Risk aversion

Life is about taking risks and seizing opportunities. I find myself feel as if I’m avoiding taking risks all the time, but still impulsive enough to put myself in situations that don’t suit me. It’s a weird contradiction.

There’s my thoughts and opinions, which I feel as if have lost their sharpness, and it feels more of a situation of code switching to the environment. I hide opinions I feel will be a burden to others and try to comfort everyone’s needs, and the perception that I haven’t suited everyone’s needs in the past keep me in a state of self-hate. 

Good thing is that I’m slowly starting to face these things. It’s so difficult, and it’s hard to convey to people what I want to say, rather than the polished version of events. I guess we keep on moving.

Parents
  • 'Life is about taking risks and seizing opportunities', so say the adreniline junkies and other idiots, I don't want to take risks, I have cPTSD there's no such thing as good adreniline, I sometimes slide into something, its more like an idea comes into my head and some how it happens. Maybe the opportunities that come my way are some kind of test, for me to say no too, saying no to things is important. Why would I want to jump out of an aeroplane to show that I'm not adverse to taking risks or something other such daft activity?

    I've pretty much given up on sugar coating my thoughts from other people, they're pretty much guaranteed not to like them, so why tie myself in knots when the fumits will hit the windmill anyway? People come up with such stupid ways of putting others down too, like the reason I want the patio refurbished isn't because its collapsing and potentially dangerous, but because I watch to many tv property programs! WTF.

Reply
  • 'Life is about taking risks and seizing opportunities', so say the adreniline junkies and other idiots, I don't want to take risks, I have cPTSD there's no such thing as good adreniline, I sometimes slide into something, its more like an idea comes into my head and some how it happens. Maybe the opportunities that come my way are some kind of test, for me to say no too, saying no to things is important. Why would I want to jump out of an aeroplane to show that I'm not adverse to taking risks or something other such daft activity?

    I've pretty much given up on sugar coating my thoughts from other people, they're pretty much guaranteed not to like them, so why tie myself in knots when the fumits will hit the windmill anyway? People come up with such stupid ways of putting others down too, like the reason I want the patio refurbished isn't because its collapsing and potentially dangerous, but because I watch to many tv property programs! WTF.

Children
  • It's difficult because the industry I'm in (creative) life is always about that, so I'm not sure how to relax because I am thinking that I am not seizing some sort of chance to develop my career. So everything is like an opportunity for my career. It means I feel extremely guilty often because I am thinking that I need to work hard and live in order to take another opportunity so I can live a fulfilling life, and it feels really exhausting.