Risk aversion

That’s true, to be honest the counselling has been more conversation than homework set each week.

Also, I do find it difficult to take care of my own self development sometimes, unless I can see I can make some big steps in a short time.

is there anything you do or can do to overcome that hurdle?

I’ll check him out. Thank you for this. Sometimes I do wish I had a job not related to the arts, so that I could then have the arts as a secret side thing that I could develop on the side. But I think thats something I think I want than what I actually would want.

i think it’s because the creative side of making my own music is part of my job, I feel the necessity to share this when people ask me what I’m doing. And recently I’m struggling with the social flexibility to talk about anything else outside of that. and then the thought of needing to network all the time about creativity and what’s current in the creative world with others. 

so I think most of the time my thought process is that “I need to be creating something to stay relevant and share with others that I’m doing stuff to stay relevant” rather than just creating. 

sorry, I don’t know if this was off topic to what you were saying! 

Damojo said:

I'm wondering about all of these social challenges that are supposed to make me more sociable. Is that actually something I want for me, or just something that I'm expected to want?

NTs will most likely want you to behave like them as they are the dominant neurotype in the world, so if you want to mix with them then being able to cope is a pretty essential skill.

If you are happy with your own company then it isn't an issue.

You need to decide what you want ultimately, but there will be a degree of needing to mix for most people for shopping, doctors appointments, family, partner etc.

I guess the key to life is finding the right balance for you.

I'm wondering about all of these social challenges that are supposed to make me more sociable. Is that actually something I want for me, or just something that I'm expected to want? Is this just another form of masking? I think I can live quite happily without most of it, really. I consider going out three or four times purely to socialise to be a busy year.

I’ve been doing both really, throwing myself in uncomfortable situations so that I can connect with people. Difficulty is maintaining that connection indefinitely and building up a list of things to prepare for the next encounter. Or most of the time switching off the uncomfortable switch to put myself in situations that will challenge me socially, only to leave those situations ruminating on whether I met the right social requirements.

however I’ll struggle with facing uncomfortable necessities such as good planning, perfectionism and making decisions without trying to please the other person, and I do need to work on that.

aurelis said:

put myself in situations that don’t suit me

Sometimes we have to put ourselves in uncomfortable situations and sometimes we don't. There's probably a fine line between putting in an effort and masking. We all have to figure out where that line is. My guess is that it moves around a bit, depending on my energy/stress levels. Identifying as Autistic does help us to know that the line exists, though. Then we can put our own needs a bit more to the fore and make better decisions.

Sorry if this is a bit of a tangent off subject, but:

So in regards to people pleasing in the field of creativity, one person that has been a huge inspiration for me lately is Henry Darger. He was a Chicago janitor who over decades created a wild fantasy series of art/stories that was kept secret until he had to eventually move out of his apartment. I’m not particularly a fan of his art, but his process was fascinating. He didn’t care if anyone ever saw his work, but his work was still deeply meaningful to himself. He didn’t intend on becoming as famous as he is today.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that you should take a risk and make what you want to make, not take a risk on making what you think other people want. Ultimately, people might like what you want in the end, anyways.

Yes, the man that made no mistake made nothing.

My whole life was dealing with Family Members who 'Don't want anything bad happening' because they 'think the World' of me . :rollseyes

The Troubles, plus the Claim Culture in this country, sends everyone doolally. People are, like, "Hold on to your Money!" while they live in big grand houses. We definitely live in a Woman's World. Kids, and young Men, have to be kpet under lock-and-key. We're too scared to live, and too afraid to die.

Looking n from the outside, the creative industries do seem more socially orientated, extensive networking etc, it seems counterintuitive, how can you be creative when under so much pressure? I would of thought you needed some headspace and relaxation to be creative?

aurelis said:

I'm not sure how to relax because I am thinking that I am not seizing some sort of chance to develop my career.

Setting a timetable can help with this. Work out what time you can set aside and plan what tasks you need to do and start using the time to network, learn, practice and whatever else you can use to make the progress you want.

It helps to really work through all the things you need to do and break these down to smaller and smaller tasks you you can just list the ones that need to be done today, or the most urgent ones and get stuck into it without worrying about the big picture stuff.

Then once a week look at all the tasks you have crossed off your list and realise you are really working through it so it gives you a sense of achievment.

Progress in terms of big picture results can be lumpy however but trust the process.

aurelis said:

I have two sessions left of this so I don't know what I will do after this

I would ask them how you can continue the self development path after the sessions end - use the time to build a homework plan and roadmap for your hoped for development.

You could always try to book a future appointment privately to review progress in a few months and see if it can keep you on track.

Taking more ownership of your development can be empowering too and help the whole self confidence thing.

It's difficult because the industry I'm in (creative) life is always about that, so I'm not sure how to relax because I am thinking that I am not seizing some sort of chance to develop my career. So everything is like an opportunity for my career. It means I feel extremely guilty often because I am thinking that I need to work hard and live in order to take another opportunity so I can live a fulfilling life, and it feels really exhausting.

I think this is it. I feel more comfortable people pleasing, and it helps me to get through situations better, even though with it comes a lot of feeling that im losing the essence of who I am. I actually don't know what I truly want to do, because the thing I do want to do involves socialising with others, and Im finding that really difficult currently

im seeing one currently yes. Although I have two sessions left of this so I don't know what I will do after this

'Life is about taking risks and seizing opportunities', so say the adreniline junkies and other idiots, I don't want to take risks, I have cPTSD there's no such thing as good adreniline, I sometimes slide into something, its more like an idea comes into my head and some how it happens. Maybe the opportunities that come my way are some kind of test, for me to say no too, saying no to things is important. Why would I want to jump out of an aeroplane to show that I'm not adverse to taking risks or something other such daft activity?

I've pretty much given up on sugar coating my thoughts from other people, they're pretty much guaranteed not to like them, so why tie myself in knots when the fumits will hit the windmill anyway? People come up with such stupid ways of putting others down too, like the reason I want the patio refurbished isn't because its collapsing and potentially dangerous, but because I watch to many tv property programs! WTF.

aurelis said:

it’s hard to convey to people what I want to say,

This comes with self confidence and self knowledge.

It takes time but more importantly takes effort, ideally with a help of someone skilled in coaxing you along the path.

Do you see a therapist or counseller? They would be the best bet to help you grow these skills I think.

The level of uncertainty can be off putting when making even the smallest of decisions. It can be anxiety provoking to be unsure of how someone may react to something you do or say so you may act in manner that you feel is the safest in terms of avoiding any negative consequences. Also routine is a key influence on not wanting to rock the boat and change your life too much. Perhaps you are just in auto pilot and acting impulsively instead of doing what you truly want because you believe that people pleasing makes you a more genuine person?