Published on 12, July, 2020
I wanted to stress myself on my own terms. I am socialy testing myself to grow my social muscles.
A few days before I googled, 'is it OK to go to the pub on my own'. It should be fine. If it is quite, the bar-keep will be happy and friendly for a chat. But if it is busy, make a simple order and move away.
It was quite for the evening. Not sure I was disappointed or relieved? Well it seemed it won't be as testing as I thought.
Do I drink alcohol or not? I walked there, so I had options. If I sat on my own, I would be happy with a pint of milk ;). Maybe a tea or a coffee. I chose a bottle of cider. It would keep my hands occupied. I could corress it, or choke the neck if I feel the need. I took a chance and asked the bar-boy if the man playing the machine want a drink. We shared forgettable small talk and a second round. A few people came and went engaging the regular with local gossip. After two bottles i was surprised i felt it in my legs when I said farewell.
I enjoyed the walk home. I buzzed with energy, soothed in the meditive rhythm of walking. What to do next week?
Yeh don’t mean to bring down your buzz any but yeh
Try going to a restaurant. Lunchtime, Monday to Wednesday are usually quiet times in restaurants, they will be glad of your custom and you wont have to put up with much noise or crowds of people. You quite often get a lunchtime menu which can be significantly less expensive than the evening prices.
I love a good Uhane story!
when I was under age run away I used to go in the back door of this one bar and play the pin ball machine there just inside, as I was addicted to it. I didn't drink but water but I always drew a crowd and they never kicked me out. It was a wall of noise in there but if I had the paddles in my hands and someone gave me a quarter for the first game that noisy world disappeared as I rolled over free games:
"Space Cadet". Never forget it.15yrs old.
I never made any friends there but some times people would buy me food. Once, some one gave me alcohol and, least to say, I did not dignify myself that night with rolled over games - and - an angry barkeep cursed the perps as he cleaned up my sick. I was never allowed in the back door again.
fast forward 25 years and Space Cadet showed up again as a windows XP game on 32 bit computers.
congrats! this is how I felt the first time I went to a gym class - for the same reasons as you. a breakthrough.
I am sorry you have seen the flipside of alcohol. You paint a worrying image. Wow.
That’s good that you feel like that. Me personally I don’t feel much different when I go to something and don’t drink just don’t see the need for it man. Hell I know people that died to alcohol. Chose alcohol over they’re partner chose it over they’re kids. It’s just not worth it to me to be honest. But everyone’s different though. Some things just stick with you though like seeing images of your mother passed out and fading in and out of consciousness. Loan sharks banging on the door for booze money. Hell all kinds a things.
Loved your description of bonding. Thank you for your feedback ACF85.
Well done! Nice one!
Yes, I also play safe with alcohol free, especially since my most recent breakdown last year and a new round of medication. Does taste much the same and being close to people on a packed night, the smell of actual alcohol and cigarettes is never too far away. The 'bonding' can feel real in a strange way - like being onboard a ship and realising that you boarded the wrong one but can do nothing else but wait until you get to shore and make the most of your time on-board.
Well done Open View.
I've been to pubs a few times and as someone who masks but not to the point of socialising. It's torture, if I'm honest, and more so when I'm very conscious of being alone (I just go alone) compared to when I dig deep and manage to find some ability to engage with others. It always feels very forced when I do engage with others but then again I don't get intoxicated so I'm fully in control of my senses. I think I do it because I get a buzz out of torturing myself...and for passing as 'normal'.
Other times, I just let the mask slip very carefully and do the whole sensory trail thing. Just something to do/feel rather than to be.
Andrew
Yeh I totally relate to that. Many times I have went to a bar and shared a drink with a stranger and felt the buzz of both the alcohol and the buzz of socialising with someone. It’s a nice feeling. So yeh totally get the feeling you’re describing. I went to a pub also by myself and watched the football. In hindsight I probably shouldn’t have went by myself as there was a bar fight involving football hooligans from a foreign country at the same very pub. So yeh. But when you have the Dutch courage you do feel almost invincible. That’s the magic of alcohol and why we collectively enjoy it. But you know you could always go to a bar and just drink non alcoholic beee it’s exactly the same except you are keeping your safe and you can still share the social bonding with others too. So it’s a win-win situation.
Well done for going out of your comfort zone!