Published on 12, July, 2020
This could be anyone, and I've found in my experience they don't have to be neurodivergent either.
At school, there were teachers who offered support and things like that but I always felt intimidated by it. Things have changed particularly over the last year or so though.
I'm in my late 20s. I see a therapist each week and earlier in the year I latched onto her quite intensely, seeing her as a maternal figure. I had no friends in my life at that time; I'd lost them all the year prior and feared being abandoned again. It has lessened slightly but at the same time, it's still there in the same way. Obviously I know of the obvious boundary, which I don't intend to cross.
I've started a little film & TV production bootcamp and there is someone there who's basically on top of wellbeing and, to use her words, "a shoulder to cry on if you need it". I never felt like I had that in any other sort of academic institution type place. The same person interviewed me so I'm already comfortable with them.
It's a difficult one, because I think it's right that support comes from different areas, but I do seem to have a habit of latching onto people who may not be emotionally available in the way I may want.
I was abused when I was a child, it has made me very cautious of anyone new, if someone tries too hard to befriend me, it sets off alarms and will cause me to retreat.
Occasionally someone will interest me, I find it easy to mimic things like accent and mannerisms, I can be interested in their interests. I wonder if it’s a form of masking on my part.
I was abused as well. Although my parents knew that I was different, they didn't know why and were'nt willing to have me evaluated for fear of any social stigma. Whenever I started to self-stim which for me was shaking my head and flapping my hands, they'd asked me to stop. If I didn't, they'd beat me.
Although their harsh treatment taught me to mask, it also destroyed our relationship. When my father passed last year, I was not at his bedside and had not seen him in 23 years. My mother is still alive but I haven't had anything to do with her in 45 years.
Prior to my retirement, I was told by neruotypical colleagues that I would regret it if I didn't make up with my parents. I am sorry to say that I felt nothing when I recieved news of my father's passing. I doubt if I will shed a tear when my mother passes.
Like you, I tend to be distant with people. While you seem more open to interacting with others over time, I keep everyone at arm's length.
It helps that b nature, I'm a reclusive introvert. I prirotize being alone over socializing in person. Chatboard forums like this and the blog I maintain are about all of the socializing that I now do.