterly wiped out, drained and exhausted after every lesson and they were only one hour long, I think a four hour lesson is a really bad idea!!

Sticking to the same time for every lesson also makes it more part of a routine.

I also spoke out loud in my lessons saying what I was doing, and why, and what I could see etc. I did this in my test too and passed first time with only 2 minor faults (one of which was not stopping in the box when we got back to the test centre, and the other was my tyre touching the kerb slightly when I had to "pull up in a safe place" (which I was aware of and immediately adjusted, also verbalising this as I did so). 

I think that finding the right driving instructor is key. I tried to learn to drive when I was 18 and had to quickly stop due to the anxiety. My instructor then was young, chatty, and kept making casual conversation and taking phone calls from other pupils. It was very distracting to say the least!!! I managed about 4 or 5 lessons, then was finished off by a lesson at 5 pm in the winter rush hour traffic, dark, raining, and all the glare from traffic lights and other cars. Fast forward to age 32 and we were moving to a rural area with no public transport. I tried again, this time with an older female instructor. She appeared stressed out, bad tempered, impatient, confused and confusing. I lasted one of two lessons, vilontly shaking and being snapped at,  and then abandoned the rest of the block I had booked with her! The last instructor I tried saved things. He was much older (I was one of his last pupils before retiring), very calm, relaxed, very serious but had the best, driest sense of humour, and made ZERO social casual chit chat. Everything he said throughout our lessons was relevant to driving and observation... he only talked about the logistics of driving, and paid a lot of attention to hazards and avoiding hazards! His focus on emerging hazards and taking preemptive precautions delighted me!!! We got on really well and his teaching style clicked perfectly with my learning style. I loved that everything he said was relevant to the lessons and what was happening outside of the car. It meant that in the lessons, all I had to concentrate on was driving. I still had terrible anxiety and shakes and stomach issues before each lesson but his calmness rubbed off and I was able to focus once we got going. I also had a cold shower before each lesson which sort of helped?! had two one hour lessons a week as he said I'd forget things if we just had one lesson a week, but that a two hourly lesson is too much as the brain stops taking in information after a certain amount of time. And we had every lesson at 10 am , and I also had my test at 10 am, as that was the quietest time on our roads! (It does mean that I still won't drive in rush hour traffic though!) I've been driving for 10 years now, and I drive a manual car and would hate to drive an automatic, as I love the actual process of changing gears etc and find that grounding and calming, and I feel more in control of the car! I still have horrible anxiety about driving, and really only drive to two places which are in opposite directions along the sane straight road, which is the nearest supermarket and my Grandma's house in one direction, and a quiet place where I can for a walk away from traffic in the opposite direction! I am fairly comfortable driving to these two familiar places, but the thought of driving anywhere else, like across a busy town, or round busy roundabouts, or to an unfamiliar place along unfamiliar roads terrifies me, so I don't do it. On the rare occasion I have had to drive somewhere else, like to the hospital, I rehearse in on google street view and then in my mind over and over again, for days beforehand, so it is all planned out in my head when I do it, but the anxiety is so awful!

Hi lottie286 . I do feel for your anxiety. It is the choice of instructor that is most important. I am not commenting upon the instructor you have been using, but have some suggestions for you.

Before I retired (and before I was diagnosed too), I was a driving instructor. I took the 'Revolutions' training in supporting autistic learners. Can I suggest that you try to find an ADI who has done similar training.

They should conduct a comprehensive pre-driving assessment with you. This should help both of you plan lessons including; at what time(s) of day and when during the week you are best abke to learn; how you best learn the kind of skills required to drive; how any medication affects you; and, how any individual sensitivities affect you.

An instructor should also be able to recognise your signs of potential meltdown and be able to take steps to avoid them occurring.

Is it possible for you to think of someone (or something) you could take with you on your lessons that might help you focus and avoid Meltdowns?

Is there someone.with whom you could practice driving between lessons? An instructor should be happy to support them and involve them in your learning.

You could ask an ADI if they have completed the 'Revolutions', or 'Excel' course with Julia Malkin (https://msagb.com/excel-with-dr-julia-malkin-mbe/). You might even contact Julia and ask if she can help you find an ADI.

I wish you all the very best with passing your driving lottie286 

I have been learning to drive for a few years and currently on my fourth attempt of my practical driving test so you’re definitely not alone in your struggles !! I would definitely recommend switching to automatic I did that and found it a whole load easier. There’s so much sensory stimuli to take in whilst driving so removing the gears and clutch part is great. I also do lessons with my stepdad which helps the anxiety as it’s not with an unfamiliar person. It’s good your driving instructor is understanding.

