Re: Recently confirmed as Autistic

No need to punish yourself. Autistic self-recognition is valid, therefore you're a part of the community.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and for sharing your experiences as well, good to know that what I'm feeling is "normal".

Hey, look at that, we are "normal" after all...lol

So it's ok to feel all those emotions and work our way through them.

For me it was actually a relief as I suspected i was and it explained so much.What has been hard for me is people that are so unkind to our community.Equally there are some amazing people I have met and I call them my team 

Hi Craig. 

Congratulations! There are some lovely people on here, and all sorts of views and experiences. They've helped me over the past few months since my diagnosis.

I also feel that way, although I feel like I should punish myself for taking place in this community, but I just need it like an air to survive. And I’m happy that I found your channel!

Hi Craig. Congratulations on your diagnosis, and welcome to the community.

I was diagnosed as autistic last year, aged 41. I'm struggling so much with post-diagnosis grief right now. I'm not grieving the fact that I'm autistic - I'm absolutely neutral about that. After all, autism is just a neurological difference, and diversity makes the world go round. However, as you articulated so well, I feel regret and sadness because of what could have been if I had known much sooner. Without a diagnosis, or self-recognition, autistic people are likely to go through life feeling like they're broken or bad. 

I'm trying my best to deal with the belated news by making daft YouTube videos about my autistic experiences and by connecting with fellow autists here and elsewhere. Without the autistic community, I would be utterly lost.

Hi Craig

I was diagnosed last year in my fifties. I could not put it better than what Bunny has said.

It takes time to work through and over a year later I am still working through it!

One thing, probably the best advice I was given and can pay forward is to be kind to yourself. None of this is your fault, you are not defective but are different. I have found comfort and strength in the couple of months I have been here.

I’m not diagnosed although now two mental health professionals already told me I’m very likely to be autistic. The moment I figured it out (on my own) was a huge shock. It took me long time to calm down. Now I’m happy that I know that because I have access to the knowledge of why I’m different, I’ve got a manual to myself, I found this forum, it helped me recognize my own emotions and better manage them and although it has some price - often doubts torture my brain or other thoughts like mourning my youth that was filled with suffering and I couldn’t understand why. I could have had it easier if my mom took care about me properly but she refused having me tested when teachers told her I’m probably autistic. The knowledge of who I am helped me recognize what I actually need, what serves me and that there is nothing wrong with me if my goals and desires are different than the majority. With the help of knowledge I also found a job that suits me. So in the beginning it was hard for me, now I benefit from that. I think I would have suffered if I suddenly got informed that I’m not autistic. Then I would have probably felt like I lost everything and went back to starting point. As for now I’m not seeking any diagnosis 

Welcome, Craig, and congratulations on your diagnosis!

It's wonderful that you're already enjoying some of the benefits that can come with a diagnosis (you mention feeling relieved). You're far from alone, though, in also feeling angry and regretful.

During the period following a diagnosis - and for late-diagnosed autistic adults in particular - it can be common to experience some emotional dysregulation. This can include working through a phase where we experience (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more - as I've also been doing.

The NAS has a newly refreshed set of articles focused around diagnosis, including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months - you might find them of interest and/or helpful:

How you might feel after a diagnosis

Other advice covering post-diagnosis