Published on 12, July, 2020
I've attempted suicide many times but I don't do that anymore. I just self harm now. [content removed by Moderator due to breaches of rule 4 of the online community rules and guidelines] but I will not kill myself, or attempt to again, because I know two women whose relatives killed themselves and apparently it traumatised them. Funnily enough, I kind of fell in love with those two women. Well, one of them in particular. The other one I consider one of the nicest people I know. Every day I long for some meaningful human contact but I can't find it anywhere.
Thank you for sharing, my friend. I'm the first to reply but I'll be bold. I'm not new to suicide - both ideation, planning and near misses. I won't say I share your pain because we all experience it differently but suffice it to write here that you are not alone, okay, you are not alone, your pain is real, I'm so glad that both you and I are still alive communicating right now in this time and place. And also, though I don't know you, I love you man. I go to an Andy's Man Club Monday evenings and the refreshing drenching of love that flows throughout the group is still fresh in me.
No judgement from this brother and if the self-harm helps you to deal with things, God bless you with your struggle and remember that you're always the boss and can know your limits. Your attachment to the women you mention is heartening and I say this because I can sense your love for a fellow human being. It reflects on how much heart and love you have and how crucial it is that you carry on, no matter how tough it gets.
It'll be okay, yeah. Sorry, I'm useless with saying the right thing...'we've got this' and all that. Just, thank you for sharing your post. I'm feeling for you and hope you feel some light shining through for you today.