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Learning to drive with ASD

lottie286

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some advice or reassurance from anyone who has navigated learning to drive with ASD and high anxiety.

At the start of June, I started an intensive manual driving course. I managed two 4-hour days before my instructor became ill and we had to pause. Honestly, I have really struggled. Most of the time, I was in a total panic, not necessarily because I thought I’d crash, but because I felt overwhelmed by the fear that I will never be able to grasp it. The thought of struggling stops me from even trying.

My anxiety gets so high that during the post-lesson reflection, I literally cannot remember anything. My mind just blanks it all out.

My instructor is actually really good and understands my ASD, but he pointed out that because I blank out and can’t remember the lesson, it’s hard to progress past focusing on one thing at a time. He has now switched me to bi-weekly lessons, and I just feel a deep sense of dread every time I think about them.

I need to learn because I’m moving to a semi-rural area soon where the public transport isn't great. Usually, I feel like my autism doesn’t stop me from doing much, but this experience has completely taken over. It makes me feel like a little girl again. Basic things I’m normally okay with, like processing left vs. right and multitasking, just completely fly out the window.

My family suggested switching to an automatic so there are physically fewer things to focus on, but I'm still terrified I won't be able to do it. My little sister also has her test coming up and is doing amazingly, which makes me feel like a massive failure by comparison.

I feel incredibly alone. I know driving anxiety is common, but this feels like it's on a completely different level.

Standard advice isn't really working for me, so I’d love to hear from other autistic brains who have been through this. Thank you so much!

Parents

  • I would start with shorter lessons so there is less of a build up of anxiety and ask the instructor to try to use quiet areas to help build familiarities with controlling the car and observing the environment (road signs, dangers etc), then once you have the motor skills working without thinking about it, move on to add more layers of stress and complexity.

    By learning to control the car without thinking about it you have more scope for thinking about coping with the unexpected and can respond faster in my experience - that was how I learned to drive motorbikes and cars and I have not had a serious accident in 40 years.

    Another option is to look for places that have a driving simulator - the sort you sit in with multiple screens around you and you can practice in complete safety until you build the confidence to repeat this in a real car.

    I would also consider finding ways to manage your anxiety too - perhaps speak to your GP for options and consider other techniques such as meditation before you start to get you into a better mental state to drive.

    I have seen many people learn to drive and pass their tests who struggle as you do. For them learning to relax and build confidence in their skills was the most important factor, helped by having an instructor who did not scare the student (ie they accepted errors would happen, learned from them with the student and offered confidence that they would learn eventually).

    It may take time and finding the right instructor but I believe you will get there.

    Good luck

Reply

  • I would start with shorter lessons so there is less of a build up of anxiety and ask the instructor to try to use quiet areas to help build familiarities with controlling the car and observing the environment (road signs, dangers etc), then once you have the motor skills working without thinking about it, move on to add more layers of stress and complexity.

    By learning to control the car without thinking about it you have more scope for thinking about coping with the unexpected and can respond faster in my experience - that was how I learned to drive motorbikes and cars and I have not had a serious accident in 40 years.

    Another option is to look for places that have a driving simulator - the sort you sit in with multiple screens around you and you can practice in complete safety until you build the confidence to repeat this in a real car.

    I would also consider finding ways to manage your anxiety too - perhaps speak to your GP for options and consider other techniques such as meditation before you start to get you into a better mental state to drive.

    I have seen many people learn to drive and pass their tests who struggle as you do. For them learning to relax and build confidence in their skills was the most important factor, helped by having an instructor who did not scare the student (ie they accepted errors would happen, learned from them with the student and offered confidence that they would learn eventually).

    It may take time and finding the right instructor but I believe you will get there.

    Good luck

Children
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