Not autistic diagnosis part 2

I watched and red about empathy (cognitive empathy) and compassion. Autistic people have difficulties with cognitive empathy - recognizing someone’s states and emotions intuitively and the ability to react to this at the moment. For example the ability to comfort someone when they are stressed etc. this is what autistic people have issues with, not necessarily with the ability to be compassionate. I heard that many people, also professionals and researchers confuse those two terms or lump them together. I’m not diagnosed, but from my experience I can say- if someone expects me to comfort them, I feel sick. I don’t know what to do or say or I even don’t get it that I should have comfort them, only later I hear why I didn’t do it. But if I see a homeless person asking me to buy them some food, I will do it even if it’s my last money. Autistic people can have long lasting friendships and relationships. I can’t say how right or wrong the report is, maybe the assessors decided that you are not struggling enough from having your autistic traits. I red an official on the page of my insurance company, that autistic people can be very successful in career life, they can be lecturers, scientists etc, have high post and earn good money and it still does not disqualify them from having “high functioning” autism. 
My therapist told me I show quite strong autistic traits. He said he knows many autistic people and some of them do have friends family etc. but there are also professionals who say, that if you are married, it means you can’t be autistic. This is a broad topic. 

I'm thinking about it, have done anything yet.  I need some ti to process everything. Now that my report is going to be review to correct some mistakes that are on it I want to wait until it's  done, just in case something  changes.

They didn't  ask for any proof but I think that if the result of my assessment  had been "autistic " they would have, but I know that by the law they cannot make me to give it to them, it's  my choice. I'm sorry that you were through  that, the bulling culture in NHS is absolutely  disgusting, and I don't  get it, we suppose  to be people that care for others, I know nurses that have leave just because  the bullying  was deteriorating their mental health (and I don't  blame them). Can I ask if you find a better suited  job? (Maybe I will apply  )

I was going to send a private message but can't work out how to do it. I wanted to say I did this job too! Honestly, it was the worst experience for all the reasons you said: shift work, late notice rota changes, moving theatres, working with different people, noises, lights, chaos, I ended up hiding in cupboards when it got too much. I couldn't cope with it and the politics and bullying were insane. The job traumatised me, which was shame because I think I would've been a good scrub nurse (I was a TSA) but the social politics finished me off. For them to say doors are open because you're *not* autistic and for them to be removing accommodations does not surprise me one bit based on my experience. I feel like you may have been too honest (autistic trait right there) about going through assessment and results, did they ask for proof? I wasn't diagnosed when I worked for the NHS so I'm just curious. Good luck anyway, whatever the future may hold.

Did your report mention at least mild sensory processing issues? If it did may be you should follow up the sensory processing as that is what you seem to want for your work. SDP is not an official diagnosis but might be all that you need to reassure you with your work situation

notthatmuchautistic said:

" It's great that you're  not autistic and that open doors for you here!"

I've just read this bit more closely and simply don't understand why someone would say that to you. "Opening doors" for your career because you are not neurodiverse is not inclusive at all! Unfortunately a lot of people will say things you don't like. And working in a health setting, you would have thought they would understand these kinds of issues better.

What I was trying to say in my last comment (but think I failed at) is that, even if you can't control your outside factors anymore, you can control how you see yourself. A diagnosis is a formal report of someone's opinion of you, yet you know your personality, quirks and things that make you happy better than a professional who met you for a few hours. Dawn said to take some time to process this, she's right.

Hmmm.... For my diagnosis I had to be revealed in assessment to be disabled by my presentation and being at my lowest capability ebb it was pretty clear.  The definition of autism is anchored in dysfunction - that's why it may be termed a disability.    I think that what you describe is a "Catch-22" problem - a phrase from Joseph Heller's novel.  Or also "doublethink" as George Orwell put it.  Either way being trapped between contradictory rules.  Not sure that writing this helps - seems the people who assessed you may have problems with both empathy and rationality.  There are plenty here who are giving better advice than I can.  Suffice to say I feel for you and I wish you all the best.

Have you approached your occupational health department? Your union? Is it the NHS you work?

I think you need some good advice. 

Got to agree with Cloud44 on that statement it is direct discrimination!

Looks like I missed part one of this, but I can tell you that whether you are Autistic or not, your assessors don't know much about Autism and are clinging to some very out dated stereotypes of what Autism is.

I have a university education, lived abroad in my youth living and working in a language not my own. I have good quality long term friendships and plenty of empathy.

The empathy one really bugs me and is the sure fire indicator that these assessors have not updated their professional knowledge in a long time.

These guys need to go read Milton on the double empathy problem!

