Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I was diagnosed with ASD earlier in the year. Even though it is something I have thought and believed my whole life, I feel like the diagnosis has turned me upside down and I feel like I don't understand myself anymore. It felt like the assessor saw things in me that I don't see myself, but in the report she wrote, nothing of the sort was described. I received a post-diagnosis email but there wasn't much on there either. I just want someone to talk to who knows Autism well and I can organise my thoughts and learn more about myself. I have tried reading things online but it just doesn't seem to be helping. I want somebody to talk to about it all that knows what they are talking about. I just don't know where to turn.. I feel so isolated and alienated from myself, did anybody else have this experience? I'm from the East Midlands, can anybody signpost me to something that may help? I tried a peer mentoring-type service, but once I signed up I heard nothing more from them, I have sent follow up emails with no response also.. I have joined local groups on Facebook but it all seems to be child-centred and parents looking for school placements.
Any feedback would be greatly received, I don't want to keep feeling this way.
I can understand your feelings. I was just diagnosed myself by a psychologist and in one way I can see why I struggled all my life and in another way, I feel completely turned upside down and don't know what to do with it. Does my diagnosis mean I am weird and alienated and that my struggles will never improve? Does it mean I can't apply for certain jobs? And some autistic traits don't seem to apply to me so is my diagnosis even accurate? I feel like I don't know how to "act" now. Maybe I have been masking all my life and didn't know it and now that I am diagnosed I don't have to mask so now I don't know what to do. I did disclose my diagnosis to my sisters and husband and they had already suspected I was autistic and never said anything. I was shocked. The psychologist told me to disclose to my current workplace, but I feel really uncomfortable doing that. My main issue for going to a psychologist was because I have panic attacks and the latest one was bad so I thought I will go for therapy. It is very expensive, but I thought it will help me. After our first consultatoin, she said she wanted to do some pyschological assessments. Thats how I found out. All my life, I have had major trouble fitting in. People like me but are not friends. I am routinely left out. I ask to hangout with someone I meet at work or in a group, and they turn me down over and over . Or we do hang out and then they don't want to again. So I do not know why I am so 'rejected" or left out over and over again. Autism fits this. It explains it. So I feel more understanding about myself, but now what? They psychologist told me to join a support group with autistic adults who were diagnosed later in life. So that is why I am joining here. But to tell you the truth, I am scared that I won't fit in here either. So this is how my diagnosis has turned me upside down.
You totally fit in, and so does BumbleBee.
Aw thank you Mark!
I understand how you feel though! I have been left out time after time, and at first I felt the same way about fitting in here too - but already I am slowly starting to feel more and more comfortable here, and it is nice to hear about other people's experiences and it's comforting to find similarities too. Regarding work though, of course I can't speak on behalf of any other workplace - but my manager has been wonderful with me throughout everything, she accommodates my needs as much as she can, and she's patient with me too. When I was first diagnosed I asked about work - and the lady gave me a booklet on Autism in the workplace, and I gave that to my manager because (from my manager) they weren't very knowledgeable on Autism and how to support people in the workplace. I personally don't feel like I need much support, other than explaining things to me in more detail so I understand things better or don't spiral into overthinking - and supporting me with routine and change.
I have been seeking a support group too but I haven't had an awful lot of luck with it. I have just found a "social space" online which I'm quite looking forward to - I've not experienced it yet, my first meet is tomorrow after work, I'm feeling quite hopeful! It took some digging and some emailing but at least there is something, I hope you find something too!