Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone,
I am a 51 yr old man that was confirmed autistic last Tuesday, experiencing mixed emotions is an understatement, I felt relief at now knowing why I was "different" then anger at losing 47 years of my life being undiagnosed and struggling with everything, regret at missed opportunities in life because I didn't know how to handle those chances, sadness that I've missed out on what neurotypical people did like, go on holidays together, enjoying each others social company.
My first question is, how did you handle the news of being told you are autistic?
I’m not diagnosed although now two mental health professionals already told me I’m very likely to be autistic. The moment I figured it out (on my own) was a huge shock. It took me long time to calm down. Now I’m happy that I know that because I have access to the knowledge of why I’m different, I’ve got a manual to myself, I found this forum, it helped me recognize my own emotions and better manage them and although it has some price - often doubts torture my brain or other thoughts like mourning my youth that was filled with suffering and I couldn’t understand why. I could have had it easier if my mom took care about me properly but she refused having me tested when teachers told her I’m probably autistic. The knowledge of who I am helped me recognize what I actually need, what serves me and that there is nothing wrong with me if my goals and desires are different than the majority. With the help of knowledge I also found a job that suits me. So in the beginning it was hard for me, now I benefit from that. I think I would have suffered if I suddenly got informed that I’m not autistic. Then I would have probably felt like I lost everything and went back to starting point. As for now I’m not seeking any diagnosis