What is your biggest challenge with being an autistic adult?

I'm very much the same. I've always been a natural mimic and if I could interact as well as I do mimic there wouldn't be a problem but I can't. I'm forever observing without ever making any progress. Can be very frustrating at times it really can. I'm sorry you are in the same boat. 

Talking to other people. Feeling stupid when you say something abit off the wall. Embaressment when you have no idea what others were talking about. Not being in the loop with conversation. Not feeling worthy enough to have friends or deserving them. No confidence then to actually talk or express yourself. Takes years to overcome that if undiagnosed. Everyone is different but they were my main struggles. Basically communicating with other people lol

I did and still to an extent do the same, I’ve always found it very easy to mimic voices and mannerisms. If I ever did go to a party, I was the one standing in the kitchen trying not to get in the way. It’s an old explanation but I always feel like I’m looking in and observing.

This especially. I used to spend hours watching others talk and then try to mimic it hoping I would fit in. Never managed to get the hang of it. 

For me it was struggling to pick up on social cues and just not knowing why everything seemed so alien. Everyone else seemed to have social groups, they seemed to have a secret code.

All the above.

I think pretty much I was a level 2 child, My ADOS I still scored 2's in some when  I was assessed and 1's. I have a bit of a mixed cormbodity and autism is not my only diagnosis. I have been quite unwell since early teens. It's roots even go back to 8 relating to feeding for me a bit and food was bland was a young child normally. I moved to a new school at 8 and didn't like it. Also, who gives children  pepper, really I would think it wasn’t common, I was likely sensory seeking food  then which changed to more restrictive and my sensory affects my taste and more. My school friends are mostly married. Those who have not married some will have been with their partners. All my siblings have their own partners and children I am an auntie to 8. I have my parents. Even at university I didn't make a friend, I needed to travel home be with family and my own life. I had all those issues since childhood. Now though I am concerned about the future a bit more and if I get to 60 I may have more medical conditions and be more frail. My parents are with us, my dad has been graced to get to 80 and my mum is in her mid 70s. Covid affected a lot of voluntary jobs still, that have not come back the same way. I turned 50 and I was mortified. I had hoped to work at Citizens Advice in the community once a week, but it all went online and  to my knowledge it never returned. They advertised hospital chaplaincy voluntary again disappointment.

My family is a family with a bit of feeding issues, some niece and nephews when they very small existed on bread, butter and cheese. Another one just had milk. I love them dearly. There are probably some non diagnosed in my family but never got to the stage of treatment for an extended period. My second youngest brother spoke out to a consultant when I was in hospital, that he think that he is on the spectrum. He is a specialist in Economics. One of my family has said in a family get together after knowing me  that he knew it for years about my autism, he thinks he has it, but has gone onto to be a dad and has a young child and works in a field which he likes. I helped to raise him as well babysitting. He is 27 now.

However, one of my nephews is quite shy and he struggles for now with speaking to females, he is just, 20 still..Our family adore him  whatever and want him to be happy in life.. I can vouch for him as baby as when he was little, I knew he was a very sensitive soul. I was a bit taken to visit recently and find out he was doing delivery driving for food. Then he said  is having a gap year after BTEC, it seems food delivery is growing.  He is very bright, but may be has some traits. He ate the bread, butter and cheese in childhood for a very long time.  I am proud of them all, but told about a gap yet. He was affected by COVID and so was nephew who doing his GCSE now.

We are still seeing some fall out and it seems like there are still some hardships out there. My parents strike me as having some traits, but a diagnosis post 76 is less likely on adult NHS wards in work as many may retire in their 60's these days.

All of the above. Going out into the world feeling like you have just landed from another planet and masking to fit in to look Normal!,but deep down want to look for the remotest place on earth to hide.

I somehow felt that they are much less stressed than me, often heard questions why I’m so stressed. “Relax everything is ok” I thought that others are so good at hiding their anxiety. It’s only me poor at that. 

I was just thinking about this the other day - when autism was labelled as something else in former centuries, just like being gay was, where some of us struggled to conform to and be in obedience to the demands of “everyone else” in “normal” society, how did we cope? Many of us were forced to take part in wars that we were opposed to and there is a common thread that runs through history - maybe historical accounts contain the answers that we seek?

