Recently diagnosed - feel like no-one truly understands me

well i never talked much, but i work now and i had to speak loudly in work as its too loud to hear anything, i speak loudly outside to family now and they tell me im speaking too loud, i cant tell but i acknowledge i must be speaking too loud and try to lower my voice if it was successful or not i dont know.

my mum speaks too quiet though, often have to lean in to hear and ask her to repeat. so maybe im not speaking too loud maybe they are just used to speaking too quietly.... or maybe my hearing is attuned differently, which can effect your speaking. i often think my hearing is good as i can hear cat alarms, but yet alot of people to me are sometimes mumbly and i have to tell them to repeat.

Oh yes I have no filter and to am loud.I also have anxiety. I have a view on relationships for me I have steered clear of having a girlfriend i find dating and the whole experience a nightmare .I love being single and intend to say so but that is my way of dealing with things.

I would suggest as I have stead doing be proud of being Autistic it is . I am comfortable with it and take the view if someone does not understand they are not worth it.

Thanks 

very kind u too am taking on my council at the moment who very kindly have given me an anti social order known as a CPW because a mob has made up stories about me nice! u have a good day x

I can relate to everything you just said. I was diagnosed at 40, last December with adhd too. I feel no one gets me either, family & I don’t really have any friends.. but I just want to encourage you that although it feels like none understands you, you’re not alone, God care & definitely understands everything. Take care x

oh yes tends to be with neighbours who are unkind when I make reasonable requests they ignore me then accuse me of being obsessional if i ask again.I too have no filter.

Can you ask them what tone of voice you are supposed to use? Passionate and angry sort of go together, I guess lots of people think passion equals some sort of romantic thing, but what if the things that you're passionate about are also things that make you angry? One common autistic traits are strong feelings of injustice, if for example you feal the injustice say of the plight of victims of DV and the injustices they face in leaving an abuser, why would you not feel angry about it too? I mean it's pretty hard not too? Could you record yourself, or ask them to mirror back to you your tone of voice and word choice? There may be a way you could learn to come across as less angry and to put your points across more effectively. But it could also be that they just arn't interested in the same things you are? It's OK for people to feel differently about things, but do they accuse you of speaking over them and not allowing them a voice? I'm not trying to make excuses for them or for you for that matter, just trying to get to the real nub of the matter in the hope that you can all find some peace and understanding.

I have had many people try to make me into carbon copies of who they are and it doesn't work. It never works. 

Just ends up in frustration on both sides and dispair. (Once had a lady who used to try and correct me ask me out. I said no because I could imagine what life would be like, even though she was a lovely person.. I am still single! :D ).

Being myself I am happy with. I can do that... Be myself!  It is when I try and fit in to be with others the problems start!

I have to laugh. The sayings we pick up over time. I once said when I was not feeling too good "I don't feel like myself" and we had guests, and an elderly gypsy lady said "Well who else can you be?" I had to laugh as she was right! How can I be anyone but myself? :D

Thank you. This is exactly how I feel and its a relief to know its not just me. It does feel very isolating; and I've been told that exact thing when I get enthusiastic about a topic too. Its infuriating. Like you, I was also told I was very quiet at school and now I'm told I can be too talkative. Thank you

It feels isolating when whatever you do feels to others as being wrong. Been there and done that and one tends to then avoid people which makes things worse. 

I get told things like "Talk to people. Not at them" when I get enthusiastic about my favourite subject. I don't actually know what this means because I do let others tak now and then. Isn't that what conversations are for?

When I was in school I was told off for being too quiet, so I am either too quiet or too talkative. 

I do sympathize because it is horrible when whatever one does it see!s to be wrong. All I can do is say "Hugs" and that it is ok. Carry on and be yourself and do your own thing!

Thank you. 

My family have continued to say, since my diagnosis, that I'm still the same person and I know that. But it feels like they've failed in some ways to understand that some of the ways I act or speak etc, comes from being autistic and that I can't change that. Instead they suggest trying to change my way; they don't seem to understand that's the way I am and it would be like me asking them to change who they are. It really does my head in sometimes to be honest. 

