Finding work more and more intolerable

Really struggling today, work is just mentally and emotionally exhausting. I am not sure what’s changed, if it’s me or the environment but I suspect a bit of both but it’s gotten dramatically worse over the past year or so. The mood is low, the expectations high and trust non existent. I do not know my place there or what my core duties or responsibilities are any longer. I feel responsible without the knowledge of what I’m exactly responsible for. Not sure if I should be picking up on vibes they want me gone or that I’m just being over sensitive. I struggle to accept that I am a valued member of their team. My anxiety has been particularly bad but it’s a lot worse when I’m there. I do not think talking to anyone there would create any positive outcome any longer. I find myself almost zoning out of focus and losing my concentration, it’s like a forced response but I’m not at the wheel. All I know is it takes me a good sleep if I can and a day away from the place to feel normal till the dread of the next shift arrives. Not sure I will stick this job out for too much longer, it just makes me miserable and obsessed over every possible thing that might go wrong. 

  • I’ve been off work already this year due to stress. I felt let down, forgotton and dismissed which made me feel so low. It wasn’t all work but work didn’t help at all by ignoring the issues I was having there. This is how the whole autism diagnosis got started for me, I realised I wasn’t coping with all the changes around me, I ended up exhausted, heavy breathing, not sleeping or eating, just couldn’t relax in my own skin. Part of the anxiety was caused by me opening up and being brutally honest to my boss! I knew that wasn’t like me to spill it all out without masking or blunting the effect. 

  • I don’t enjoy work at all but don’t want to let others down. It’s sucking the life out of me, I don’t enjoy being around others either which makes everything take up so much more will power but it has a huge knock on effect outside of work. When work gets inside your head even at home or after a shift it’s hell on earth. Perhaps a lot of issues stem from thinking differently when on the spectrum but either way it’s a real crappy situation. 

  • Sounds like you're suffering from acute stress. I and others I know have been in similar situations before. You need to talk to your GP ASAP. Take time off and take care of yourself. When you feel less stressed, you'll be able to make better decisions about whether or not this is the job for you.

  • Im in more or less the same employment boat as you. My issues have become all consuming and has lasted over 2 years. I am totally exhausted. I would have liked to take on an employment tribunal myself but decided better for my health and sanity to instruct a lawyer to do it.

    I used to  live by a similar mantra until it was consumed by employment issues.

    Best of luck.

  • I honestly could have written this myself. 

    I am so burnt out and fed up with my work. I've been there three years which is the longest I have ever lasted at a job but I am miserable, I hate it. I'm exhausted. I made the mistake of requesting reasonable adjustments which my managers refused, I got advice from my union to refuse their 'adjustments' but I honestly just don't possess the energy. 

    Sorry to be a misery but what I'm trying to say is that you're not alone. I tell myself I don't live to work, I work to live, I try and make the most of my time outside of work and do things I enjoy and I've started looking for new jobs and applying!

    I hope things improve for you soon!

  • Being in a similar situation to you I can relate. When this happens life can suck. The best advice is to do what is right for you and your health. Easier said and done when the price of everything changes upwardly almost weekly.

    If you are at the end of your tether keep notes and records of any troubling incidents or communications no matter how trivial they seem. Evidence incase you end up in an employment dispute.

    Hope everything works out for you.

  • Maybe you are just bored.

    good call :-)  lack of stimulation?  Maybe investigating what the core duties and responsibilities are and "really getting stuck in " to them?

  • Another simple one is to wash your hands in cold water, or splash it on your face.which is a bit less easy.

    If you are stuck at a desk just standing up and walking around will help. You should get up every 45 mins for a few mins anyway.

    Maybe you are just bored.

  • There are (as far as I understand it - mine is experience based rather than professional advice) internalised processes where one deliberately focuses attention on how one's body feels or how one is breathing for example - (I was once a martial arts teacher and so did a lot of these) or some that use focus on external processes like what one can see or hear.  I have recently used the "five things technique" where one identifies five things one can see, four things one can hear, three things one can feel, two things that can be smelled (sometimes need to draw these from memory!), and one thing one can taste.  For me this provide a sort of "sensory reset" to get me back into the moment - if that makes sense?  

  • The economy is not doing great at the moment, so it is possible the mood is down because of that. Not much you can do about it. Be cautious about walking away as it may not be easy to get another job at the moment. Depends on what job you do though, and luck of course.

    If you are not sure of your duties/responsibilities are, talk to your manager to clarify. It may be a bit scary, but it will help. If they confirm you are doing fine it will also help. Confusion causes anxiety.

    I don't know your circumstances, but maybe your are doing too well and doing better than other team members, they might not like you making them look bad. This is where talking to your manager will help.

    If you feel under pressure make sure it is real and not pressure you are putting on yourself. Knowing your responsibilities will help.

    Stress is feeling responsible for things you are not in control of. So make sure you are only responsible for things you can control.

    Get the stress down and you will be able to sleep better and have a clearer view.

    Make sure you use your leave and maybe take day off, it maybe a few half days. 

    Good luck.

  • I haven’t tried any ground techniques, how do you do this? Alienation is a good word, I’ll have to use that more often. 

  • words say a lot: "their team" as opposed to "my team".  Me too about lots of what you write.  Alienation in the workplace is perhaps an issue that correlates with difficulties people with autism experience from a lack of acceptance and fitting in with neurotypical structures. - if that is the case :-)  Whatever you do take care for yourself.  Zoning out for me is helped by "grounding techniques" to get back into the present moment.  Have you tried such things  ?

  • Really appreciate your reply, it’s nice to know I’m not feeling something abnormal or over reacting. I almost need that confirmation because I am never too sure myself about how I feel or big decisions. You are right though I have to do what’s best for me, short term pain long term gain so they say. There is almost too much pressure for me personally in the job and that’s something that’s only been building and building recently, too much pressure for one may not be for another but knowing my limit or what’s acceptable for me is another struggle. I had been signed off earlier this year, I was really well done, cooked and burnt. It’s weird because I don’t really remember how that burnout felt, all I know is it wasn’t fun.

  • I'm sorry that your feeling this way. I have been through something similar and it really sucks :( For me, I ended up being signed off for a while and then changing jobs all together to something a lot more relaxed and with a lot less pressure. I am fortunate to still live at home and to have been able to do this as I know not everyone is able to. I would say it sounds like you might be in burnout and if it is possible for you a good break and reset may be needed. I have found then once you start to feel a bit better your head is a bit clearer on what is best for you moving forwards. I would also say if a break is not an option for you maybe do consider speaking to your employers as I believe they are legally obligated to make reasonable adjustments or maybe look into access to work, I have not used them myself but have heard good things (Access to Work: get support if you have a disability or health condition: What Access to Work is - GOV.UK). Most importantly make sure to prioritise yourself and your health over a job. Sending lots of love your way <3