Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed as an adult a few years ago, but only got verbal confirmation from the doctor. For several reasons I was never given a written diagnosis (the diagnosing specialist went off sick for a while and I guess I got lost between the cracks, story of my life), but my GP manually added it to my file I think when I told him the results not long after.
Anyway I now seriously doubt my diagnosis, in terms of it feels illegitimate, gaslighty. I know I'm autistic because I have too many traits not be, struggle with so much, constant overwhelmed, can't work fulltime and work in retail despite having 2 degrees (but have zero interest in those subjects so having a high pressure job in those fields would be too much).
Everything just feels...not right, and I used to be able to hang own to my autism diagnosis to explain things to myself and keep going and finding solutions and ways of coping but now it just feels like a lie.
You're describing what is commonly referred to as imposter syndrome. This is very common for autistic people to experience, especially when they have been diagnosed as an adult / late diagnosed. There's no need to go back to the drawing board or retake any tests - trust in your diagnosis. And know that you're not alone in experiencing these doubts and concerns; they're perfectly normal.
More info:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/women-with-autism-spectrum-disorder/202310/why-do-i-feel-like-an-imposter-after-my-autism
https://www.authenticallyemily.uk/blog/autistic-imposter-syndrome