Published on 12, July, 2020
I've attempted suicide many times but I don't do that anymore. I just self harm now. [content removed by Moderator due to breaches of rule 4 of the online community rules and guidelines] but I will not kill myself, or attempt to again, because I know two women whose relatives killed themselves and apparently it traumatised them. Funnily enough, I kind of fell in love with those two women. Well, one of them in particular. The other one I consider one of the nicest people I know. Every day I long for some meaningful human contact but I can't find it anywhere.
I want to die.
Come to think of it, I don't know anyone in person, so it wouldn't be likely to traumatize anybody either.
Completely get your line of thinking and thank you for your honesty.
I don't want you to die, brother. I'm just another addition to this wonderful safe space for us but I'm here for you as is everyone on here.
Not sure if it helps but I try to make a distinction between wanting to die and not wanting to exist. The difference is much more than what you can spot in the meaning of words. Personally my faith helps me to look beyond the finality of death and the associated 'fear of the unknown'. But that's just me. I only add this because I 'know' that existence doesn't end with death.
The struggle is very real. I've been there in my own way; you're there in your own way. It's real, it's painful and it endures.
Reach out, my friend, and stay with us. x
Andrew