It definitely helps speaking on this forum, speaking to like-minded forum. But it would also hope to have someone in my life who really gets me too. 

Thank you! I explained how I feel to my family today and in reply, my mum said "when we politely ask you not to speak to us aggressively on a subject, do you not recognise the tone of voice you're using - the passion/aggression the same voice for you" - this is after I've explained that yes I raise my voice and i speak passionately and I can't help my tone of voice. And they don't ask me "politely" - they tell me unless i calm down and speak quietly, they refuse to listen to a word I say. It infuriates me everything they tell me off like this. I can't help the way I speak/my tone of voice, I've tried but its just me. I don't know where I'm supposed to do from here....

Like you, I've found it difficult to maintain friendships. If I'm not doing all the work in terms of keeping in the contact with the, arranging catch ups etc, then the friendship disappears - it always feels very one-sided and I get exhausted of always being the one to have to keep the friendship going. 

Thank you for your kind words though - it has really helped!

Thank you! I explained how I feel to my family today and in reply, my mum said "when we politely ask you not to speak to us aggressively on a subject, do you not recognise the tone of voice you're using - the passion/aggression the same voice for you" - this is after I've explained that yes I raise my voice and i speak passionately and I can't help my tone of voice. And they don't ask me "politely" - they tell me unless i calm down and speak quietly, they refuse to listen to a word I say. It infuriates me everything they tell me off like this. I can't help the way I speak/my tone of voice, I've tried but its just me. I don't know where I'm supposed to do from here....

I'm not surprised you feel fed up if you're constantly being told off.

Being diagnosed gave me the courage to be authentically me, I moved away from people who wern't good for me, I thought I'd rather be alone than lonely in a crowd. I do spend a lot of time by myself, but I rarely feel lonely. I've become much more self sufficient emotionally and less needy.

I'm a passionate person too, I get told off for "giving lectures", I usually tell who ever it is to F8ck Off and that I can't help being such a font of wisdom! lol I don't always take myself that seriously, and nor do I take other seriously all the time and I'm more than capable of creating elaborate wind-ups on people who do take themselves to seriously. If I'm going to upset people anyway then I might as well enjoy it, lol.

Really though the best thing I can say is be your best, truest and most authentic self, if you need to, live your best life alone and on your own terms, not live like a prisoner to the dislikes of others. FInd people who share your passions, there are planty of causes and organistions that need passionate people.

Hi

I completely understand, this happens with me too. But my partner has extremely sensitive hearing, so I have to try not to get too loud. Try not to be upset and not to feel like you're being "told off" - as autism can run in families, you may have family members with the autistic trait of extreme sound sensitivity, or the raised volume may be distressing for someone who suffers with anxiety. You're not doing anything wrong, it's just a difficulty in communication.

I also understand about feeling lonely. I'm very lucky having a partner who understands me, but very few other people I've known throughout my life have "got" me, including my family. I have found it difficult to maintain friendships - it's always been me having to keep contacting them, if I don't bother usually the "friendship" gradually disappears. But this forum helps us to not feel so "different" .

Remember that although you now have a diagnosis, you're still the same person you always were. Also bear in mind that it's not all bad - autistic people can have lots of positive traits:

Hello,

I am sorry to hear you are going through a tough time.

However, I think I can somewhat relate... My sister is often classed as a 'stereotypical' autistic as her symptoms are very obvious.
Whereas, I do not have such obvious symptoms, so when going for a diagnosis I was compared to my sister an awful lot. So much so that Mum filled out the informant questionnaire for my assessment and my psychiatrist says from her POV I seem neurotypical and had to ask me to explain why that might be.... in the end he completely disregarded that questionnaire as he didn't feel it was a 'true' piece of evidence!

Since my diagnosis, nobody has really had much to say (although not really sure what I was expecting) but my sister wasn't happy that I was diagnosed and my parents still can't seem to wrap their heads around it...

I would defo say that this forum has helped me feel not so alone, I have felt that I can just be open and get true and honest feedback from similar like minded people.

Sorry... this is a bit of a ramble, but hopefully hearing a story somewhat similar helps you to feel not so 'alone' - we are always here, I think this is a great place to find support in others.