Really struggling today, work is just mentally and emotionally exhausting. I am not sure what’s changed, if it’s me or the environment but I suspect a bit of both but it’s gotten dramatically worse over the past year or so. The mood is low, the expectations high and trust non existent. I do not know my place there or what my core duties or responsibilities are any longer. I feel responsible without the knowledge of what I’m exactly responsible for. Not sure if I should be picking up on vibes they want me gone or that I’m just being over sensitive. I struggle to accept that I am a valued member of their team. My anxiety has been particularly bad but it’s a lot worse when I’m there. I do not think talking to anyone there would create any positive outcome any longer. I find myself almost zoning out of focus and losing my concentration, it’s like a forced response but I’m not at the wheel. All I know is it takes me a good sleep if I can and a day away from the place to feel normal till the dread of the next shift arrives. Not sure I will stick this job out for too much longer, it just makes me miserable and obsessed over every possible thing that might go wrong.
