Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I was diagnosed with ASD earlier in the year. Even though it is something I have thought and believed my whole life, I feel like the diagnosis has turned me upside down and I feel like I don't understand myself anymore. It felt like the assessor saw things in me that I don't see myself, but in the report she wrote, nothing of the sort was described. I received a post-diagnosis email but there wasn't much on there either. I just want someone to talk to who knows Autism well and I can organise my thoughts and learn more about myself. I have tried reading things online but it just doesn't seem to be helping. I want somebody to talk to about it all that knows what they are talking about. I just don't know where to turn.. I feel so isolated and alienated from myself, did anybody else have this experience? I'm from the East Midlands, can anybody signpost me to something that may help? I tried a peer mentoring-type service, but once I signed up I heard nothing more from them, I have sent follow up emails with no response also.. I have joined local groups on Facebook but it all seems to be child-centred and parents looking for school placements.
Any feedback would be greatly received, I don't want to keep feeling this way.
I can understand your feelings. I was just diagnosed myself by a psychologist and in one way I can see why I struggled all my life and in another way, I feel completely turned upside down and don't know what to do with it. Does my diagnosis mean I am weird and alienated and that my struggles will never improve? Does it mean I can't apply for certain jobs? And some autistic traits don't seem to apply to me so is my diagnosis even accurate? I feel like I don't know how to "act" now. Maybe I have been masking all my life and didn't know it and now that I am diagnosed I don't have to mask so now I don't know what to do. I did disclose my diagnosis to my sisters and husband and they had already suspected I was autistic and never said anything. I was shocked. The psychologist told me to disclose to my current workplace, but I feel really uncomfortable doing that. My main issue for going to a psychologist was because I have panic attacks and the latest one was bad so I thought I will go for therapy. It is very expensive, but I thought it will help me. After our first consultatoin, she said she wanted to do some pyschological assessments. Thats how I found out. All my life, I have had major trouble fitting in. People like me but are not friends. I am routinely left out. I ask to hangout with someone I meet at work or in a group, and they turn me down over and over . Or we do hang out and then they don't want to again. So I do not know why I am so 'rejected" or left out over and over again. Autism fits this. It explains it. So I feel more understanding about myself, but now what? They psychologist told me to join a support group with autistic adults who were diagnosed later in life. So that is why I am joining here. But to tell you the truth, I am scared that I won't fit in here either. So this is how my diagnosis has turned me upside down.
NAS94852 said:I am scared that I won't fit in here either.
You already fit in here. You are just like many of us although it is worth noting that we are an odd mix of people with different traits, experiences andd situations so are not all the same.
You are anonymous here so you have no exposure as such - just ask what you want, share what you are comfortable with and participate as you feel comfortable. Most of us are quite accepting, some are blunt (I have that capacity at times) and there are a handful who can be controvertial, but overall it is a really nice place to spend some time and feel amongst people who "get" you.
NAS94852 said: I was just diagnosed myself by a psychologist and in one way I can see why I struggled all my life and in another way, I feel completely turned upside down and don't know what to do with it.
This is quite a common reaction. It is worth remembering that nothing has changed and you are still the same person, but you now have knowledge that empowers you to do more about what is troubling you.
I would recommend reading the following:
Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome - Wylie, Philip_ Beardon, Luke_ Heath, Sara (2014)ISBN 9781849054331
This should give you a decent grounding in autism and the experiences of others to realise that you are actually now in a much better place and are developing the tools to make your life better.
For me the most progress I made was when I started working with a therapist who had experience with autistism (she had autistic children which was a big plus) and I was able to work through traumas with her, understand (or unpack in therapy terms) these situations and come to terms with them which enabled me to remove some of the coping mechanisms I was using unknowingly.
Will you never improve? You will if you work on yourself.
Can you apply for certain jobs? Of course you can, but some jobs come with more stress on your autistic traits so may be best avoided. As with all jobs, they come with a price.
Don't have all the traits of autism? Most don't - it is the nature of a spectrum condition. ie you have some of the traits at different levels of intensity. There is no template for it.
Is your diagnosis accurate? Probably. Imposter syndrome is common and is explained in the book. Trust in the results from the professionals.
There are a load more things you talk about that I don't have space here to answer but I'm sure others will join in with advice.
Iain said:. Imposter syndrome
5 years on and I'm still prone to having doubts about the diagnosis. Autistic X doesn't help with that. It can be full of people doing wonderful things whilst having the worst sensory and other symptoms an autistic person could ever have.
Thank you so much. I have bought the book. Your post gave me a bit of hope and encouragement. I will keep coming back here.