Published on 12, July, 2020
This could be anyone, and I've found in my experience they don't have to be neurodivergent either.
At school, there were teachers who offered support and things like that but I always felt intimidated by it. Things have changed particularly over the last year or so though.
I'm in my late 20s. I see a therapist each week and earlier in the year I latched onto her quite intensely, seeing her as a maternal figure. I had no friends in my life at that time; I'd lost them all the year prior and feared being abandoned again. It has lessened slightly but at the same time, it's still there in the same way. Obviously I know of the obvious boundary, which I don't intend to cross.
I've started a little film & TV production bootcamp and there is someone there who's basically on top of wellbeing and, to use her words, "a shoulder to cry on if you need it". I never felt like I had that in any other sort of academic institution type place. The same person interviewed me so I'm already comfortable with them.
It's a difficult one, because I think it's right that support comes from different areas, but I do seem to have a habit of latching onto people who may not be emotionally available in the way I may want.
Do I find myself easily latching onto a "safe" perosn. The answer is no. Sadly, I am deeply mistrusting about the motivations of others.
When I last taught Culinary Arts, I was at the same high school for 8 years. A woman who would later become an assistant principal tried to make friends with me. What made me very nervous was that she wanted the key to my home and she wanted to be the executor of my will. I was in my fifties at this point and did not have a will. Since I didn't know this person, I didn't understand why she wanted me to name her as my executor. I also didn't undersand why she wanted the keys to my house.
"It's just in case," she would tell me.
"Just in case of what?" I would ask.
I never got a reply to this question. She would only smile and pat me on the shoulder.
I didn't trust this person at all because I didn't know what her motivations were.
She knew I was autistic and while I appreciate the fact that she never bothered trying to make small talk with me and would always cut to the chase regarding what she wanted, I was none the less put off by these requests.
Sadly, I am not a very trusting person. My problem is that I've been burned more times than I care to remember. People whom I thought I trust turned out to be completely untrustworthy. This has only served to reinforce my already strong reclusive and introverted tendencies to the point where the only real socializing I do is via my blog and this chatboard forum.
It's been nearly a month since I retired. I don't miss interacting with anyone at all. I have my projects and my cats. I have a roof over my head and food on the table. I feel perfectly fine for the time being.