Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I very recently received my diagnosis/confirmation which has been a huge relief and also already answered a lot of questions. During the assessment they picked up that I'm very skilled at masking and how exhausted it makes me feel. It would be nice to try and start breaking down those masking barriers with others but not sure what that will look like. Not sure what I'm asking, but I think I'd be grateful for any advice from anyone who's had an adult diagnosis and what next steps I could take.
Thank you!
Try to keep in mind that you should be living your life for you, not other people. While it's good to be polite and make small talk in some situations, particularly professional ones, it's important to be yourself. Examine what really makes you happy and work on throwing away the masks that are stopping you being yourself. I wanted to get rid of my people pleasing and fitting in masks, so I no longer just go to social events to please others or fit in, and I don't hide my special interests. If people don't like me because I don't go to the works Christmas party, or because I play video games, we're not compatible as friends anyway.
Be kind to yourself.
You've also made me think that unmasking is also being honest with people - for example that I won't be able to go to a social event as it causes me too much anxiety. Up until now, I took the literal version of "masking" as it being just facial expressions for example. But I think being honest with things is a good place to start!
That makes a lot of sense - thank you
Don't worry too much that masking is devious or makes you a bad person. You're not trying to deceive people, you're just camouflaging your emotions and feelings, it's a defence mechanism, you do it for your safety not to gain benefit above others.
The more we mask the more energy we burn, so it's best to try and do it as little as you have to.
Along with many masks there's many motivations to wear them, try and only so it if it benefits you or helps you through a situation.
This can sometimes also mean masking to avoid hurting other peoples feelings, if they're people you care about and don't want to upset.
Take your time and be sure to take care of yourself.