I think that was a big turning point for me, when I realised, after being alive for over 40 years, that not everyone else was battling through every day, hiding the anxiety from others assuming they were doing the same.

From that point on I slowly started to realise what it was that was "actually" different and ended up with a diagnosis.

I'm not sure that NT's always understand that stuff, I seem to have spent half my life bringing up other peoples teenagers and at times they just get scared and confused and who can blame them? 'What would you like to do?' must be one of the scariest questions on the planet, there are so many options and often because someones been funneled down a particular educational path these options arn't as real as appear. The other massively scary thing that said to people is 'you can be and do anything you want', when someone says that to me, even now, it feels like standing on a cliff edge, no I can't be a do anything I want, I can't be an opera singer as my voice is knackered, I can't be an astronaut, I don't have the training, I can't be a nobel prize winning mathematician as I can barely add up. I know these are extreme examples, but it's being and doing anything you want is an extreme proposition!

I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up now and I'm 62, how on earth is anyone supposed to know at 18?

I think one of the most valuable lessons to teach the young and everybody else for that matter, is that change is the only constant.

Being accepted by others and making friends.

Absolutely! At all stages of my life since I ever remember!

People wanting me to be someone other than who I am.

At age 53, I agree with this - since my online diagnosis in 2021, I’m “all at sea” as I’ve not had any post-diagnostic assessments to determine level of autism and any supports required and all I’ve had to date is outdated and ill-informed opinions from those who are not experts in the field, assuming that they know what’s best for me in my situation and trying to tell me what I want, shutting me down when I try to explain my situation, telling me that I don’t understand that I’m wrong by default and that the only way to manage my autism is to be subject to ultra strict discipline in an autism boot camp - shutting me up is the name of the game - just like when I came out as gay many years ago it’s the same with autism and of course, there is zero help for autism within the gay community either 

Iain said:

what I see their biggest challenge is the unknown

Put in words perfectly. I thought that everyone has the same anxiety like me. I wish I had someone help me back then, like you do help next generations. Hopefully our experiences help us and the next generations of autists to be better understood and supported. 

I think that my greatest problem at that age was being interested in the opposite sex and being completely unable to translate interactions with them into any form of romantic relationship. I did not have the ability to decode non-verbal signals that indicated whether a girl was interested in me or not. As a result I had no confidence whatsoever about trying to ask a girl if she might want to see me outside of school or college. Personally, I had no problem in making friends of my own gender, though I usually had only a couple at any particular time.

NAS94217 said:

what is the biggest challenge autistic teens and young adults face as they transition to adulthood?

I work with teens leaving school and transitioning into the workplace and from what I see their biggest challenge is the unknown.

There is no book that explains all the stuff that neurotypicals just seem to understand - how to sell yourself in an interview, how to cope in a new team in the workplace, why your boss is always asking you to do stuff, why do I have to pay taxes, who should I speak to at work etc etc.

It causes lots of anxiety and is something I'm trying to help them through and use to build a guide for the next waves of leavers.

I can say from perspective of time there were few challenges for me: desperately wanting to belong somewhere, to be a part of a group but not being able to, I had no idea why and endlessly asked myself the question “why” and “what’s wrong with me”. “Why it’s always me hearing that I behaves inappropriately”. I have always felt like not fully grown up because of my issues with emotional regulation and sensory sensitivities, because of my issues with not being able to be like others. I thought of myself that I’m the only weirdo in this world. I was terribly frustrated a d ashamed of my frequent meltdowns, never understood and I also didn’t understand myself. It would be much easier for me if I knew back then. I guess. Also jobs were challenging. Applying to dozens of offers and always getting only jobs like McDonald’s, call center or cashier in supermarkets, not being able to hold the jobs for long because I was not a good fit. Not looking the customers in the eyes, being too shy, too quiet, too weird, too slow or confused by too much information or overstimulated. The longest I worked in McDonald’s, 4 years because I was absolutely desperate and they somehow put up with me being weird because they were also desperate. Now I have a job that I finally like. I’m only worried that they do t like me. Because some of them, especially ladies give me strange looks. I have no idea what they may think but I feel their gazes on me. The good thing is that I work mostly with guys in the warehouse and some of them seem to be aspies too. So I do t need high communication and social skills there, my attention to details gives me much more points. I hope I will hold down this job. I heard very few times, that Its actually worth know me