Post Diagnosis Support?

I can understand your feelings. I was just diagnosed myself by a psychologist and in one way I can see why I struggled all my life and in another way, I feel completely turned upside down and don't know what to do with it. Does my diagnosis mean I am weird and alienated and that my struggles will never improve? Does it mean I can't apply for certain jobs? And some autistic traits don't seem to apply to me so is my diagnosis even accurate? I feel like I don't know how to "act" now. Maybe I have been masking all my life and didn't know it and now that I am diagnosed I don't have to mask so now I don't know what to do. I did disclose my diagnosis to my sisters and husband and they had already suspected I was autistic and never said anything. I was shocked. The psychologist told me to disclose to my current workplace, but I feel really uncomfortable doing that. My main issue for going to a psychologist was because I have panic attacks and the latest one was bad so I thought I will go for therapy. It is very expensive, but I thought it will help me. After our first consultatoin, she said she wanted to do some pyschological assessments. Thats how I found out. All my life, I have had major trouble fitting in. People like me but are not friends. I am routinely left out. I ask to hangout with someone I  meet at work or in a group, and they turn me down over and over . Or we do hang out and then they don't want to again. So I do not know why I am so 'rejected" or left out over and over again. Autism fits this. It explains it. So I feel more understanding about myself, but now what? They psychologist told me to join a support group with autistic adults who were diagnosed later in life. So that is why I am joining here. But to tell you the truth, I am scared that I won't fit in here either.  So this is how my diagnosis has turned me upside down. 

I can understand your feelings. I was just diagnosed myself by a psychologist and in one way I can see why I struggled all my life and in another way, I feel completely turned upside down and don't know what to do with it. Does my diagnosis mean I am weird and alienated and that my struggles will never improve? Does it mean I can't apply for certain jobs? And some autistic traits don't seem to apply to me so is my diagnosis even accurate? I feel like I don't know how to "act" now. Maybe I have been masking all my life and didn't know it and now that I am diagnosed I don't have to mask so now I don't know what to do. I did disclose my diagnosis to my sisters and husband and they had already suspected I was autistic and never said anything. I was shocked. The psychologist told me to disclose to my current workplace, but I feel really uncomfortable doing that. My main issue for going to a psychologist was because I have panic attacks and the latest one was bad so I thought I will go for therapy. It is very expensive, but I thought it will help me. After our first consultatoin, she said she wanted to do some pyschological assessments. Thats how I found out. All my life, I have had major trouble fitting in. People like me but are not friends. I am routinely left out. I ask to hangout with someone I  meet at work or in a group, and they turn me down over and over . Or we do hang out and then they don't want to again. So I do not know why I am so 'rejected" or left out over and over again. Autism fits this. It explains it. So I feel more understanding about myself, but now what? They psychologist told me to join a support group with autistic adults who were diagnosed later in life. So that is why I am joining here. But to tell you the truth, I am scared that I won't fit in here either.  So this is how my diagnosis has turned me upside down. 

NAS94852 said:

The psychologist told me to disclose to my current workplace, but I feel really uncomfortable doing that.

There is no requirement for you to do this unless you having a meltdown would put people at risk in some way in which case I would get some professional advice on whether to do this or not.

If work is not very friendly to autists then keeping quiet is a good survival technique but if you think getting them to make some minor changes (eg allowing you to wear noise cancelling headphones or changing the lighting so it doesn't give you a headache) then you may want to tell them and ask for these changes under the requirement called "reasonable adjustments" which they have an obligation to try to meet if practical.

NAS94852 said:

I have panic attacks and the latest one was bad so I thought I will go for therapy. It is very expensive,

Anxiety is the root cause of panic attacks and something most of us have struggles with. There is one book I can recommend if you are good with self help:

Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety - A Guide to Successful Stress Management - Nick Dubin (2009)
ISBN 9781843108955

As for therapy, the rates I'm seeing are about £45-90/hour for a certified psychotherapist in the UK. There are load to choose from if you use: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling  For reference I pay £60/hour.

chose your location, click on the FILTER box and select autism and any other issues you have and it will give you a list of therapists who meet the criteria. I would advise looking at their qualifications, expertise and experience to see if they seem professional enough then book a trial session with any that "feel" better than the others to you.

NAS94852 said:

I do not know why I am so 'rejected" or left out over and over again

This lack of social know-how is a common autistic trait and stems from the way our brains developed differently to our neurotypical peers - they found their sensory filters became more selective and this allowed them a different focus on things that we struggled to achieve - we tend to get swamped by inputs.

This allowed them to pick up on social cues better, "get" one another and got a lot more practice with the social interactions than us, not helped by our preference for our own company most of the time.

If it really bugs you then you can learn the skills - it means you have to work harder at catching what is going on but lets you mask effectively and blend in when needed - useful for a lot of situations if you need to fit it. A good guide for this is the book:

The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism - Temple Grandin, Sean Barron (2005)
ISBN: 9781941765388

I think I've covered most of what you talked about here - you will inevitably have lots of questions and other things to talk about so fire away and you will get responses from the community here.

You see, you have found your people at last!

You totally fit in, and so does BumbleBee.

NAS94852 said:

I am scared that I won't fit in here either. 

You already fit in here. You are just like many of us although it is worth noting that we are an odd mix of people with different traits, experiences andd situations so are not all the same.

You are anonymous here so you have no exposure as such - just ask what you want, share what you are comfortable with and participate as you feel comfortable. Most of us are quite accepting, some are blunt (I have that capacity at times) and there are a handful who can be controvertial, but overall it is a really nice place to spend some time and feel amongst people who "get" you.

NAS94852 said:

I was just diagnosed myself by a psychologist and in one way I can see why I struggled all my life and in another way, I feel completely turned upside down and don't know what to do with it.

This is quite a common reaction. It is worth remembering that nothing has changed and you are still the same person, but you now have knowledge that empowers you to do more about what is troubling you.

I would recommend reading the following:

Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome - Wylie, Philip_ Beardon, Luke_ Heath, Sara  (2014)
ISBN 9781849054331

This should give you a decent grounding in autism and the experiences of others to realise that you are actually now in a much better place and are developing the tools to make your life better.

For me the most progress I made was when I started working with a therapist who had experience with autistism (she had autistic children which was a big plus) and I was able to work through traumas with her, understand (or unpack in therapy terms) these situations and come to terms with them which enabled me to remove some of the coping mechanisms I was using unknowingly.

Will you never improve? You will if you work on yourself.

Can you apply for certain jobs? Of course you can, but some jobs come with more stress on your autistic traits so may be best avoided. As with all jobs, they come with a price.

Don't have all the traits of autism? Most don't - it is the nature of a spectrum condition. ie you have some of the traits at different levels of intensity. There is no template for it.

Is your diagnosis accurate? Probably. Imposter syndrome is common and is explained in the book. Trust in the results from the professionals.

There are a load more things you talk about that I don't have space here to answer but I'm sure others will join in with advice.