A practical tip I found useful is commentary driving so saying out loud everything you see and observe. This helps to ground me whilst driving and to keep my focus on the road. Also, watching videos or common test routes in your area is good to help with unpredictability. Also, for me I have to break things into small steps for me to grasp it like parallel parking. So I would make a note I could do over after the lesson of these steps to help it stick. 

Defenitely the more you drive the easier it gets but I really sympathise with your struggle and I also got upset that driving seemed to come so easily to other people. Easier send than done but try and be more compassionate with yourself driving is really tough and it’s great you have made the first step to start learning !! Good luck :) 

Why are you doing 4 hour sessions?

Initially the parking lot was also a great place to just get some confidence and practice the basics without having to worry too much about causing an accident. 

It also helped me to do exercises like practicing to keep an eye on signs etc while driving to get used to keeping track on what’s going on around me as I can get hyperfocused on one thing

I think it also helped me to focus on one or a few selected skills at a time. for example maybe one lesson was all about roundabouts and we’d just repeat those over and over. 

I also think a 4 hour lesson sounds very long- mine were never that long. Only 1-2 hours. I don’t think I could have managed such a large chunk at once

Hi, I’m autistic and I struggled to learn how to drive - I was very anxious and overly cautious. I wouldn’t have learnt without my mum. I don’t know what the regulations are like in the UK but back in Luxembourg they have this ‘conduite accompagnée’ where after taking a minimum of 12 hours with an instructor (or more if deemed necessary) you are allowed to practice and drive with a dedicated person that has to sit in on the last 2 hours of classes. They need to have a second mirror and your car has to have a special sign so people know you are a driver in training. I did this with my mum and it is what ultimately helped me learn as she knows me very well and knew how to give me confidence and push me. I passed my test on the first attempt after that though I still don’t like driving. My instructor was very nice and understanding too but he was being overly cautious in what he said to me and how and not direct enough. I needed clear and firm instructions and it helped to learn from someone I trusted. Not sure if any of this helps but that’s how I learnt

Bunny said:

I switched to an automatic a while ago, and wouldn't go back. There's a lot less to do compared with a manual

There are a number of benefits of a manual gearbox that are worth considering in the automatic versus manual discussion:

1 - manual gearboxes offer better fuel economy by around 15% 
2 - maintenance costs are less and replacements are much less in manual cars (manual offers longer service intervals too)
3 - manual cars are typically cheaper due to their lower complexity
4 - manual gearboxes offer more control of the vehicle, especially in difficult terrain (depending on driver skill)

Also if you pass your test in a manual car then you are licensed to drive an automatic, but not vice-versa so you are restricted as to what vehicles you can drive.

The vast majority of new cars are automatic only but if you are after a more budget friendly vehicle then the older cars are much more commonly manual or have less sophisticated auto gearboxes so it is relevant to consider your choices here.

I prefer a manual gearbox for when in the countryside for when dealing with slippery surfaces, soft ground and the occasional towing requirement.

In cities I prefer an automatic car when there is heavy traffic.

A big part of the decision on what to learn with will come down you your needs for the car price wise and the environment you will drive it in I guess.

I'm actually just about to do a driving lesson today and have my (third attempt at) the road test in a little under a week. I would agree with the automatic transmission and shorter lesson suggestions forsure, even a half an hour driving feels like a lot for me, can't imagine 4 hours. 

I've gotten pretty good at it now but still have some bad days. I started practicing in industrial parking lots during weekends, specific I know but there was never anyone there so it was easy to learn the physical aspect, and then residential neighborhoods, only later commercial/busy areas and highways. Also practicing in the same areas repeatedly helps, and would recommend flash cards for more uncommon signs, parking uphill/downhill etc. Physical ones work well or you could try a digital program like Anki which does spaced repetition algorithms. Anki was the only way I passed the quiz/learners test lol. 

The big thing really is staying calm I think. Sometimes it's very difficult though.

I would start with shorter lessons so there is less of a build up of anxiety and ask the instructor to try to use quiet areas to help build familiarities with controlling the car and observing the environment (road signs, dangers etc), then once you have the motor skills working without thinking about it, move on to add more layers of stress and complexity.

By learning to control the car without thinking about it you have more scope for thinking about coping with the unexpected and can respond faster in my experience - that was how I learned to drive motorbikes and cars and I have not had a serious accident in 40 years.

Another option is to look for places that have a driving simulator - the sort you sit in with multiple screens around you and you can practice in complete safety until you build the confidence to repeat this in a real car.

