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Recently diagnosed - feel like no-one truly understands me

L
1 month ago

Hi, 

So I was recently (February) diagnosed with atypical autism - I knew I was possibly autistic for last 9 years but I was unsure how I felt about it and wasn't sure if I wanted to be properly diagnosed - until this year when I decided to just go for it - knowing that if I was diagnosed, it may help to get support going into a new job. I've also struggled with my mental health for the last 11 years - I've always had problems with anxiety (which I now know probably ties in with autism) but have struggled a lot with depression, especially lately. 

And ever since my autism diagnosis in February, I've felt particularly low because I truly feel like no one in my life truly understands me as a person. Not my parents, not my siblings, not my friends, no one. I haven't been in a relationship with years - I talk to guys online but it never leads anywhere. And it makes me wonder if I'll ever find someone who really gets me. Feels like my family don't get me, don't understand that I am who I am and can't change that. 

I do struggle - when i get passionate about a particular topic, I struggle to modulate my voice. I tend to have a raised voice and as much as I've tried to "calm" my voice, I can't. Its' just the way I am and i've learnt recently, that struggling to modulate your voice can be a part of autism. And whenever this happens with my family, they tell me off for it. They tell me that my raised voice stresses them out, that they refuse to listen to me until I "calm down/speak quietly" and that there is no need for my raised voice. I can't help it though. That is literally me. It's the way I am. And to be constantly told off for it is being told off for being who I am. It makes me feel like utter s***. I try and explain it to them but they just tell me I have to try harder to be calm. Makes me feel judged for having this attribute which I can't control. 

And it's now got to a point where I feel so low and upset about being told off for this constantly, for being judged like this, that I just don't want to spend anytime about my family or friends because I just can't be myself. I'm tired of feeling lonely - having no-one that understands me . 

Has anyone else struggled with any of this? 

Thanks for reading my rant! 

Parents
  • 1 month ago

    Hello,

    I am sorry to hear you are going through a tough time.

    However, I think I can somewhat relate... My sister is often classed as a 'stereotypical' autistic as her symptoms are very obvious.
    Whereas, I do not have such obvious symptoms, so when going for a diagnosis I was compared to my sister an awful lot. So much so that Mum filled out the informant questionnaire for my assessment and my psychiatrist says from her POV I seem neurotypical and had to ask me to explain why that might be.... in the end he completely disregarded that questionnaire as he didn't feel it was a 'true' piece of evidence!

    Since my diagnosis, nobody has really had much to say (although not really sure what I was expecting) but my sister wasn't happy that I was diagnosed and my parents still can't seem to wrap their heads around it...

    I would defo say that this forum has helped me feel not so alone, I have felt that I can just be open and get true and honest feedback from similar like minded people.

    Sorry... this is a bit of a ramble, but hopefully hearing a story somewhat similar helps you to feel not so 'alone' - we are always here, I think this is a great place to find support in others.

  • 1 month ago in reply to Llama

    Thank you. 

    My family have continued to say, since my diagnosis, that I'm still the same person and I know that. But it feels like they've failed in some ways to understand that some of the ways I act or speak etc, comes from being autistic and that I can't change that. Instead they suggest trying to change my way; they don't seem to understand that's the way I am and it would be like me asking them to change who they are. It really does my head in sometimes to be honest. 

    It definitely helps speaking on this forum, speaking to like-minded forum. But it would also hope to have someone in my life who really gets me too. 

Reply
  • 1 month ago in reply to Llama

    Thank you. 

    My family have continued to say, since my diagnosis, that I'm still the same person and I know that. But it feels like they've failed in some ways to understand that some of the ways I act or speak etc, comes from being autistic and that I can't change that. Instead they suggest trying to change my way; they don't seem to understand that's the way I am and it would be like me asking them to change who they are. It really does my head in sometimes to be honest. 

    It definitely helps speaking on this forum, speaking to like-minded forum. But it would also hope to have someone in my life who really gets me too. 

Children
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