Published on 12, July, 2020
I wanted to stress myself on my own terms. I am socialy testing myself to grow my social muscles.
A few days before I googled, 'is it OK to go to the pub on my own'. It should be fine. If it is quite, the bar-keep will be happy and friendly for a chat. But if it is busy, make a simple order and move away.
It was quite for the evening. Not sure I was disappointed or relieved? Well it seemed it won't be as testing as I thought.
Do I drink alcohol or not? I walked there, so I had options. If I sat on my own, I would be happy with a pint of milk ;). Maybe a tea or a coffee. I chose a bottle of cider. It would keep my hands occupied. I could corress it, or choke the neck if I feel the need. I took a chance and asked the bar-boy if the man playing the machine want a drink. We shared forgettable small talk and a second round. A few people came and went engaging the regular with local gossip. After two bottles i was surprised i felt it in my legs when I said farewell.
I enjoyed the walk home. I buzzed with energy, soothed in the meditive rhythm of walking. What to do next week?
Well done Open View.
I've been to pubs a few times and as someone who masks but not to the point of socialising. It's torture, if I'm honest, and more so when I'm very conscious of being alone (I just go alone) compared to when I dig deep and manage to find some ability to engage with others. It always feels very forced when I do engage with others but then again I don't get intoxicated so I'm fully in control of my senses. I think I do it because I get a buzz out of torturing myself...and for passing as 'normal'.
Other times, I just let the mask slip very carefully and do the whole sensory trail thing. Just something to do/feel rather than to be.
Andrew