Do you find yourself easily latching onto a "safe" person?

self preservation mechanism. Ditto with me.

pdaddio83 talked about 'engineering' situations. I've done that so many times. This is slightly off-topic but what they said resonated with something that I hadn't thought about in a while.

When I was a lot younger and went out to nightclubs and things like that, I would always convince someone to go early. I have all the usual things with crowds and noise, but as well as alcohol, one of the things that helped me cope for a few hours was using the technique of going to an empty club and letting it fill up around me. It wouldn't matter who the person was, which is why this bit is off-topic.

Back on topic, I will be terrified when out with my wife and she went off to talk to someone. It's a horrible feeling. And it's not fair on her for me to cling on, so I do try, but it is really tiring.

I would say yes for me. On the occasions where I've had to go to social gatherings, I always zero in on one person I'm familiar with and try and talk to them for the whole time, but I also understand that everyone else doesn't do that so it makes me feel a bit weird. I once went to a music session my friend was hosting and wanted to go because I thought I would enjoy it and support them, but I dreaded going to a bar and sitting on my own looking alone and strange. So I organised going with another friend - neither knew at the time I "engineered" it so I made it more comfortable for me, but I would have felt incredibly isolated and unconfident if I didn't.

Generally I will try to figure out which person seems like the nicest person to talk to or is the most sympathetic, I don't like people who are loud or overconfident. 

Hi, I think neurotypical people don’t accept that a lot of autistic people actually don’t crave interaction. I can sit at a table and just enjoy being quiet, having someone sit too near to me and talk constantly drives me insane. The comment will normally come, “you don’t say much,” if I answer it’s normally just, “I’m fine.” 
I do understand that some autistic people get lonely, I very rarely feel that, inside my head is busy enough, having to socialise is too much.

Parents are another thing all on its  own, I drove coaches on school contracts for years. I’ve lost  count of how many children I’ve seen crying on the coach because of their parents expectations for them. Some parents just don’t or won’t accept that their child is different.

I was abused as well. Although my parents knew that I was different, they didn't know why and were'nt willing to have me evaluated for fear of any social stigma. Whenever I started to self-stim which for me was shaking my head and flapping my hands, they'd asked me to stop. If I didn't, they'd beat me. 

Although their harsh treatment taught me to mask, it also destroyed our relationship. When my father passed last year, I was not at his bedside and had not seen him in 23 years. My mother is still alive but I haven't had anything to do with her in 45 years. 

Prior to my retirement, I was told by neruotypical colleagues that I would regret it if I didn't make up with my parents. I am sorry to say that I felt nothing when I recieved news of my father's passing. I doubt if I will shed a tear when my mother passes.

Like you, I tend to be distant with people. While you seem more open to interacting with others over time, I keep everyone at arm's length. 

It helps that b nature, I'm a reclusive introvert. I prirotize being alone over socializing in person. Chatboard forums like this and the blog I maintain are about all of the socializing that I now do. 

I was abused when I was a child, it has made me very cautious of anyone new, if someone tries too hard to befriend me, it sets off alarms and will cause me to retreat.

Occasionally someone will interest me, I find it easy to mimic things like accent and mannerisms, I can be interested in their interests. I wonder if it’s a form of masking on my part.

Yes that can happen x

Do I find myself easily latching onto a "safe" perosn. The answer is no. Sadly, I am deeply mistrusting about the motivations of others. 

When I last taught Culinary Arts, I was at the same high school for 8 years. A woman who would later become an assistant principal tried to make friends with me. What made me very nervous was that she wanted the key to my home and she wanted to be the executor of my will. I was in my fifties at this point and did not have a will. Since I didn't know this person, I didn't understand why she wanted me to name her as my executor. I also didn't undersand why she wanted the keys to my house. 

"It's just in case," she would tell me.

"Just in case of what?" I would ask. 

I never got a reply to this question. She would only smile and pat me on the shoulder.

I didn't trust this person at all because I didn't know what her motivations were. 

She knew I was autistic and while I appreciate the fact that she never bothered trying to make small talk with me and would always cut to the chase regarding what she wanted, I was none the less put off by these requests. 

Sadly, I am not a very trusting person. My problem is that I've been burned more times than I care to remember. People whom I thought I trust turned out to be completely untrustworthy. This has only served to reinforce my already strong reclusive and introverted tendencies to the point where the only real socializing I do is via my blog and this chatboard forum. 

It's been nearly a month since I retired. I don't miss interacting with anyone at all. I have my projects and my cats. I have a roof over my head and food on the table. I feel perfectly fine for the time being. 

I had someone for a couple of years, and we were almost completely inseperable. That time has passed and I miss it more than anything.

It can be the easiest thing to do socially when you are autistic.

Yeah I don't have many supportive figures in my life, so things become a bit disordered. 

I relate to having done that too. 

Yes I have always felt myself doing this. Embarrassing and tried to hide it and resist doing it. I definitely still feel like a child at times.  But I have my husband these days so it's OK to be needy with him. 

Badly. One of them found it smothering.

How did that go?

Yes. I used to do this all the time with friends.