Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed as an adult a few years ago, but only got verbal confirmation from the doctor. For several reasons I was never given a written diagnosis (the diagnosing specialist went off sick for a while and I guess I got lost between the cracks, story of my life), but my GP manually added it to my file I think when I told him the results not long after.
Anyway I now seriously doubt my diagnosis, in terms of it feels illegitimate, gaslighty. I know I'm autistic because I have too many traits not be, struggle with so much, constant overwhelmed, can't work fulltime and work in retail despite having 2 degrees (but have zero interest in those subjects so having a high pressure job in those fields would be too much).
Everything just feels...not right, and I used to be able to hang own to my autism diagnosis to explain things to myself and keep going and finding solutions and ways of coping but now it just feels like a lie.
Hi NAS94457,
Specialists trained in diagnosing Autism are regulated, registered and well documented. I have absolutely zero doubt that the information of who performed your diagnosis is recorded somewhere, "fallen through the cracks" only exists in world of MPs phone records, or Rebecca Vardy's PA throwing her incriminating mobile overboard on a ferry. i.e. it's done on purpose to get rid of stuff, your diagnosis and report will exist somewhere.Just because your GP hasn't got it, doesn't mean anything, your GP might not even know his IT system very well, don't take that as the final decision.
Can I ask who was it who recommended you for an autism diagnosis in the first place?
Where was the appointment held, was it online or a face-to-face appointment? (is there not an email or letter which details which organisation did it)
I know first hand how important a formal diagnosis is, I felt it the first time I was certified as Dyslexic, a childhood of shame began to heal when I had medical proof I wasn't stupid. The same with my Autism diagnosis, medical proof that I will struggle with some aspects of life.
I think the on-line versions are good for setting a context, but they are no substitute for having a professional get to know you and testify these are the issues you have, and this is the support you would want.
TheCatWoman said:Do the tests ask gender biased questions?
No, all are generic.
It is only an indication test so is written to cover as many people as it can.
Do the tests ask gender biased questions? This was a problem when I was seeking diagnosis, although things have almost certainly changed since then and women are far more likely to be diagnosed.
I Sperg said:Converting all tests to 100% the NHS and other test scores me 76% and the one Ian recommends only 56% that's a big difference...
This got me looking at the differences and they seem to be slightly different tests.
Both sites use the same questions in the same order with the same options to choose from.
For the sake of scientific curiosity I ran the two tests with an identical set of answers (the options are laid out in a different order in each test so some care was needed). The results scored 23 out of 46 in TheVividMind and 36 on AspergersTest.
Both sites said 32 was the threshold for a suggested diagnosis.
For a controlled test that is pretty crazy - one at 50% and the other 78%.
I know that in the assessment I had for my diagnosis there were several of these tests to be filled out (including a RAADS one) and a lengthy chat about traits. The psychiatrist I used said the test results from the RAADS test needed to be interprited based on some of the other questionaire responses as behaviours adapt with age to compensate for some traits so understanding childhood behaviour versus adult behaviour was relevant.
None of this is at play here - so there seems to be a difference in how the tests are scored.
I'm going to have a look to see what alternatives there are and which are considered reliable by the diagnostic community.
You're describing what is commonly referred to as imposter syndrome. This is very common for autistic people to experience, especially when they have been diagnosed as an adult / late diagnosed. There's no need to go back to the drawing board or retake any tests - trust in your diagnosis. And know that you're not alone in experiencing these doubts and concerns; they're perfectly normal.
More info:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/women-with-autism-spectrum-disorder/202310/why-do-i-feel-like-an-imposter-after-my-autism
https://www.authenticallyemily.uk/blog/autistic-imposter-syndrome
I Sperg said:Excuse me breaking my decision not to post publically,
Welcome back
There is no escape now.
Hallo back! The test from Lain also scored me lower, but the test from aspergerstestsite.com and embrace-autism.com scored me similarly. If this is the test NHS is using then I guess this is the best sample.
These online test are particularly difficult. I avoid socialising & have lived alone for 8yrs. I don't know how to answer some questions accurately as you need feedback from other peeps.
Excuse me breaking my decision not to post publically, (I hope it deosn't cause an exodus of members, as some suggest it might) but there's something hinky going on here.
I've done the NHS test and the Aspergerstestsite.com test which both scored identically, (which I found most reassuring!) that test Iain posted however, scores me as much lower...
Converting all tests to 100% the NHS and other test scores me 76% and the one Ian recommends only 56% that's a big difference...
NAS94457 said:Anyway I now seriously doubt my diagnosis
Easy one to solve here.
Do an online test - they are a bit lengthy but give a reasonably high accuracy of diagnosis if done truthfully.
If it confirms your diagnisis then it is to be believed - if you still want to deny it in the face of the evidence then some therapy should help you either come to terms with it or work on the root cause of the denial.
There is a decent, free online test here:
www.thevividmind.org/.../