Take some time to process before you decide what to do next. If you had reasonable adjustments at work, then it means you needed them. I'm so sad that your colleagues think that not being Autistic is a reason to be congratulated.  "Congratulations" was the word I most appreciated hearing when I got my diagnosis.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I work in theatres at hospital .My accommodations are, keeping me in the same theatre, instead of moving around, and doing the same shifts, so I can have consistency, and keeping me out of the more loud spaces,so I don't  get migranes due to the noise, and can do my job properly. What is going to happen is that I will be start in the rota moving through the  department and different specialties, not knowing when In am to work until 3 weeks before and don't knowing  where i have to work until the same day of work, this gives me anxiety due uncertainty, doing different  types of shifts and even in the theatres that are more loud (they all have different grade of noise depending  the tools that are used and the kind of surgery, for example gynecology  is quite silence but orthopedic is really loud, I can tolerate most of them well but some are particularly challenging and at the end of my shift I am so bad that I cannot drive to home, and have to ask my husband to get me).

The behaviours you describe sound almost exactly like me (except for learning to speak a second language). I have 2 friends, yet can't seem to make any new ones, I find every social interaction feels like work/effort but I can still accomplish them, and I am extremely conscientious - to an extreme really - so am always thinking about others. Am I autistic or not? I chose not to be assessed and instead felt like I could be. At the very least I feel like I align more closely to this, and it has provided me with more answers that explain my identity than anything else in my life (and I've been in therapy 3 times already). I came to my own conclusion that this felt like enough for me to carry on, I am lucky that I don't need many accommodations to get by and I can adjust things myself.

It must be frustrating for you though, I'm sorry. Putting aside the practical implications of your work accommodations (which I don't know what they are, again sorry), what do you think you are? Ultimately, it's your life and you understand it better than anyone else. The people in this community I've talked to make me feel welcome and belong regardless of what official paper I have or don't have, all because we seem to share similarities.

I’m sorry you had such a frustrating experience. It is probably very hard to deal with the thought of self-identifying after somebody told you, you’re not autistic for such weird and diffuse reasons, but maybe you could try thinking of it as “displaying autistic traits”. I for my part don’t know if I’m autistic but I definitely know that I display a broad variety of autistic traits and recognising that has helped me to accept certain things and to cope with my day to day life a bit better. I think that it is very unfair to remove accommodations at work. You got them without having a formal diagnosis so why remove them now? It doesn’t really matter if you are autistic or not. If someone struggles with sound, why not let them use noise-cancelling headphones. If someone regulates through self-stimulating behaviour why not let them use fidget toys. If someone needs their information in a different format to really understand, why not help them with their processing. Of course, I don’t know what accommodations we’re talking about, but still… 

I hope you’ll some day be able to cope with those traits. Be it through seeking a second opinion, self-identifying or whatever works for you.

Thank you.  I was hoping that my case was just a isolated case, I'm sorry to hear that is common. About the job, I thought  the same, they were admiting that having a diagnosis would close me doors... but it was a private conversation and in the context of "congratulate" me, so I don't  think there is anything I can do about that...but I will keep an eye on anybody that comes to work with us with a ND diagnosis

I've just read your first post for context, I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm on a Subreddit where this seems to be quite common. It seems like there is a very stereotypical view of autistic traits by some assessors (based on what a lot of people on Reddit have said). Personally, I was diagnosed about ten years ago under old criteria, but I remember the psychologist mentioned that I gave good eye contact and articulated well. When I told her it was forced she recognised I was masking, common in late diagnosis (I was early thirties), so she adapted the assessment to subtly reveal my autistic traits. She was brilliant, but I do think there are so many people on the waiting list now that maybe it's become very rigid, with less room to adapt the assessment to suit the person. I'm sorry your employer is taking away accommodations that made work more comfortable for you, it's a shame they're making you have a piece of paper to get them; it should be about the person, not the diagnosis. It's awful they said it 'opens doors for you' clearly showing it wouldn't if you were diagnosed, they're admitting discrimination right there!

On workplace adjustments: I only got an autism diagnosis in December last year, however, I've had workplace adjustments for years. I'm bipolar and have some adjustments justified due to that, but the sensory ones - quiet working area, seat with natural daylight, wearing earplugs in the office  and a few others I asked for due to suffering tinnitus and migraines. Maybe there is something else you could leverage to ask for adjustments? Challenging the diagnosis is also an option.

Thanks for the recommendation. I just got a call from them and they are going to give me another appointment  to speak about the things that are no right in the report. I was to leave it, but there was a mistake that I could not tolerate (they say I was being investigated  at my job for highlited concern, when what I said was that the people that bullied me is being investigated), I couldn't  stand that an official document had that writed on. And now it's seem like I have the opportunity to clarify  all the mistakes ans misunderstanding that my report have on. 

I don't  think that is going to change the result, but at least the things that they say will be true.

I do regret to start  the process, so I get why you won't  pursuit an official assessment.

I completely understand. I also have a long term partner but he's also probably on the spectrum, and I'm also very emotionally empathic. But people say I don't appear autistic and I never bothered with trying to get a diagnosis. A book that helped me was "Am I autistic?" by Lydia Andal.