New diagnosis - next steps

That makes a lot of sense - thank you 

Don't worry too much that masking is devious or makes you a bad person. You're not trying to deceive people, you're just camouflaging your emotions and feelings, it's a defence mechanism, you do it for your safety not to gain benefit above others.

The more we mask the more energy we burn, so it's best to try and do it as little as you have to. 

Along with many masks there's many motivations to wear them, try and only so it if it benefits you or helps you through a situation.

This can sometimes also mean masking to avoid hurting other peoples feelings, if they're people you care about and don't want to upset.

Take your time and be sure to take care of yourself.

You've also made me think that unmasking is also being honest with people - for example that I won't be able to go to a social event as it causes me too much anxiety. Up until now, I took the literal version of "masking" as it being just facial expressions for example. But I think being honest with things is a good place to start! 

That's really good advice, thank you. It's all very new still so I probably need to work out what those masks are so I can be comfortable to lower them... But all in time! Thanks again 

Try to keep in mind that you should be living your life for you, not other people. While it's good to be polite and make small talk in some situations, particularly professional ones, it's important to be yourself. Examine what really makes you happy and work on throwing away the masks that are stopping you being yourself. I wanted to get rid of my people pleasing and fitting in masks, so I no longer just go to social events to please others or fit in, and I don't hide my special interests. If people don't like me because I don't go to the works Christmas party, or because I play video games, we're not compatible as friends anyway.

Be kind to yourself.

Thank you - I like the idea of sharing videos with others as it's not always easy to explain certain things. I also need to remember that things won't change overnight but I am already feeling a lot more comfortable in myself and that is saying something huge as I've never been comfortable in my own skin.

Thank you, I think I mostly need to remember that it's "one step at a time" but that isn't my strong point. I think I'll be nervous seeing people for the first time after I tell them about my diagnosis, but not sure why. I'll check those books out too and find a local support group, NAS have a local one. Thanks again!

Thanks the reply and the book recommendations, I've been listening to a few on audible so I'll add these to the list!

NAS93329 said:

It would be nice to try and start breaking down those masking barriers

This book should be of help with that:

Taking Off the Mask: Practical Exercises to Help Understand and Minimise the Effects of Autistic Camouflaging - Hannah Louise Belcher
ISBN 9781787755901

Another book that is relevant to your situation is:

Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome - Wylie, Philip. Beardon, Luke. Heath, Sara  (2014)
ISBN 9781849054331

Hi

I received my diagnosis last year and to be honest I am still working my way through it. Think of it as the beginning of a new journey of discovery. There will be feelings of loss, guilt and 'what if' and 'if only'.

Try to find some support if you are lucky in your area. Try doing some reading. I found Luke beardom's books to be insightful. Don't expect all the answers to come at once.

Any questions just reach out to this forum and I'm sure people further on in their journey's will offer some advice. Remember each of us is unique in regards to what autism means to us.

I received my autism label in Feb this year (age 51). I have been reading books about autism in adults, autism in women, late diagnosis, and making notes on them. I have found videos to show my family, friends, manager and colleagues what my main challenges are. I particularly find value in the books that share lived experiences. And the main thing I am learning is when to say 'no' to avoid being overwhelmed etc. I find understanding how others talk about their masking, I learn about what I am masking. After all, I didn't realise why I was adapting my behaviour in the first place, so sorting it all out requires a lot of introspection and reflection. The experiences of others helps me starting to work it out. I don't want to change completely overnight, but am introducing small things, one at a time. I'm finding a big part of it is just telling people I am autistic and then explaining what autism is. I feel I can do that, now that I have read a lot about how diverse the autistic community is.