I've attempted suicide many times but I don't do that anymore. I just self harm now. [content removed by Moderator due to breaches of rule 4 of the online community rules and guidelines] but I will not kill myself, or attempt to again, because I know two women whose relatives killed themselves and apparently it traumatised them. Funnily enough, I kind of fell in love with those two women. Well, one of them in particular. The other one I consider one of the nicest people I know. Every day I long for some meaningful human contact but I can't find it anywhere.