I'm not ready for dating

I've always wanted to get to say this, (so please don't take it as a personal insult, it really isn't)

"There's your problem, right there!" (points at genitals).

You are following that, rather than your god given heart...  

Seriously, in a nutshell, if you want a woman, there are loads out there running away from useless, nasty, men.

Just be a nice useful bloke, and the world of women (eventually) is your oyster. Go buy the book I recommend in my bio. Learn exactly how to be nice and useful. And a far bit about how to sort the good from the bad when it comes to women/people in general. Practice being nice and useful every chance you get.

I tried pretty much everything else first...

Should I just give up on women and try other men or non binary instead?  I think so.  

The golden rule for a sucessful first date, is to simply make sure that you both have a nice time in an honest way.

Works for all sorts of people, that one. Really well, too in my (limited) experience. 

I have got on Bumble again, but specified that I'm keeping things casual and short term to begin with.  Just keeping my options open without the pressure to rush in.  Also considering people a few years younger who also aren't looking to settle down yet.

You've given me some ideas.  Maybe I should look for younger people who also want something casual.  It might be the best way for me to get experience.

I've just gotten bumble again which I've renamed bum hole as that's what I think of dating apps.  It's like going to a supermarket and picking someone off a shelf with all the pressure to create an image of yourself.  Meh! I'd just like to meet someone where we're both willing to work through each others foibles and where there's no pressure to live together or integrate families since I am a single parent.  As much as I love kids, I'd rather keep my daughter separate from someone who I am dating and keep it that way incase it doesn't work out.  Even if it was long term, I think it'd be better to keep my daughter to meeting them on occasion and their family too if it came to that.  It's really hard to imagine though because I'm happy in my life and the thought of that being messed with isn't a good feeling.  I do miss hugs though. :-(

Yeah, that's one of the main reasons why I didn't date anyone for awhile. It would have been unfair to put my baggage on others, and I refused to do so. But I hope you work out your baggage issues, so that you can find someone who's right for you. 

Iain said:

There is something to be said for the raw energy of a fiery, no rules sort of hook up - maybe just a few dates, lots of sparks, crazy experimental sex

I'm not sure I even would want to ever hook up or have sex.  I don't feel those impulses.

I don't know what I'm looking for, I never did.  I guess I have too much time on my hands and I just have to keep myself busy.

I guess I wanted to build a partnership from the ground up with a fellow novice who wasn't so jaded or hasn't already been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

I never got into the whole dating apps stuff. Too much bother. 

I have been dating myself for years. Finding someone who understands you is very difficult unless they too are autistic.

the only people left in my age (35) range are single parents and people who are done travelling and building their careers, etc.

What are you looking for then?

Maybe you need to date younger people if you want those before this stage - or - meet the people who are building a career and get to know them.

It probably depends on what you want from a partner.

Indeed the optimal window has long closed and the only people left in my age (35) range are single parents and people who are done travelling and building their careers, etc.

I am not ready to bear another person's baggage and issues, nor put mine on them.

It helps to set boundaries about what you are willing to accept and make sure any prospective partner knows these in the early part of a relationship.

When you think about it, you probably have a lot of baggage too as a result of your neurodivergence - your traits plus habits you developed and of course the traumas from life growing up with your condition.

Setting some rules in the relationship also helps - a monthly "check-in" where you can talk about the things that you dislike or like about your partner in a non threatening way can prevent a lot of issues growing and festering.

Relationships take work and co-operation so I would recommend finding a partner who is on board with the idea, then you can risk it.

There is something to be said for the raw energy of a fiery, no rules sort of hook up - maybe just a few dates, lots of sparks, crazy experimental sex etc, but keep in your own mind that this is not the foundation of a long term relationship. Just enjoy the fun of the moment and remember it fondly when you go your separate ways.

It won't be for everyone but I found these to be truly memorable without the strings of a relationship attached.

I think that's really sensible of you-do it when you feel ready to and not before. Dating is such a commitment, there's loads to process and you want to be sure you can handle it when it happens. As the Elvis song goes- "only fools rush in".  When you feel ready you can look at it again.

That's fine, it's never something you want to rush into anyway.