Risk aversion

Life is about taking risks and seizing opportunities. I find myself feel as if I’m avoiding taking risks all the time, but still impulsive enough to put myself in situations that don’t suit me. It’s a weird contradiction.

There’s my thoughts and opinions, which I feel as if have lost their sharpness, and it feels more of a situation of code switching to the environment. I hide opinions I feel will be a burden to others and try to comfort everyone’s needs, and the perception that I haven’t suited everyone’s needs in the past keep me in a state of self-hate. 

Good thing is that I’m slowly starting to face these things. It’s so difficult, and it’s hard to convey to people what I want to say, rather than the polished version of events. I guess we keep on moving.

Parents
  • Sorry if this is a bit of a tangent off subject, but:

    So in regards to people pleasing in the field of creativity, one person that has been a huge inspiration for me lately is Henry Darger. He was a Chicago janitor who over decades created a wild fantasy series of art/stories that was kept secret until he had to eventually move out of his apartment. I’m not particularly a fan of his art, but his process was fascinating. He didn’t care if anyone ever saw his work, but his work was still deeply meaningful to himself. He didn’t intend on becoming as famous as he is today.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that you should take a risk and make what you want to make, not take a risk on making what you think other people want. Ultimately, people might like what you want in the end, anyways.

Reply
  • Sorry if this is a bit of a tangent off subject, but:

    So in regards to people pleasing in the field of creativity, one person that has been a huge inspiration for me lately is Henry Darger. He was a Chicago janitor who over decades created a wild fantasy series of art/stories that was kept secret until he had to eventually move out of his apartment. I’m not particularly a fan of his art, but his process was fascinating. He didn’t care if anyone ever saw his work, but his work was still deeply meaningful to himself. He didn’t intend on becoming as famous as he is today.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that you should take a risk and make what you want to make, not take a risk on making what you think other people want. Ultimately, people might like what you want in the end, anyways.

Children
  • I’ll check him out. Thank you for this. Sometimes I do wish I had a job not related to the arts, so that I could then have the arts as a secret side thing that I could develop on the side. But I think thats something I think I want than what I actually would want.

    i think it’s because the creative side of making my own music is part of my job, I feel the necessity to share this when people ask me what I’m doing. And recently I’m struggling with the social flexibility to talk about anything else outside of that. and then the thought of needing to network all the time about creativity and what’s current in the creative world with others. 

    so I think most of the time my thought process is that “I need to be creating something to stay relevant and share with others that I’m doing stuff to stay relevant” rather than just creating. 

    sorry, I don’t know if this was off topic to what you were saying!