I would also consider finding ways to manage your anxiety too - perhaps speak to your GP for options and consider other techniques such as meditation before you start to get you into a better mental state to drive.

I have seen many people learn to drive and pass their tests who struggle as you do. For them learning to relax and build confidence in their skills was the most important factor, helped by having an instructor who did not scare the student (ie they accepted errors would happen, learned from them with the student and offered confidence that they would learn eventually).

It may take time and finding the right instructor but I believe you will get there.

Good luck

I learnt to drive in a quiet town and encountered few roundabouts. I had 3 different instructors.  My last one noticed that I was slow to make decisions. I also have a poor sense of spatial awareness. When I did pass I found it useful to be able to drive and enjoyed going for drives in the country. 

When I moved I found the traffic more difficult,  so only drove particular routes and eventually I stopped driving because I couldn't think quick enough with the driving around here and there are lots of motorways/dual carriageways.

Hi Lottie, due to my attention being too monotropic I don't even try. There are too many things I have to concentrate  on, it's too fast for me and I already had emergencies in situations where I was overwhelmed. It looked like an epileptic attack. It's not epilepsy, probably it's related to autism,  but the diagnostic process is not over, I'm awaiting my assessment so it's not tge final answer yet. It has nothing to do with my ability to learn road signs or turning wheel. It's general sensory and cognitive input that is too much for me. 

Hi Lottie, I think the suggestion of switching to an automatic is a good one. 

I passed my test in 2020 in an Automatic, and honestly, the difference between driving an automatic and a manual is massive, especially in stop start traffic, it's so easy. It takes away a lot of the more stressful parts of driving, never having to worry about stalling, or if you are in the right gear coming up to a corner, feeding a clutch pedal in, finding the bite point, all that stuff, no longer even a consideration! 

Yep I had all that and even when I'd passed my test on the third attempt I had to stop driving for a few years because of constant nightmares, I did have some CBT which has enabled me to drive again, but not on motorways as I find them overwhelming and I'm not happy on dual carriage ways either, although I can just about manage the A55 here, as long as I don't go east of Bangor.

I had to have cigarettes, chocolate and Rescue Remedy to get me through an hours lesson, it took me about 2 years to learn, a lot of people think driving comes naturally, it dosent', its not a skill anyone's born with, getting your hands, feet and brain to do different things is difficult and takes a while to learn. I ended up with 4 different instructors before I found the right one, he was the only one who asked me questions about what I found difficult and why, never having been a road user before and having non driving parents, it was a totally unfamiliar thing for me, I had to be taught road sense, something people who cycle already knew, we'd sit in the parked car with the instructor stood outside holding up fingers for me to change gear without having to look at what I was doing, that took a while to learn and I had a few meltdowns whilst doing so. I just felt so stupid and useless, but I did learn, I think its similar to learning to read, for ages you're just saying the individual letters that make up a word out loud but they don't really make any sense until suddenly they do and you can read a whole word without having to spell out each letter. 

I find country roads much easier, many of the roads here are single track and very windy, many people panic on them, I don't because theres almost no other traffic to deal with. I think that was one of the hardest things to learn, dealing with other traffic, opperating the actual car wasn't as difficult as I thought, but having to cope with other cars doing unpredictable things and getting in my ways was really hard.

Oddly I found it easier to drive at night than during the day, it wasn't so much that there was less traffic, but that I'm a night person and more relaxed at night. The other thing I found was going out in bad weather was good for my confidence, I thought I'd far rather encounter snow or something for the first time when I had someone who could control the car and it didn't matter so much if I got it wrong.

One thing I would say is just because your instructor knows about autism dosent' make them the right person to teach you, many instructors seem to have a one size fits all approach and as we know we need people who can adapt to how we learn not the other way around. 

Hello from America, lottie286!

Oh yes, I totally understand! I have Autism and generalized anxiety, as well. Bunny and your family are right: Automatic transmission is definitely the way to go. I can’t possibly imagine trying to learn manual first with my disabilities. That would have been horrible, so I can only imagine how rough it is for you.

I’ve been driving for… about 25ish years? And I still get a little anxious behind the wheel. HOWEVER! There is hope! For me, driving on roads that I know is actually more of a relaxing experience. It is only on roads I am unfamiliar with that I feel heavy anxiety. So as you get more comfortable on roads near your home, it should get a little easier. It just takes practice and becoming confident with the roads you know well.

Don’t sweat your sister catching on to driving faster; It’s not a race. Everyone develops at different paces. You might actually end up being a safer driver if it takes longer for you to get comfortable behind the wheel. And definitely try to see if you can possibly get into an automatic. I believe that’s something that could be holding you back from doing your best.